Reckless Christian

-Romans 15:20- It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation.

I realize I have been missing in Blogland for while. I just haven't had anything to share or say. I wondered why that is. I came to the conclusion that I mostly post about my active love in Haiti or my active relationship with Christ. I haven't been to Haiti in a while.. so, does that mean that I haven't been so active in my Walk? I was determined to get to the bottom of this. I began to rummage through my old posts. I made it to last April to my Ambition post, and realized I haven't been taking my own advise. I haven't been ambitious. Therefore I have had nothing to say.

As Christians need to stand out. How will we get the message out to others? It will only be our own fault if no one discovers the Name of Jesus Christ. We need to be different – different in a noticeable way, or we will have no effect. Our generation needs to leave a mark or we are not bearing fruit so we cannot multiply as the Lord has asked of us. People need Christians – bold Christians to show them that there is hope and strength, but it only lies in the Hands of a True Savior. We need to get over ourselves, stop worrying if we will look like a fool if we say we love Jesus. Because, we are fools, but He loves us anyway. Christians need to be the hand reaching out to those in need, an imitation of Jesus’ hand. We “must go on loving and loving and giving and giving until it hurts – the way Jesus did. Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.” [Mother Teresa]

And what's worse... "the ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 3:9. In Matthew 10 Christ already gives us the ok to go and spread the word. He said GO! So, lets go and never stop.

We need to, first, die so we can live for and in Him. Second, breathe in His Word so we know what He wants us to do now that we're alive. And, three, be loud. We need to be reckless and then people will see we're different. Then people will see that there's hope in a Savior, and every one of us needs a Savior to get by in this world populated with sinners.

picture tagged - for angela

okay, angela tagged me for a game that has reached our end in blogland. here's how it goes: you go to your pictures, choose the fourth file, choose the fourth picture, post it, and then tell everyone about it.

this was the picture i found. its a picture of my cousin makenna. its an older picture, today she's two years old and a lot bigger. with her is her daddy and my uncle, scott. he pretty much looks the same. :) i'm pretty sure her mommy, his wife, my aunt kristen took the picture. this was one of those pictures that they sent to people over email to keep in touch with their lives and the beautiful life of makenna. the family just had a new addition to the family, makenna is a big sister now to baby ethan (none of us knew about him yet). i love all of 'em.

now i need to tag four more people - and yes, you have to participate:

hannah w.

baby judah g.

megan h.

cara b. and cara g. (i figure they share a name, they can share a tag right?)

have fun!

Lets be Wiser in this Election

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

Now it's time to visit heaven. So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean, heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."

Megan

Well, Megan shipped off to Haiti today, finally! Kidding. We loved having you Megan, and love you even more than we love having you.

She stayed for a little over a week.
I remember Wednesday, August 30th - excuse me, the 27th, I got in the car after school and Mom said we had a guest on her way over. I had absolutely no idea who it could be. When I heard it was Megan I was really really excited.
So I rushed in the door and cleaned my room. And before I knew it it was 9:30 and Megan walked in - completely consuming my room with her stuff, as she so bluntly put it.

Ah, yes. Long days of Angel House blog-making, Mac Photobooth, being soaked worse than Noah and his Ark on the front of the boat, Starbucks, Subway, the beach, farts and roses, 'enormous pressure' and 'horrible guesstimating', Fredric Frankenstein and werewolves.

I really loved sharing my room with you, Megan. It looks so empty now. :(

We love you, Megan. We're praying for you as God uses you in marvelous ways! You'll be amazing. Come back to us soon!!

Mia

Today is Mia's seventh birthday! She's getting so big, though her mouth is growing along with her. Her relationship with God is pretty impressive for a seven year old. In her eyes sassy is classy and she lives by it often. But she is such an aspiring seven year old with her intelligence. She's a work of art that's for sure. Mia knows that she's all that.. and 2 bags of chips. :)

Pure Nata

40% Smile... 30% Sun Shine... 20% Laughter... 10% Crazy = 100% Nata

Oh! And don't froget 100% Underwear...

100% sure that this is my favorite picture from my trip!

Crazy Night

One night the amazing Kaitlyn, her amazing mom -Karen, and my amazing mom were out for dinner. It was just Sandy, the kids, nannies and myself. Mr. Electricity was absent that night too. I'm not sure why exactly, but the kids were going cra-zy! I thought it was hilarious so I pulled out the camera. I couldn't see the pictures until after I took it because of the flash, but I good ones...

Um... yeah...

Everyone piled onto the stairs because they all wanted their picture taken. They were chanting some song that I am sure was not Creole. More of a kids-out-of-control song.

Awesome action shot! (Note: Fritzon in midst of his leap).

Gotta love those kids!

My Amazing Trip!!

My trip was amazing! One of my favorites! The clinic was great, I got to do a lot. And I spent a lot of time bonding in depth with the kids.

Speaking of kids and bonding, Samendia and I are best friends now. :) I was with her most of the time. We always told each other that we loved each other and always reminded each other that we're best friends. We really clicked. It was really hard saying goodbye to her, but we'll see each other again soon.At the clinic I got to give a shot for the first time! It was for one of the nannies who had a vaginal infection. Aunt Jen helped me, teaching me how to find where to put the needle and keeping my hands steady. (Love you, Jen!) The nanny and I are close now, we talked a lot -well as much as possible through my funky Creole. I guess when you see someone's rear and help them through a vaginal infection, you're tight. Here I am after I gave the shot, feeling on top of the world::The rest of the time I did the vitals and helped the other doctors and nurses. I had a great time and learned a lot.

The pretty lady with all the meds in the yellow is the amazing Aunt Jennifer, and with her is the servant-hearted Gail. Both awesome ladies. The smile-ly doctor is Dr. Mark, who too is amazing. He let me follow him around and taught me a lot.
Seeing the kids again was great, too!!

I will defiantly post more pictures of them soon!! Promise!!

Going Home...

My home is the best home. It has no roof, no walls, no floor. But it is the best. My home is full with nothing but unconditional love. This is my home...

Isn't it just beautiful? Her arms, all those dark and skinny little arms - that is my home. And I'm going home... Tomorrow!! YAY!! I'm soo excited!! I'll be in Haiti! *I'm doing a happy dance* I wish everyone well while I'm gone. Oh, God is good - great actually!!

John 20:21 - Again Jesus said, "As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."

Blessed Phone Call

I just got off the phone with Mia!! It was amazing. I loved hearing her voice again.

"Leesabet?" Was her first word to me.
"Hi Mia!"
"Oh, Hi!"
"How are you?"
"I am good. How are you?"
"I am really good. Are you having a good time?"
"No -er, yes!"
"What are you doing?"
"No," was all she said (stubborn thing).
"Are you playing with your sisters?"
"Yes"
"What are you playing?"
"Dollies"
"Oh. What is your dolly's name?"
(I didn't quite catch her answer).
"That's a pretty name"
"Thank you... I am going swimming"
"Really?! Well, have fun!"
"OK. Mama Chechen?"
"Do you want to talk to Mama Chechen now?"
"Yes... Please"
"OK Mia, you can call me anytime"
"OK"
"Bye-bye, Mia"
"Do you know Jordy?"
"Yes, Jordy is my friend"
"OK. Bye-bye"
"Mia, I love you!"
"I love you, too!"

It is soo amazing that they are finally home!! Praise God!! He is worthy to be praised!!

Us Florida Girls

I love this picture. I still don't have much to say right now, for once, but I think I will soon! :)

Michigan in My Eyes

Sorry its been a while. I've been in Michigan for almost 3 weeks. I don't have much to say right now, but i have pictures.

From Shore to Shore I'll Go

From shore to shore I'll go
however, its hard, Savior, to know
please push me, Lord, in direction
for I know my wants are far from perfection.
Your Will is where i want to be
but I'm blinded, Father, You see
by Earthly things and the ones I've been craving
so I'll look up and remember the grace thats been saving.

BAPTIZED!!

JUNE 4th, 2008- I'm baptized!! It was the most amazing, most holy thing I have ever experienced. I have never felt so close to God ever in my life! I was shaking as Ms. Lisa (who was baptizing me) was helping me into the jacuzzi and as i was thinking of the singing angels watching us from Heaven, Satan's scream of fear, and the huge grin on God's face. When Ms. Lisa plunged me into the water, tears sprung. Have you ever cried under water? It seems to make you cry even harder. I could feel the Holy Spirit emerging from the water into my soul. And I can still feel it now, and I'll never forget the feeling. I was a new person when Lisa lifted me up out of the water, I saw the people around me and the world around me differently. I didn't know that I would feel physically different, I thought it was only spiritual. I was way off. "Welcome to the family", Lisa said as we squeezed each other tight. I didn't want to get out of the water, for the Holy Spirit was still in it. I could feel it. And I didn't want to leave it, I just wanted to soak in it. But when i reluctantly did get out I was greeted with more treasured "welcomes" and hugs and I will never forget any of them.

So yes, now I am walking closer with God, but Satan has stuck a target on my back. I am now a sign of strength which just tempts Satan even more. But if I stay in the Light of my Lord and Savior I will survive any arrow Satan throws at that me. Because Satan can send any form of temporary arrows into the Light, but he's too much of a coward to step into it. My soul is locked in eternity, and I can feel it. I learned so much that day, things that will make up my future and it ignites a fire in my bones that will never simmer down.

I'll post clearer pictures later. :)

I see the Light on the Horizon

So today was a fun day, I got to pretend to play 'adoptive mama' several times. I got to talk to Steven and Belle over Skype today, or we kind of did. They where being shy this morning and i was barely ready for my last day of school when we connected. But just seeing and talking to them again for a little bit was great! I can't say i completely understand the rush of Skype like all of you adoptive parents but i caught a glims, and loved it!

Also, Mom got home from Haiti an hour ago and delivered a picture that my baby boy, Reece made for me. How thoughtful! Oh, i love it and treasure it so much! I feel... so, loved by those kids! To think that Reece thought of giving that picture to ME instead out of anyone else. Yeah, okay that sounds a bit self-centered, but put yourself in that position.... Oh, i miss them, i love them. BUT, Reece's picture sends me a hopeful message that has to be God-given:

... Psalm 18:28 - You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
... 2 Samuel 22:29 - You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.
..."It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."
... Job 29:3 - when his lamp shone upon my head and by his light I walked through darkness!

Bel Panye Mwen

For my 7th grade graduation present my mom got me a hand-made basket from Ghana! There was a lady selling them at the farmer's market. I love it!! I was so excited that i had to share this with you guys. And what better way than sharing it on my head?? Well, those Haitian women make it look a lot easier than it is. However, i find it is a lot easier wearing like this. No, it doesn't carry much this way, but it does help prevent skin cancer on my face and shoulders! :) Have a great summer vacation, guys!!

Remembering the Definition of Beauty

Well, since I'm venting a self esteem chapter (see previous post), i thought i would share something that has really effected me, in an amazing way.

"i did the un-reasonable thing..... i took a picture of myself..SMILING.
it made me think about WHAT I THINK ABOUT MYSELF....what all women think of themselves. really, don't you think we are all too hard on ourselves?.... but i have decided that i am actually going to start loving myself.....THE WAY I AM and stop wasting time on what i want to be.
confidence is BEAUTY. when you meet someone who is really confident (not cocky of course) you automatically respect them more. it's natural.
we all look at the "beautiful" famous people in magazines and stuff...and BELIEVE ME after knowing what photoshop can do, IT'S NOT REAL!!! so just love your wrinkles and size of pants and stop fussing and complaining and start just LOVING yourself how you are. trust me, it will make you a happier person."
-Emily Clark

Smile, because God made you the way you are for a reason. And He doesn't make mistakes. I hope this has put you in in the new, happier frame of mind that it has put me in. :)

Gift --> Journey --> Story

I believe 100% that every one has a gift from God. And just because the gifts are different for different people doesn't mean that any one's gift is more important that yours. It just makes you even more unique. You really shouldn't think that your gift isn't as good as the gift someone around you has, for every gift is a give from God - which makes it the best gift of all, you should feel very blessed that He chose to give you that particular gift. And if you choose to use your gift, it comes with your very own journey...

And NO ONE can go on that journey for you!! God wouldn't give you a give if He didn't have a reason to do so. He wants to use your gift to benefit the world and to give glory to His name. And the choice is yours whether you want to make that benefit and that glory. He's giving you an open door all you have to do is step through it. Some feel that since your gift isn't "as good as someone else " why bother stepping through the door and making that attempt? Because even if the journey might seem useless and stupid to you, it is important to God!! Otherwise He wouldn't waste His time. Why would He? Its only your choice if you want to walk through the open door and begin your journey, the journey that God wants you to to take...

Evidently, if God's gonna give you a gift (which i know He has) and a journey (which He has) then He has a reason and that reason is significant. Its so significant that it will mold into a story that is only yours! No one else can write that story but you. Its yours!

Out of the many examples, lets use Noah and his ark. God gave him a strong faith, therefor He asked no one but Noah to build the ark. Noah chose to step through the door and did as he was told. Now... he has an amazing story!! I'm sure every Christian knows who he is. I know of a good handful of non-Christians who know him. He is one of the most known stories in the Bible, numerous couples have named their child after him (or they just really like his name), and Tom Shadyac even made a modern day movie about him!!

The best part of these stories is that they glorify the name of our Creator.

So, please, please, please don't take your gift(s) for granted or compare yourselves to others. But rather thank God for the amazing gift that He has given you!! He has given you that gift out of love and wants you to only rejoice in it.

Herman...

... he's kind of a package deal.

Me, Myself and I

For Miss Cara Green:
i am: your sister under our god!!
i think: optimistically, for i know that god only lets things that will benefit us in the future happen, even if its hard to get through at the time
i know: my future is locked in eternity.
i want: little voices yelling "Leesabet, Lessabet" in their little Haitian accents
i have: more than i want
i wish: that my classmates listened when i gave an abortion speech the other day, and that they believed me when i said God made them for a reason & they can't be replaced
i hate: what?! god calls us to love all not hate... this is something i have not accomplished.
i miss: Haiti
i fear: roller coasters
i feel: smile-y :) and yes that is a word... as of now.
i hear: the Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammit CD playing (awesome CD by the way).
i smell: Mia's thick hair product (i just gave another attempt at her hair)
i crave: the smell of rice, beans, sweat, baby powder and burning trash (oh, the smells of Haiti). i crave Haiti's love and gratitude for god and their hope and optimism for the future
i search: god's will
i wonder: what His plan is for me and those around me
i regret: (the list is long).
i love: god, Haiti, chocolate, the rain, family, friends, my church and all it's awesome rockin' people!!
i ache: when others ache
i care: for many, and a lot of them don't know it
i always: want it to be Sunday, so i can go to church or Wednesday, so i can go to my youth group
i am not: "going green", sorry
i believe: i have a place in Heaven & that music should never be turned down!!
i dance: like I've never seen someone dance :(
i sing: in the car/ in the shower/ at church (its quite a scene)
i cry: when i see the stupid plane on the tarmac in Haiti, the one that is going to take me back to the US
i don't always: live as a christian should
i fight: until i win the battle... unless i get tired -or hungry! ;)
i write: when i have something on my mind... which is all the time
i never: want to leave church or our youth group
i listen: never, i'm a horrible listener unless i enjoy what people are talking about
i need: Jesus
i am happy about: what God has done for me, through me, and what He holds for me in the future

if you haven't played the game yet, it would please me abundantly (don't count on me saying that again) if you would.

AMBITION...

…because the world makes way for those ready to just GO!

Matthew 10:5-20: These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: "Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. GO rather to the lost sheep of Israel. As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, & drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.

"Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. I tell you the truth; it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town. I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

"Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

He is speaking not only to those twelve but, to you, as well. I’m not sure of all the exact people who will read this but, this applies to every human He shall make with Him Hands.

Why did I highlight, underline and bold the word ‘go’?? Well, does Jesus say "think, pray, ponder, hesitate, and ponder some more… and then you go". No. He wants us to bear fruit and to multiply. He just says GO! Does that mean praying is bad? No, He tells us to pray countless times in the Bible. However, we shouldn't let praying slow you down. And if you trust in Him and obey what He is saying and just GO you don't have to worry, because He also says the Holy Spirit’s got ya covered. All will turn out for everyone’s benefit. He has given you a personalized gift (a secret weapon), made just for you and your future to glorify His precious name. And yes, I can say that to those who I have yet to meet and to those whom I have met, because this applies to everyone.

When i stand in crowds, I have the knowledge that people around me are hurting. I want so badly to help them. Because if we were all just hanging out and didn't have a purpose to be out in town and everyone wasn't rushing around, i would love to reach into their souls and help them, because we all have spiritual needs, some not as urgent as others. But all needs are as important to God. All you'd have to do is listen to them and then tell them of Jesus, because, think about it: everything in your life come down to Jesus.. He saved you, changed your life, He's always with you and in you. There are people out there right now needing to hear your testimony, and needing to hear of Jesus.

-Proverbs 3:27-Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.

-Isaiah 6:8- And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

-1Corinthians 14:1- Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy.

-Romans 15:20- It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation.

-Luke 1:38- "I am the Lord's servant... may it be done to me as you have said"

On Wednesday i gave my friend, Taylor, a Bible. It was the coolest feeling. She really wanted it, and kept on pushing me to bring it to her. Its not that i didn't want to, i just continued to forget. :) She thought it was beautiful and thanked me over and over. Even, a few hugs were thrown around. But the best part was when she wrote her name on the first page and then asked me to write my name too.

Also, I had the most amazing experience around a month ago. Cara Boone and her husband, Kevin, asked me be to be a “guest speaker” (thats an overstatement, it was much more casual than that) at a girls retreat from the youth group their family leads. It was such a moving experience! I got to give my testimony, which of course involved Haiti (my favorite subject). I loved being able to talk about God and the miracles He has done in my life. I loved expressing the need Haiti has, and giving someone new the chance to impact one more person’s life. I felt like I was making a difference. I loved the rush of stepping out of my comfort zone and the rush of being ambitious. I also loved hanging out with some pretty awesome girls at a beach house. :)

I’ll never be the same, I can never go back. It’s all forward from here. More people are out there in the world just awaiting ambitious people to lead them to Christ. And it is our job as Christians to be ambitious, to multiply our fruits. If I could tell the world I would (it’s good this is called the World Wide Web). Don't take my words lightly, you could make a huge impact on some one's life. Please, help me spread the word, just one word. Help me to tell everyone to just... GO!

"My sole purpose in life is that when i go to Heaven, I'll bring as many people as I can with me" -Terri Blackstock

Isaiah Daniel

oh sweet, sweet daniel. one thing that hit me when i saw him was how much different he looks! you'd think i was gone years instead of months! i was expecting a sweet little baby boy that loves to sleep all the time. but i found this tinned out boy, who still sleeps, but looks a lot different doing it. same daniel, different face. the same sweetness and love inside him.

another thing that i noticed, was something i noticed since i met him. and that is the rare way he begs to be held. he shows this want differently than all the other kids. he won't hold a grudge like alixson, but that doesn't mean that he wants to be held any less. like i said that last time i blogged about daniel, you can feel appreciation from this baby when you hold him. he's content when you hold him and doesn't always whine when you put him down. That makes holding him all the merrier!!

Be Still and know that He is God

ok, i'm not going to go into detail about my feelings on the riots going on right now in Haiti for if i did, i might go into a nervous breakdown. but i thought i would share with you something that i found comforting. God tells us not to worry 365 times in the bible. i told this to Kathy the other day and she pointed out something very significant. if the Lord tells us to "fear not" 365 times, thats one time for each day!! ya think He's trying to tell us something??

Some Stuff from my Favorite Book

1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

Ezra 9:6 - O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the Heavens.

Nehemiah 1:5-7 - O Lord, God of Heavens, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night ...I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself, have committed against you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.

Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'.

Mark 11:22-24 - Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go throw yourself into the sea", and has no doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done or him. Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Well, i have been living in my Bible. Almost every time i open it now, i tell myself I'm only going to read a verse or two but that turns into an hour.

That 1John verse comes with a really cool story:
Wednesday night I was at my friends' house for youth group. Certain verses were being asked to be found and they would be read out loud in a few minutes. Mark Something or Other was asked to be found, but before i could yell, "I got it", the guy sitting next to me found it first. Then another verse was asked to be found, evidently the guy sitting behind me found it first. Then 1John was asked to be found, and before i even tried to look for it i yelled, "Called it!". But then when I began to look for it, I realized that I was so excited that I didn't even listen to what verse it was. So i asked what it was. 1John -somethin' or other- , okay cool. So I look for it again. But my excitement was so loud that i couldn't hear what chapter or verse, i ask again. I got an answer of Chapter 1, verse 9, and my quest began again. I found it, bookmarked it, highlighted it, all without reading it. My friend Matt sitting across the room asked, "Still got it?". "Yeah, thanks, still got it", I reply going along with our usual sarcastic bit. But then the doorbell rings and in comes my mother. Dad was out of town and she needed to get the kids in bed. So, reluctantly, i gave hugs and left. After youth group I always feel refreshed and purified by hanging out with some of my favorite and most amazing people and by praising God together, so on the ride home I belted out songs along with the worship CD that was playing. When I got home I went to my room and, out of pure curiosity, read the verse that I tried so hard to get and never got to read. And WHOA! - these were the words I so desperately needed to see. I felt like someone smaked me across the face, for this verse, out of all the others, was the one I got assigned. This was the reason why I missed the first two verses that were called. I read the verse over and over again, each time the voice of God becoming more clear in my ears.

An Unfathomable and Undeserving Forgiveness

I understand the fact that I have sinned, that at times I fall into Satan's calls and I understand that this pleases him (Satan). I understand that I broke rules. Rules created by both my parents and my Heavenly Father. I don't, however, understand why He would make the outcome in the long-run so easy for me. Not one piece of my sinner's flesh has been torn, not one nail in my sinner's hands or feet. But His perfect and holy flesh has been brutally ripped and nails have been hammered into His hands and feet. The hands and feet that have only done good things to glorify God's name. I don't understand the LORD's length of faith or patients or forgiveness, it is beyond my comprehension -for it is eternal.

I am a plain mortal, I am weak, just an addition to the crowd of stumbling fools. I get confused with all the voices calling out to me and it is at times hard for me to hear all the voices and to only listen to the Voice of Truth. When standing at crossroads, I don't always choose the path that is my Faith Walk, the one He has planned for me before the beginning of time.

Who am I? Why would he care enough to forgive me, a sinner? To go through torture and ridicule for me? We're talking about the One who calms storms with His voice alone, the One who creates the miracle of life daily, and the One who is flawless and perfect and could at any time, if desired, leave me to fend for myself. That same miraculous One chooses not to leave me, but beckons to me to walk closer to Him. I still don't understand why He would bother.

I regret my sins, but not because of the consequences the Lord has given me. I regret my sins because it disappoints and saddens my God. The consequences only help me grow and learn, changing me for life. This only will help me in the future. I thank God for the consequences and apologize for what I have done.

But the part that burdens me the most is that all I can give to Him in return is my gratitude, my praise, and my striving to become more of the human His Son was.

Still Calls Me Son - John Waller (Thanks Megan)

I drug His name through Godless places.

And I know shame that no child of His should know.

I've seen pain on broken faces, Beyond all signs of hope.

I was just too far from Home.

Still I always wonder when I close my eyes:

After all I've done, Could He run to me?

Would He kiss my face? Could He even look at me?

After where I've been, Should He take me back?

I would understand.

I've disgraced Him.

But it would be amazing if He still calls me son.

With nothing left for me to bring Him,

I left my pride and turned my heart toward Home.

I saw my Home on the horizon.

And from a distance, I saw my Father.

Watching for His own with forgiving eyes.

After all I've done, He just ran to me.

He just kissed my face.

He would not let go of me.

After where I've been, He just welcomed me.

I don't understand, But He put His robe on me.

It was so amazing that He still called me son.

One day as I breathe my last,

And I know my days on Earth have ended, When every hour is spent,

I will close my eyes in amazement.

And I'll hear angels, They'll be singing 'Amazing Grace'.

'Cause He will run to me.

And He will kiss my face, He will not let go of me.

After where I've been, He will welcome me.

I won't understand, How He'd put his robe on me.

It will be amazing that He will call me son.

Amazing grace, How sweet the sound when He calls me son.

I once was lost, But now I'm found,

'Cause He calls me, He calls me son.

Psalms 18:28 ~ You, O God, keep my lamp burning; God turns my darkness into light.

Ephesians 5: 8-17 ~ For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the LORD. Live as children of light (for the fruit of light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what please the LORD. Have nothing to to with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible... Be very careful, then, how you live -not as unwise, but as wise. making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefor do not be foolish, but understand what the LORD's Will is.

Alixson and Nancy, Baby

Alixson. The first thing that comes to mind is that he wants to be held, always. and he will hold a grudge if you put him down. even though Megan kind of hogged him the whole time, i found the sweet baby boy that he is. when he is in your arms he embraces it and cherishes every second. He's like a shadow, following you around every where. we need to get this boy home!!

Nancy. We really clicked this time. Her laugh, music. Her beauty, radiant. Her love, miraculous. Countless times she pulled herself onto my hip and i was supposed to spin in a circle. This was what we chose to do with our time together. Different and odd, yes. But i loved hearing her giggle and loved her holding on tight to me. She does well in the spot light, but i don't think she necessarily graves it. Joy and smiles come naturally around her. When can we bring the joy to her home?!

Our Blessed Reunion - Attempt #2

The minute i stepped out of the plane i wasn't just in Haiti. nope. i was in the land of the palm trees, clear beaches, tap taps, Haitian B.O., Akon-fanatics, rice, beans, trash, goats, hair wraps, little hands, dirty feet, and abundant love. and this land that i speak of is my favorite.

i was quiet on the drive from the airport. i always am. i like to embrace the very second i get to pass through and be a small part in each pedestrian's life. When they turn to see who is in the van that drives by, they can see my face -depending on which side they're standing on. and that's my little time spent in that person's life. i'm not making a difference, none of them even remember me. but its as close as i can get to that Haitian, as close to telling them that 'i want to devote my life to helping them' as i am going to get. it is fortunate, however, that i have a few options to get closer while working at the clinic, while at the orphanage and hopefully many more options in the future.

i left my scrubs in the US this time. but i did get to put calimine lotion on the kids with chicken pox. however, this gave me more time to love on the kids. after i got back from Haiti in July i did posts on each of them. but only the kids i really got close to. but with my clinic-free time i grew closer to all of them. (many post on kiddos are coming)!

the tears came the minute i woke up on Feb. 27th. i pulled it together and was proud that i didn't cry in front of the kids. i think the tears were easier to control because now i see that i don't have to wait 2 years between each trip, like i did between my first 2. now i learned, as the kids are beginning to do, that i do come back. i do return. but when we stepped out side of the airport to board the plane, the pesky tears reluctantly returned. it was the plane itself that made me cry. the plane. my traitor. it is the plane physically pulling me away from Haiti. it seemed to be laughing at me. it was mean. i felt like i was 4 and someone took my Barbie away. but i'm sure i'll forgive it before it takes me back to Haiti. :)

now, the mourning continues but summer is just around the corner. summer, unlike the plane, helps me toward Haiti by giving me plenty of time to return. no school, its a care-free time, Haiti time.

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."
-not quite sure who said that one, but he/she is stinkin' smart.

well, we survived a week... well, to an extent.

Our Blessed Reunion

Hey! i'm back! ok i've been back for a while but needed to gather my thoughts. I'm pretty sure their all gathered. We'll find out soon enough...

The second i leaped (not gracefully) out of the TA van i ran around and went threw the kitchen to see the kids, which was retarded because they were all heading toward the front door to greet us. But without thought i swung little 'chicken-pox head' Nata into my arms. The love was overwhelming, powerful, like someone just slapped me acrossed the face but for some reason it didn't hurt. Thats how i always feel in Haiti, its one of the many reasons why i love Haiti so much. I had a great time with the all the kids but those are just posts of their own all togther!!

Here are my favorite pictures that i took while there. don't worry these are only 36 of the 180!!

Steven was really funny when i first saw him. I was holding Hope as he walked by.
"Hey, Steven", i yelled.
"Whoa!", was his response after his mind fully processed who i was!
Haha! evidently this resulted in hugs & kisses.

You can count on many more posts & pictures very soon!!

Adrenaline is Racing Threw my Veins...

Less than 48 hours until i'm in Haiti.... I feel like i didn't have the last couple days, like the adrenaline is throwing the days i have before i go away from me -not that thats completely a bad thing. I still have to pack, i should probably clean my trashed room before i leave, i have to do my homework (i know that should be the first on my list), and my mom is probably going to make me sit down for dinner -not a bad thing to do but right now kind of hard. Yeah, its been hard for me to stay still. This completely threw my algebra teacher off today. And after every sentence i type for this post i have to get up and do something productive. Sad, but very true.

Well i'm steppin' out of Blog Land today, and steppin' onto a plain to Haiti in... 1 day, 19 hours and 19 minutes. I'm not sure if i'll be able to update you guys while in Haiti, but you can count on many posts when i get back!! I want to thank you guys sooo much for your support while i was mourning to go back and while waiting for February 23rd to arrive.

You can be sure that your kids will be loved on!! ;)
BYE, EVERYONE!!!

Anti-Valentine's Day

I’m sorry but I really don’t like Valentine’s Day. Why do you need a special, dedicated day to love if you already have 365 days to do so? Well, that’s just my headstrong, stubborn, rebellious opinion. Honestly, I'm just not that found of it. And it’s one of those national holidays on which we still have to go to school. I don’t know, its just all the pink, flowers, hearts… it was a good idea but when your 13th Valentine’s day comes around its nothing but a provider of nauseating feelings & Advil. I guess I just don’t fully understand its meaning. People have weddings & anniversaries, but can someone tell me why we need another “lovey-dovey” holiday?? Don’t take this the wrong way; I don’t suddenly turn pessimistic on this particular day. Actually, I haven’t even shared my opinion on the holiday before. (This is the first Valentine’s Day that I have a blog to express such opinions). I put on a smile, wear a pink shirt and pray that the day would come to a close in peace & my tolerance level wouldn’t be exploding to an unhealthy high.

However, it is highly entertaining watching all the girls at school making sure they look flawless & beautiful to impress those of the oppisite sex. i can't help but laugh!! Oh you silly, silly girls, i constantly chuckle under my breath. So, its not that i hate Valentine's Day, i just that i enjoy it for all the wrong reasons. :)

Anyway, I really do hope you’ll have a great Happy Valentine’s Day!!

~i got this picture from a book Megan sent my mom about jokes on Bible stories. Thanks Megan!!~

Just 2 More Weeks, My Little God Given Gifts!!

Missing Belle

Last night as i slept, it was February 23rd, I had just arrived at Three Angels & was stepping out of the TA van. The kids down stairs saw the van & came running out side to see who was here. Jonas lead the way. He was doing flips out the door, apparently he has moved on from cartwheels. Following him was Elmise, Samara, Tyler, Mia, Bryce, Shaki, and finally Belle. However, Belle wasn't yelling "Leesabet" or had a smile on her face like the others. But she pushed past everyone and landed in my arms. Belle was crying, hard. I still don't understand the reason of her tears but i took them as tears of joy. So i just held her tight and cried with her.

So, yes, i have been missing Belle terribly today. all day my thoughts were constantly on little Belle. Between my dream and the fact that she is turning TEN tomorrow, my miss for her has grown a great deal over the last 24 hours.

PS- Domi was saftly holding Jonathan close on the balcony, not over the balcony, saftly holding him & Jonathon's hair is now purple... i have the wierdest dreams!!

Without Darkness, What is Light?

i was lying awake last night in bed, when i noticed the light coming from the laundry room down the hall. the light was standing out in the darkness. and then i started to think of the hall way being completely lit up. there would be nothing to compare the light to. the light won't be extraordinary in any way. & what if the light wasn't there and there was complete darkness?? the darkness, again, wouldn't be extraordinary in any way because you wouldn't have anything to compare it to.

so i continued to process & elaborate on the topic of light and darkness. what if there was only Heaven without this Earth we stand on or hell?? how would we know that Heaven was the best possible place, if we couldn't compare it to Earth or hell?? or how would we know that hell is the worst place if we couldn't compare it to Heaven?? ... How would we understand that the LORD is the Almighty One & that the devil is the evil one?? how would we know that the evil one was not Almighty?

IT IS THE LIGHT THAT STANDS OUT IN THE DARKNESS, THAT MAKES GOD & HIS FOLLOWERS EXTRAORDINARY. you have to choose to be that light, to have it in you & to be transparent enough to let it shine. otherwise you are just another piece of darkness, watching the patch of light shining.

The Weekend to its Fullest

Last weekend we did one of my favorite things on earth: BOATING!! I love it!! the rush, wind in your hair, and now i'm legally old enough to not wear a life-vest!! :) It was a busy, fun weekend, thats for sure.

We fished,

(Michelle, now you know you are not alone in the category of Crazy Hair)

Went to the circus,

Laid down with the dogs,And made memories:

So, we're on the boat & we're flying with the wind. my aunt Casey & i are the smart ones & sit at the nose of the boat. there for when the boat goes fast the nose rises. the water splashing towards you does not hit the noses of the boat because it is raised so you don't get wet. the ones sitting in the middle of the boat, however, turn out looking like... well... like this:Also, I mastered the art of Tying a Cherry Stem in a Knot in Your Mouth!!

Yeah, it was an amazing weekend!!

Blog With A Purpose Award

Yesterday, Nikki awarded me with the Blogging with a purpose award. Thank you so much, Nikki!! This is what Nikki had to say: I first "met" Lizzie when stylizing her blog, and I am so glad I did! Her Mom is the co-founder of Three Angels Haiti and Lizzie has a passion for Haiti like I do for the DR. She is going back there really soon, and I can't wait to read all about it!

Now, i get the honor to pass the award along to 5 other bloggers that i think are blogging for a purpose.

Cara B: Just last month Cara returned from meeting her new daughter, Rebecca, in Haiti. Her love for this country, for her daughter, and for all the other kids at Three Angels is a love i wish more people would show. This love is bigger & rises above her fears of adoption. But bigger of these things are her Faith. She realizes that God will never forsake her, and she took a leap of faith for the sake of one child.

Hope & Rob: Last July Hope & Rob asked little Caleb & Isabel if they could become they're new (adoptive) parents, and they said 'Yes'! Unfortunately their adoption has found complications, like most do. The Krotzers' adoption isn't going anywhere fast, but Hope & Rob are keeping their faith. At this point most would be letting go of their faith, but they are holding on tighter. They have not stopped their adoption and don't plan to, because God has showed them that Caleb & Izzy are their children, and thats enough for Hope & Rob.

Megan Haug: Megan, too, has developed an amazing love for Haiti, and her faith and love for God stands out. She realizes that she is a "stumbling fool" where as God is the Almighty One. She enjoys studying God's word. In almost every single one of her posts Megan turns back to God one way or another, and i pray more would.

You-you: Angela (you-you) took the job as the house manger at Three Angels almost 2 years ago. Over that period of time she has loved on & cared for the children at TA as they wait for their forever families. She left her home in the US to live in a third world country and to give her life and time to orphans of Haiti. Now she has returned to her home in the states and is waiting for the new addition to her forever family.

Kathy: Kathy is adopting 3 children for Three Angels. Along with adopting baby Caleb (a different Caleb) and Sarama, she is adopting 5 year old Shakira, who has disabilities. Before the 3 can even get home Kathy is changing their lives! Shakira is beginning to walk on stairs better, talk more, starting to potty train, use utensils, and "is more thoughtful of what is going on around her". This wouldn't be the case if it wasn't for Randy & Kathy.