Gentle Fearlessness

{I wrote this for a blog that I'm a writer for a few months ago. I felt called to put it here, too.}

I grew up most of my teenage life with acne blanketing my skin. As most have experienced or can at least imagine, this was a dictator of my self esteem for quite a while. You see, we’re told that this sinful world imprisons, and freedom is only obtained through a give from God. What we’re is not always explained is the sly and silent motion of that imprisoning process. Because of the make-up and Victoria Secret commercials, beauty became a box that one fits into with only a clear, stunning face.

I knew in my mind that our Creator only fabricates things of beauty and worth, but I searched for a way to know it in my heart. I wanted to harbor the truth of what made me beautiful in the eyes of God. I’m sure many of you have already had 1 Peter 3:3-5 come to mind. “Why didn’t she just read that verse and feel better?” That’s understandable, for it very clearly reads…

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

If you’re a sweet, gentle, quiet woman – you may have felt much comfort from this verse. However, if you’re like me, you’re sitting there thinking, “Great, now where’s the beauty verse for the loud, blunt women?” I spent years with these verses being something I paid attention to only half-heartedly, I finally decided I needed to go deeper. My heart is to share with you what Jesus has walked me through.

There are Three Pillars of Womanhood that I believe God is trying to paint for us. When we allow our essence to stand on those pillars, we are living out God’s original purpose for us, perfectly beautiful in His eyes.

1)      Hope – Holy women put all of their hope in the Lord. We are called to not rely on our husbands, finding a husband, our appearance, or our own strength. Most of the people that society are captivated by are those who have known struggle, known defeat, but have still found a way to be triumphant in battle. As women following Christ, that banner we raise as we walk to the front lines should be the truth and promises from Jesus Christ. Many times this needs to be a concentrated effort. Prayer, re-reading His Word, and being still in His presence are all beneficial when trying to lift that banner high. 

2)      Fearlessness – When we have hope rooted in the soil, fearlessness can then begin to grow within us. Proverbs 31:25 says this about a beautiful woman, “²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” This does not mean that she is under that impression that her life will lack hardships. She is not naive. In fact it implies that she aware in full that struggle is on the horizon; and yet all of her hope is deposited in Jesus, leaving her with nothing left to fear. Without fear entangling her in chains, she is free to go about her responsibilities, have confidence, and glorify God.

3)      Beauty – So often I thank Jesus for enjoying beauty. How much more lovely is it to serve someone who likes and creates beautiful things? I was humbled to realize that if He is the Creator of all we see, then beauty originates from who He is. He is beauty. He is light. He is art. He is color. We serve a God who makes everything of worth eternal. When He is passionate about something, He doesn’t hold back. He made our souls eternal, our relationship with Him eternal, and beauty eternal. Therefore, He adores beauty that won’t perish, more specifically, “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”. Oh how much more He cares about your heart than you outer appearance! (Praise God!) Here’s the good news for ladies like me! We don’t need to be quiet and flawless, but the workings of our heart, mind, and soul are to be at peace. Our stress and tendency to micromanage everything was created to be smoothed over with a gentle spirit. How is that spirit cultivated? Especially today with families, jobs, and confidence being eroded by this world? By putting our hope in the Lord, becoming fearless, and allowing that to shine through as our beauty. Make up and push up bras aren’t evil! But we give the enemy an upper hand when we allow those things to define our beauty. In reality, the airbrushed, magazine look is unattainable. However, we have a loving Savior who wants to unveil to us our strength, our beauty, and our specified function to reveal who He is to those around us.

Woman – who you are, and who I am – was the last thing He created when weaving this world together. He let His eyes meditate on all He had formed and said, “No, something is still missing. A different kind of strength than that of men, a fierceness, a peacefulness, a gentleness, a beauty is missing.” And then He fashioned something more beautiful than rolling hills, sunsets, and oceans – something to crown creation. That thing He created, was you. 

Where the Searching Ends

It was just a whisper blown against my heart. An idea. More like a thought. It was about a month ago. God told me while I was meeting with another friend that He thought I would enjoy it if I read through Song of Solomon and wrote down everything that He claimed about me. My friend and I had been meeting and discussing Jesus' love for us, and growing in our ability to make Him feel our love towards Him. His love enables me to love, most importantly to love Him; so I wanted more.
Last week, I sat down in a gardened courtyard at school and listened to Him speak.
(I didn't even finish my list! And I only shared a few.) As women our searching for love ends here.

He is sick with love for me (2:5)
I am His love, His beautiful one, His beloved (2:10)
I am His (2;16)
I am altogether beautiful (4:7)
I captivate His heart at the glance of my eyes (4:9)
I am a locked garden (4:12)
We're friends (5:16)
I am as awesome as an army (6:4)
I am as beautiful as the moon and as bright as the sun (6:10)
His desire is for me (7:10)

There is so much more to unveil than the mere 10 verses I shared. We are declared beautiful and loved and treasured over and over and over. It's repetitive, He wants us to know it.

My Bible verse is probably different from yours. Flip to Song of Solomon and let Him reveal to your heart who you are, and how He loves you. Use my list as a template and fill in the lines with what He tells you. Hold on to your hearts, ladies, it's a deep, sensitive, romantic time with the Man who loves you perfectly.

Walls

If you've ever watched a woman in pain, there's usually a similar scene always painted. When an embrace of comfort is offered, usually by a man, we fight it. We punch and shove and push and resist. We've been hurt before. We're stronger. We're over comers. We're here for, not ourselves, but others. This is done relentlessly.
Almost relentlessly.
Because there's always a breaking point. A point where the water is putting too much pressure on our walls. And a crack crawls through the stone. Our head falls on his shoulder. We try to hold up the walls, but the break grows, and the water flows in. Finally, we release on the only thing that resembles strength or a sturdy foundation. The water reaches our eyes. We fall, and suddenly... We're soft. We're tender hearted. We're usable, vulnerable, teachable.
This is where we're beautiful. This is where we were created for. This is where Jesus sweeps in and caresses our hearts. This is what no other man can offer. This is healing. This is surrender. This is hope. This is humility. This is love.

Waiting

Some Joplin jazz played while the AC's air made the room even colder than the chill that came from our conversation.  I crossed my legs, and took another sip of my carmel frappuccino; never letting my eyes revert from hers across the small circle table, as she let her soul spill from the deepest chambers within, out of her mouth, to me.

"I imagine a heart of glass being dropped onto a large mirror.  And after it shatters, and the pieces scatter, I see my reflection staring back tup at me.  It was my heart, and me who broke it.  The moment I believed him, I did the heart breaking myself."

Soaking it in, I sat straighter at the edge of my chair.  

She continued, "I settled, gave my heart to someone else because I was impatient.  I didn't wait.  Not for him."

The air shifted.  The AC turned off.  I was intrigued, "Who's that?"

"Him," she stated matter-a-factly, "The man who worships like David, is wise like Solomon, and brave like Jonathan.  The man who is obedient to God like Abraham and has faith like Joshua.  He who has Jesus as his closets friend, like Peter.  He who is willing to endure suffering to chase God and spread the gospel like Paul."

"I'm still waiting for him too..." I replied.  "I have found a man, however," I said as hope cast over her eyes, "who has given me flowers everyday -- along with fields, oceans, and sunrises.  I've found a man who deeply believes that I couldn't be more beautiful, and doesn't want to defile my purity.  I've found a man who died in following God wholeheartedly with bravery.  I've found a man stronger than anyone I have ever seen before, with a strength that cannot be beaten even by the grave.  I've found a man who has always loved me, and me alone, genuinely.  I've found a man who is relentlessly pursuing me, even while knowing the dark shadows of my heart.  I've found a man who has been waiting for me, ever so patiently and selflessly, since the day I was born; hoping with his whole being that I would one day fully love Him in return."

He's waiting for you too. 

The Crime of the Good Girl

They're a rare breed these days, with rosy cheeks and a killer smile. You'll find them reading their Bibles, teaching the Sunday school classes, &/or playing on the worship team. You can recognize one by their very put together outfits, mascara coated lashes, and the purity ring on their left ring finger. Their facebook profiles are lavished with verses, they are usually intelligent, and Christian music fills their cars when they turn the key in the ignition.

My name is Elisabeth, and I'm a good girl.

I am a part of a small, quiet society of young women who are overall labeled as good ("adj., morally excellent; virtuous; pious"). Some people respond differently than others upon meeting a good girl. There are those who exclaim, "if only my child would grow up to be a girl like you!"; and then there are times we hear someone sneer under a breath, "Oh... she has the clean version of this song." All the while, we know the truths about ourselves: we're hardly good at all. Some of us fight with our families, or harbor an attitude, or listen to secular music. Then you have me, who does all of the above -- sometimes all at once.

Our real crime, however, occurs after we slip up. Maybe it's rare, but when we get caught up in this world and sin, really trip up behind our "good girl" label -- our worlds fall apart. Guilt consumes us, tears shower our faces, and our hearts break. We cry out apologizing again and again to Jesus. We think of those whom we let down. We worry about the hypocrisy of our label.

The crime is found in our anxiety about our slip up. The Bible says to repent and to ask for forgiveness. But it also says that we were set free by Jesus Christ for the sake of freedom, not because we wore our "good" label long enough. The crime is found in the laws that we create and plug into our lives. We do not get into Heaven by our works, but by our hearts. The crime is found in the forgetting that Jesus knew our sins when they were poured out onto Him while He hung on the cross, and that He still pursues our hearts daily.

Women of God are called to freedom, to be beautiful, spiritual, adventurous, strong, loving beings -- despite any perversion, shameful act, or addiction. We are free of any chains, assumptions, expectations, and labels. We are invited to enter an overwhelmingly grand love story with Jesus, filled with passion, joy, and victory.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am set free.

So are you.

An Inspiration

The AC hummed while pens all around the room skidded across paper. The assignment: the typical, yet ever asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?". She felt her green plaid skirt pushing against her stomach as the question floated through her mind. Suddenly and promptly, she straightened her spine, took hold of her pen, and scribed "Photographer" on the white, blue-lined paper. She stared at the word written in black ink for a couple heartbeats. Then, her eyes fell under it, to the 27 empty blue lines. Without another thought, she crumpled the paper into her palm and put it in the corner of her desk. New paper, new word. "A Mother." True, but we need something more. And then there were two paper spheres in the corner. Again. She scribed "Writer." No. No, no, no. More, deeper, truer. The desk's corner then had a party of three.

The chair constantly reminded her that it was made of plastic as it dug into her back. What do you want to be? Then the word came to mind, flew in, and took hold of her. She couldn't position the pen in her hand, couldn't bring it down to paper fast enough. After loops and swirls, dotted "I"s and crossed "T"s, the answer laid -- almost stood on her paper. "An Inspiration." She knew, then, why she loved to sing, read, capture, create; to talk, share, and learn. "I want to be a voice," she wrote, "a voice that comes out of silence. A voice of reason that doesn't sound reasonable because it doesn't sound normal at all." She wrote and she wrote and she wrote. The wet ink clung to the side of her hand as she filled one line and then the next. "I want to be a woman who knows defeat, and who overcomes it. I want to be a woman who shines with the victory that comes from her Jesus. I want to be a conqueror, an endurer, a difference. I want to be a beauty -- not from my hair or eyes or mouth, but from a determination, a Spirit, and a knowledge that I am capable of change because of the One who changed my heart so completely and irrevocably. I want to be an inspiration."

And she was.

Ladies, This is an Appeal

I think we're doing something wrong. Actually, I know we're doing a lot wrong. We know what we want, we know our way of getting it, and yet the execution of the plan doesn't unfold the way we had envisioned. We're not as high maintenance as people think! Our hearts aren't as complicated as made out to be. Hormones don't help our case, but I think we can agree that the needs of our hearts are few.

Here's the deal: We're walking around with broken hearts. And I know I'm not the only one who knows that it's not necessary and is avoidable. (I know, it sounds like some kind of female-code-blasphemy to imagine.)

We all know how much faster we mature than guys. We know. It's not a secret. And I find that as we follow Jesus and are in the Word, we slowly but surely learn what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like. And we want it. We want that husband that multiple authors of the Bible wrote about. So we look for that in the guys around us. This is where problems fly in like grenades, and with a rumbling explosion our hearts break. Now, I'm not picking on young men, they certainly make life... colorful. But they simply, for the most part, aren't where we are. (On the plus side, they kill bugs and are about 30% stronger than us.) Simply put, a lot of them aren't ready to want to be our Biblical hero husbands, and a lot of them simply don't have what we're searching for. YET. They're growing a few steps behind at this age. They catch up though, Jesus told me.

Now, here's the part you don't want to hear: We're growing still too. I resisted this for a while. I knew everything already, of course. But after we accept this, I find that so much more fulfillment and freedom will be found. The job of a guy's spiritual growth is in the hands of our God and their parents. We can't change em, ladies. And we're not supposed to. It's a humbling blessing if we do, but if we focused on planting ourselves in Christ and blossoming there, our hearts will be filled and comforted beyond the level any man could accomplish.

Trying to impress him with drugs, drinking, or sexual knowledge won't get him to love you forever. Experience in the sheets won't make him respect you more. If Cinderella could get her Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you. Swearing, listening to "cool" music, or taking him back after mistakes won't guarantee you a ring on that finger. If anything, you can count on them starting to talk to someone else after you give them all that at this point in their maturity.

So, what would this one stumbling but striving Christian teenage girl do? Keep your body in your clothes, and let some Scripture out. You'll weed out the losers from the winners in no time. Otherwise, it will be hard to do, and your heart will break more times than necessary. Most of us know guys are our weakness, and don't believe for a second that just because we're young Satan won't use that against, ya sister.

Unfortunately, Prince Charming doesn't ride up on a white horse when we sing enchantingly like in fairy tales. They're not that easy to find, especially today. But they're out there. When we follow Jesus, people who also want to live for Him, want a Godly relationship, and seek love forever will come into your life -- in God's perfect timing. And maybe, if you're lucky, one will even ride in on a white horse.

A Waiting Groom

The groom stands waiting for his bride. His heart pounds against his chest, and he is sure that everyone else in the room can hear it. He is anxious, and his face a little blushed as his eyes fix on the door she is supposed to walk through. Then she appears. Any breath he had in him before was stolen away by one look upon her face. She was stunning to him, and he wanted nothing more in the world. He has offered up his love to her, for everyone to see, giving her everything he had. All the was left was to see if she would take that isle down to him, to a live of love with no end.

Jesus gave me his life and wants me and my love above all else. He is waiting for you and me with an anxious heart. I will choose Him day after day. Will you?

Learning As They Did

I spent the morning with six beautiful, godly women. We came together to pray, learn, and tend to the fire within each of our personal calls to be leaders. It was a lovely time sharing our callings, venting the hard parts we are experiencing that comes with leadership.

We talked a lot about the word suffering. It's a scary, overused verb. Today, in our little group of women, I saw a positive connotation of this word being created. I realize that suffering, happens to all of us in various forms and degrees. What one feels when suffering, may not effect another.

There is always someone in our life who seems to have it all together. They appear to be perfectly joyful and content with life. I feel bad for people like this. These are the kinds of people who are right where Satan wants them: comfortable and independent. I find that the most Jesus-like people in my life have hurtles to leap over, higher than what they can leap alone.

How can we be really used in an atmosphere that is comfortable to us when we are serving a God that is so much bigger than we can grasp? Seeing sufferings as blessings because we are seen as a threat to the ultimate Liar, is an honorable thing to accomplish.

As I was with these women today, I couldn't stop imagining woman during Old Testament eras, sitting in a circle with troubles as we were -- a little different, although not a lot -- praying and praising God for letting us be used for His Kingdom.

There's nothing like it.

(photo from www.imdb.com)

The Essence of Beauty

It has been revealed to me that the beauty which this world seems to love is false, not only so, but fake. I've always hated it, because I could never amount to it, and I knew that I never would. My generation has grown up in a world where books, movies, TV shows, even people and their quick-to-judge hearts that we need to look a certain way, and if we didn't... well, then we are not beautiful. It's as simple as that. I'm sure mine isn't the first generation to suffer, and I only see it getting worse.

I have also always known that everything from God's hand is beautiful. It is His craft, His handiwork which has made the world and the bodies which we live in. It makes no sense to believe that He would not put His full talent and artistic touch to each child He makes.

And yet the constant reminder of “you're not good enough” infects the minds of my sisters, as well my own. Women, young and old, are tired. They are exhausted from trying to reach the impossible bar of pleasing the world and feeling dissatisfied in their own skin. Somewhere along the way, we were told that things like fat, cellulite, zits, wrinkles, pale skin, “imperfect” teeth make us without a doubt ugly. If we were just a little taller, or if that stretch mark wasn't there, then we would love ourselves, right? Wrong.

We see our imperfections as a pen mark on a white page and stare at it and hate it, ultimately in time hating ourselves. What I would be touched to see, is women embracing their bodies, loving themselves – because they were made by a God who loves madly, who weaved in an essence of beauty during their creation. I wish that this would give women a reason to dance and be glad. I firmly believe that at the center of every woman, there is beauty. It is alluring, it is powerful, it is captivating.

I was asked by my best friend the other day what I thought about the way I looked. I simply had no answer, because I didn't know! Not being allowed to factor the whole world into my opinion made the question hard to answer. The world had made me feel ugly for as long as I can remember, and it effected my life and relationships immensely.

After being so upset for years about my outer appearance, it is surreal for me to say that now I don't think that I look that bad. I do not think that I'm ugly. Not everyone in the world is going to think that I'm beautiful, therefore, to weight my own opinion of myself on that doesn't make sense, it's ridiculous really. But I'll admit that I've done it. I no longer have to be afraid of someone thinking that I'm ugly, because I know now that the only one who can say if I am beautiful or not is me. I am the only one with that power.

I promise that it is the same for you! Honestly, I wouldn't be sharing this vulnerable part of my heart with you all if beauty wasn't something that we all have in common. The only one who can tell you that you are not beautiful is you. You were wonderfully made by a God who looks at you and is proud of what He sees, a beautiful creature that He is honored to call His own and His accomplishment.

It is my challenge for you today, that if you are a women, not matter your age, who believes that you have imperfections on your outer appearance, to make a list of the things which you dislike about yourself. Look at each item on the list and ask yourself “does this part of me really out way my irreplaceable beauty?”.

Little brings me greater joy to see a woman embrace the unique beauty that she was bestowed by her Maker. I'm asking you to join me in showing this world what true beauty is. In doing so we are not only kicking Satan back in His place for tampering with our hearts, but we are displaying that image of God in which we were made, the image of beauty.

"Captivating"

For a while now a bunch of girls from church and I have been going through "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldregde ~ I'm sure a lot of you have heard of it. I loved it from its first words. It was love at first sight.

This art of a book unveils perfectly a woman's heart by bringing us back to when we were little girls with precious dreams and special desires. There is something within us that has been there all a long, something that is the reason why we do everything we do, something that makes us who we are. "She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to be the beauty to be unveiled. These are the secrets to the feminine heart." ~ Stasi

In this book, not only is the feminine heart unveiled as women see and feel, but as God has seen it from the beginning: as the "crown of creation," as the Stasi puts it. I know that personally, I hardly feel like I could be the crown of anything! But as this book unfolds, we see that feeling this way, as many women do, is from attacks of Satan. In scripture, in truth, we are told that woman was the last to be created. This is not because females are the least of these, but because this world was not fit, not complete without us. We are all made in God's image, women exhibiting to the world the parts of God which only women can, completing those features of God which are displayed by only men.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the lovely, comforting, and nurturing truths on these pages, but I want YOU to read it. I recommend it wholeheartedly for any female that can read. In fact, I'd even suggest men read it, for the sake of their sanity with women (which I'm sure they lose every now and then). I know I want to read the book John Eldredge wrote for males, Wild at Heart. It's grand seeing how wonderfully designed we all are to complete each other fully.

Dear Feminine Hearts, this is a book that your soul needs to one degree or another. You should read it, I have no doubt that you'll love it. It has changed my life, and continues to. Yes, I'm aware that sounds corny, but there's no other way to put it. I'm sure many of my future posts will come from lessons I receive from this book.

Your sister.