What's in a Love?

Someone asked me today in my psychology class if I thought love was real, and why. My answer?

I do believe in love. I believe in a God who is love. I believe that love is patient, kind; without envy, boasting, pride, dishonor, selfishness, anger; it rejoices in truth, while it always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres — as said in the well-known verses of Corinthians.

However, I also believe that the concept of love is over-used in cases that aren’t correct. I’m rather cynical, honestly, about that passage from Corinthians being used in weddings — because how many people really love like that? I have only met a few couples who come close with pure hearts. God does love like that, though! So, I know it’s true, and I know that He enables us to love like that. We just need to choose to. I know it’s not easy, for I don’t love perfectly.

I could talk about this forever. But I’ll hold back for tonight.

I do believe in love. My heart knows without a doubt that love is real. I was weaved together out of perfect love. Love runs throughout my veins, my soul, my existence. His love does. I am a part of this Great Romance that takes me by the hand and twirls me around, never to be the same.

Apparently, I Tumbl

I couldn't help myself. I was cornered. Tricked. Manipulated. (Aaaand I was procrastinating from writing my public speaking final paper.) Of that, I made my own Tumblr blog. It's not a real blog though, in my opinion. It's just a place for quick thoughts and such to be bled out onto the computer screens of people who care about said thoughts. I will not abandon The Life Song Journal. Promise.

On Maintaining a Godly Relationship

I've been a writing fool lately. Evidently, I mean this in a private pen-and-journal way, seeing as on here I'v had little to say. I've decided, though, that I can't let the opinion of others hinder what I want to write here in public. With that, here we go...

Yesterday, I wrote an entry titled "Things to do to Maintain a Godly Relationship". I started out writing it in the hopes of if my sons and daughters one day were interested in having a Godly relationship, they could read it and have their 15 year-old mom talk to them, rather than the mom who yells at them to clean their room. This is something God's been speaking to me a lot about lately; it's something that He's continuing to teach me right now. The more I learn, the more I want to share. So here it is, take it or leave it. (:

~ Don't be a afraid to pray and worship God freely around each other. This is an issue that I know happens between teen Christians. I've faced the choice before, worrying for some reason that my being too bold would freak guys out. Honestly, the way I see it, there's nothing hotter than a guy completely in love with Jesus. And if the guy you're interested in is going to have Godly potential, he should evaluate you the same way.

~ Be true to you. God made you, and God made a partner for you who is going to love every little bit and thing about you. Therefore, don't act like someone you're not to impress a guy. Embrace all the little things that make you who you are, and let him fall fast and hard for the true you.

~ Sex. (Yes, I said the "S" word.) We all know the Bible says to abstain from sex until a couple is married, to remain pure. So where's the invisible line between pure and impure? The question isn't "how far can I go without having sex?". The real question should be "how far do I go before my thoughts become impure?". (Philippians 4:18) Bluntly put, if holding your girlfriend's hand leads you to picturing her naked, don't hold her hand. It's that simple.

Also, don't be afraid to act purely. Be proud that that you're obeying God, that you're waiting for your husband/wife, that you will one day share that perfect moment with your spouse. Virgins are sexy.

~ Grow in God together. Pray about each and every step in your relationship before you take it. Before each decision, each date, each promise. Constantly evaluate things, filtering it through God and His Word. Share with each other what God is doing in your heart and your life, even if it has nothing to do with your relationship. Encourage each other to do God's Will in their lives. Say His name, quote His word, there can't be too much Jesus -- especially in a teen romantic relationship. When you think you've referred to Jesus too many times, say His name again.

Times and Things

I suppose the best way to begin writing again, is to just start. I believe it's wise, even with a breaking heart, stumbling soul, and beyond confused mind. Even when it's all your little fingers can take to type those first words. If you're anything like me, then I believe it's wise.

To what extent does a fifteen year old girl share her life in this little corner of the world?

Do people notice when one just stops writing about something?

Sometimes not writing is harder than writing. But I suppose in life, some things stop. And we never really know if or when a new beginning will... well, begin.

Times like these where I wish God would let me in on a bit more about my life.

I certainly hope that this isn't all for the lesson that heart-ache + 15 Juicy Juice Boxes (which helps when you choose not to go for the strong stuff) will get you sick.

What's to learn here? Patience? God-Trusting? Love? Road-Walking? Life-Living?

*Sigh* I'm waiting, Jesus.

When Perky People are Pushing Their Luck

You may have noticed that I have been a bit quite here at the Life Song Journal. (Of course, people don't usually comment on my posts, so it's hard to tell how many have taken note on my absence. (; ) Now, I'm not usually quite. The only time I'm not sharing stories or speaking my mind is when I'm sad, mad, or feel out of place. The last month and a half, I've been feeling a mixture of all three of those emotions. I'm tired of feeling this way, though. I miss speaking and feeling secure about it.

I've never been good at "choosing joy" when something crummy is going on inside of me. I'm not wired that way. (You should see when my mom [whom I love dearly] tells me to "just choose joy!" while I'm PMSing and unhappy. She says it all perky like. It makes me want to hit something. I don't advise being around at such a moment.)

My lovely friend, Sary (whom I miss unbelievably), posted this on Facebook the other day: "Thoughts come before feelings which come before actions. Control your thoughts and you control your actions." At first I blew it off. I have heard something like this before. But three hours later, I felt nudged to write "T,F,A" (thoughts, feelings, actions) on my mirror.

Something I love about this is that, I'm still not choosing joy. Yes, I have a constant underlining joy, but I'm not faking being happy just because people like me better when I'm chipper. I'm controlling my thoughts, therefor how I live my life. And, let me tell you, today I've been living my life a lot happier.

Things that I controlled my thoughts, feelings and actions about, making my day brighter:

~Getting the dishes and math homework done before 10 AM this morning, ridding it of my Tuesday.

~Being almost done figuring out the chords to a song on the piano I'll be doing for Christmas.

~Getting very positive feedback from my cello teacher.

~Discovering I got a B+ on my social psychology test!

~When my God answered my prayers. (He'll answer yours, too.)

~Writing my public speaking speech in a few hours, getting it done two days before I needed to!

~Being drenched in rain.

~Learning about roses from a fellow classmate.

~Changing my negative thoughts about missing an important event to positive thoughts.

~Getting new music.

Cholera, Because Haiti Needed More on Their Plate

For those of you new to the news of Cholera consuming Haiti, here's a great brief description of what's going on by John McHoul, founder of Heartline Ministries.

Cholera Posted: October 22, 2010 by John McHoul

You most likely are aware that an outbreak of cholera has broken out in Haiti. While it is difficult to get precise figures, it has been reported that 152 people have died and 2000 people are sick with cholera. Initially the outbreak was localized in one area but now there have been reports of cases being discovered in other areas, some of which are closer to the capital, Port -au-Prince.

Perhaps you like me knew the word ‘cholera’ but were not sure what it is. Here is a brief description:

Cholera is an acute intestinal infection caused by ingestion of food or water contaminated with the bacterium Vibrio cholerae. It has a short incubation period, from less than one day to five days, and produces an enterotoxin that causes a copious, painless, watery diarrhea that can quickly lead to severe dehydration and death if treatment is not promptly given. Vomiting also occurs in most patients.

There appears to be many organizations that are responding to this crisis. Let’s back them up with prayer and intercession. Your prayers do matter!

John

I'm sure anyone who is reading this is aware of the earthquake in Haiti that happened only 9 months ago. For a reason that I cannot fabricate on my own, Haiti is continuing to be beaten down, only when she has barely been able to ever stand.

Chosen: A Girl's Midnight Monologue

I wrote this last August, but I'm feeling it's necessary again on this Autumn day.

Ironic, how being yourself is possibly the most difficult thing one can do. Being satisfied. Being proud. Feeling like you could possibly measure up. To expectations. To those around you.

How does one do it? Is it possible -- or even plausible -- to trust... in the breaking of a new day; to trust in a day of mindless prayers, old pajamas, classes, school, books, paper; a TV, a remote, sitting -- just sitting!; a camera, lens, the shutter sounds; the piano bellows, it sings with its keys, fingers dancing, the vioce straining. There's a smile, there's a fight, a laugh, then a tear. And the days repeat, overlap. An occasional "hello" is followed, always, with a "goodbye".

Is this was it means? To be lovely or beautiful or wonderful? I don't believe so. If it is, I want nothing to do with any of it.

How can you possibly compare with THAT? How will you even attempt?... I couldn't... I can't...

I can only be m--

Thats when you realize. Love... Love is so much bigger than yourself... It is not "in my heart." Love is out-of-body. It is not something you achieve alone, you're not made to! Love isn't because you were good enough, it's because you were chosen (for whatever reason). CHOSEN. You were the gorgeous Lily in a field of white Daisies. In other words, the child touched you and yelled "goose!" while all the other kids were sitting ducks. Love is as wildly untame as the stallions and as miraculously free as the birds. Don't capture it by giving it a labled box. Don't hold it, don't claim it, don't own it... Bask and grow in it, because Love picked you, after you caught its eye and captivated it with one thing: yourself.

Photo from weheartit.com

My sister is prettier than yours.

Photo: Sara Purdy Photography

Lyric: Priscilla Ahn, Dream

Editing: Me

Things I'm looking forward to about Autumn:

-- the hues that will paint the trees

-- being able to wear my jeans and jacket without someone saying "Aren't you hot?!"

-- my homeschool co-op that's starting tomorrow

-- the cooler temperatures that make everything else cozy!

-- wearing my super, uber cute brown boots that are sitting patiently in my closet

-- the Fall Season/"Halloween" Party that occurs at my house

-- knowing that Thanksgiving is around the corner, one of my two favorite "holidays" (Easter being the other one.)

-- wearing really crazy socks (but under my long jeans, so it's a secret!) :D

-- laying in cool grass

-- the wind playing with my hair

-- my grandparents coming down from Michigan for Autumn/Winter/Spring time.

-- excitedly knowing that right when the excitement of Fall and Thanksgiving is over, the celebration of Jesus' birthday will begin.

Seven more days!

Wondering Where This Road Is Leading

My heart has been here lately:

With little hands and dirty cheeks. With loving babies and kids with amazing hearts. I've had a lot of dreams this week about being back in Haiti. Being home under that beautiful, beating sun.

I've also been thinking a lot about how Haiti is going to be factored in into my adult life. Honestly, I've been a bit torn...

I dream of a clean quaint house, smelling of candles and food (my doing), with a handful of kids who look and act perfect doing school work (this is a dream, of course).

However, when I don't dream, when I think, I think of a house surrounded by a cement wall, a couple big "trained" dogs walking around, beans and rice in bowls on the counter, and a hand-made broom propped next to a pile of swept up dirt. I think of roosters sounding, my neck sweating, and babies crying my name in an adorable accent. I think of Haiti. A live like this:

I'm a multi-sided person. Can I have one and not the other? Can I live my fifties-house-wife imaginary world and ignore the love I have for Haiti and its people? Can I live in Haiti and be ok with sacrificing the typical home-maker life?

Well... Last night, after feeling totally spent, I read this in my Bible: "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability." (2 Corinthians 8:3) I read it over and over and was totally in awe more and more each time. If you don't share my excitement, read it again until you do.

I continued reading and found this:

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that thought he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." (2 Corinthians 6:9) . . . "Our desire is not that other might be relieved while you are hard pressed, that there might be equality. At the the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what your need. Then there will be equality." (2 Corinthians 8: 13 & 14)

I love Haiti. Living there always sounded grand to me (mostly because I already know a lot of details to how living in Haiti is anything but "grand"). Only in two places have I ever been told that I was "in my element": after leading worship, and while I was in Haiti.

A lot can argue that it's too early to be thinking about this. But as long as I am being asked what I want to do with my life, I say it's perfectly justified. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, just that this is how I organize my heart. There is a lot to factor in, there's a lot of life to live first, and ultimately, I just want what God believes I'll be best placed. All I can really do right now is pray for that.

For My Friends of the Home-Making or Crafty Kind

There's a woman who makes music that I love, her name if JJ Heller. You may have heard of her.

Not only does she make music, she also keeps a blog that I'm border-line obsessed with. Lovely Little Things is a site where JJ Heller shares her always simple home decor and sewing tricks. A lot of the sewing pieces she posts are tutorials found online and for her babygirl Lucy (so it's all stinkin' adorable).

For my home-makers, craft-creators, and color-embracers: enjoy. (:

This Evening's Musings

It's nice to be here, a place of writing and heart-scribing. I think I need it right now.

I've had a night full of seeing how some of the people in my life are truly real. Heartbreakingly, I've also discovered how many people I'm around daily are fake. I don't think there is a bigger feeling of disappointment than discovering someone that you're around all the time is not really who you thought they were. They become liars. There's no doubt that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I want people to think that I'm perfect. But I'm not. And I respect people who don't try to act like they have it all together. The most healthy relationships that I have are with people who don't try to frantically cover up their short comings. And that is what I appreciate the most out of real people. They're real to me. I'm worth the honest friendship and the truth.

God has been easily evident this last week. I truly believe it's because I've been reading my Bible before my feet hit the floor in the morning. Now, I'm a little frightened not to! I love seeing his handiwork in the butterflies and pink/blue skies (He gave me a thing for pretty skies). I love feeling blessed by the words of encouragers -- a few have reassured me tonight, making me feel like I'm where I belong. That is always a lovely feeling.

On a lighter note... Have you seen my apron of cuteness? (:

I'm thankful for this place. That 'publish post' button is looking caressingly orange, and like it's full of healing.

What My Camera Has Been Up To..

My camera told me that she loves me assisting Sara Purdy Photography. (:

Madi

Today, Madi walked in the room, following her daddy, wearing a Red Sox t-shirt and sporting 3D glasses with the lenses popped out. "That's what makes them cool," she told me.

Madi is a life-loving spirit who love Jesus immensely. She likes to make people laugh, refuses to be girlie, dislikes the color pink with a raging passion, and is an awesome hugger. I adore when she lets her strong exterior become transparent and loves in a heart-melting fashion.

Her life is full of music, and it plays out beautifully through her. She made a drum set out of plastic boxes and hard-cover books today, playing them quite convincingly. Her guitar is a popular subject of conversation when we're together, and she has a beautiful singing voice (although she doesn't sing for people, unfortunately).

Whenever I daydream about having a daughter someday, I used to dream of a beautiful girl who would wear a pink tu-tu with every outfit. Now, thanks to lovely Madi, I also think of a gorgeous girl in a baseball tee with wild bobbed hair, banging boxes with drum sticks.

It's That Time of Year Again

Most of the days on my August calendar are sporting giant X's. There are Target bags of school supplies on the stairs. The parents are about to strangle us with all the TV that we've been watching. Every store commercial supports the phrase "back to school."

I found out after I left school, just how much I love it. I love the classroom atmosphere. I love adults passing on their wisdom. I love notebooks, and pens, and the intensity of vigorous note-taking. I'll be at the college three hours, four days a week this semester, and I'm stinkin' excited!

This also means, with school starting, Autumn is on its way! I forget how much I love Fall until it's around the corner. The leaves will change. Homework will be rushed to get done so that the scary movies on TV can be watched. The weather will cool nicely. I'll get to wear lovely Fall/Winter clothes (scarves, boots, jeans, and the occasional hat), which I favor far more than summer clothing. Thanksgiving will find our hearts and stomachs once again.

OK, I'm getting a tad ahead of myself -- but when you think about, just a tad.

It'll be lovely. I can't wait.

If you ever have your leg cut open...

...you should totally come stay with my momma with you're healing.

There are three things that I assured myself that I could not ever handle:

1) Rollercoasters

2) Bad guys (the really bad kind)

& 3) Surgery

Yesterday, through the strength of God & squeezing the daylights out of Mom's hand, I survived #3. I almost died, guys. You have no idea.

OK.. so, maybe I wasn't that close to leaving this world. Maybe I'm being a tad dramatic. Long story short, there was something on my leg, they opened it, drained it, and here we are.

Since then, my momma's been great. She held the trash can while I threw up at the doctor's office, made sure I didn't faint in the bathroom, got me chocolate chip muffins, brought me more yummy stuff, and looked at the "wound" today while I was afraid to.

...But, if anyone asks, I almost died.

(photo weheartit.com)

Invitation (5.27.10)

a new day
and the first thing I hear is his voice
whispering, calling, "awake, bride."
that is when I see him,
sporting a smirk upon the opening
of my green eyes.
and my heart melts, for he is Love.

i cant help but remember
how he saved me,
how he rode in, my brave knight,
with valor, delivering me from myself;
slaying my death with his own
and, with his faithful strength, returning to me.

as I lay there, admiring the delight
that's dancing on his face
I know that this hero of mine
has a plan.
extending his handsome, scarred hand
he leans in and whispers,
"run away with me..."

so we descend from the window,
because he only fabricates
plans of adventure and worth.
i feel no need to fear the possible fall
for he has kept me safe
in caressing hands
and vows to do so for always.

when our feet meet the ground,
we run through
cool green grass with our
heads thrown back in laughter.
upon reaching the wildflowers
and still waters, I know we have
arrived.

he sits me down in meadow,
then joins me.
with gentle fingers
tucking a red flower behind my ear.
he sees me stainless, pure, and lovely.
his eyes have yet to leave my face.
"you're beautiful to me."

the grass, the breeze in my hair, the sun kissing our faces.
as we lay there, I trust this is forever.
this is life, this is Love; making my
world a fairytale. and this I know: he'll ask me every morning to share
the day together as his Beloved.

Written by myself while I was in Italy this summer. I thought it was a very romantic place. I believe Jesus must have thought so too, because of all His wooing.

Beloved Childhood Friends

I am beginning to see my 13 year old self as a person outside of me. You know when you look back at a period in your life and think, "Man! Why was I so dumb back then?" -- well, I'm not going through that. At least, I'm not feeling that way about my 13 year old self now. I certainly had my embarrassing, naive moments, but I'm not looking down on the 13 year old me as I have while remembering the 10 year old me. Recently, however, I have been viewing the me that I was two years ago as someone who is no longer who I am today. Make sense?

In five months I'll be 16. Now, I'm not one to freak out about birthdays, but I'll reluctantly say that this is kind of a milestone, 16. All of this has led me to think more and more about the beginnings of my childhood and early teenage years. This is no reason to remind me that I am still extremely young, because I know that I am. I like being youthful. I am simply remembering, reminiscing, seeing that my life has been pretty grand.

I think of life in California, all the kids on the street riding around on our Razor scooters, playing make-believe games and getting into dramatic fights. My (now) heartwarming elementary school, learning with friends whom I laughed with endlessly, us scowling the mean staff members because we were just that cool.

Then we moved to Florida. I hated Florida. I cried deeply in the shower the night before my first day of school in the state. I also got a clump of shaving cream in my eye during that shower -- but that's irrelevant. It didn't help with the crying, though. But things changed, I got used to how things were. We finally found a church that Mom and I liked. I learned a lot there over the years. It was there where I met my best friend. Maybe moving to Florida wasn't that bad...

It's crazy scary how fast years fly by, and so sad how slow they pass. It's heartbreaking and beautiful. I guess the part of my hear that I'm trying to share is that I'm starting to view the 13 year old me as a girl whom I shared that year with the most intimately. The younger Elisabeths are some of the closest people in my life. I'm a little different than they are now, but we have gone through so much together. I'll finish off with saying this, 13 year old me is becoming more and more of a dear friend as each day passes.

(photos from weheartit.com)

Learning As They Did

I spent the morning with six beautiful, godly women. We came together to pray, learn, and tend to the fire within each of our personal calls to be leaders. It was a lovely time sharing our callings, venting the hard parts we are experiencing that comes with leadership.

We talked a lot about the word suffering. It's a scary, overused verb. Today, in our little group of women, I saw a positive connotation of this word being created. I realize that suffering, happens to all of us in various forms and degrees. What one feels when suffering, may not effect another.

There is always someone in our life who seems to have it all together. They appear to be perfectly joyful and content with life. I feel bad for people like this. These are the kinds of people who are right where Satan wants them: comfortable and independent. I find that the most Jesus-like people in my life have hurtles to leap over, higher than what they can leap alone.

How can we be really used in an atmosphere that is comfortable to us when we are serving a God that is so much bigger than we can grasp? Seeing sufferings as blessings because we are seen as a threat to the ultimate Liar, is an honorable thing to accomplish.

As I was with these women today, I couldn't stop imagining woman during Old Testament eras, sitting in a circle with troubles as we were -- a little different, although not a lot -- praying and praising God for letting us be used for His Kingdom.

There's nothing like it.

(photo from www.imdb.com)

Burning Like the Sun

There's something quite significant about the sun. It's powerful, strong, and spirit-lifting. The mysterious, unapproachable air that it obtains brings it only more majesty, glorifying God in a way that inspires. It shines to the deep corners of the earth. The blessings that God has bestowed on us through the sun is many.

The Word holds many comparisons to the brightness of the sun. The verse I think of first is this:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

I see it a beautiful thing that God would compare our faithfulness to the warmth and power of the sun. Perhaps because when I imagine the sun I think of being enveloped in warmth, of the brightness and liveliness of Haiti, of positive hope, or promises, of a future.

Following God's will, I'm learning, feels a lot like standing in the sun: embraced, content, Spirit filled.

List Entry #... I lost count

Lists are a specialty of mine, and of the Life Song Journal, if you have yet to notice. I like lists. They're factual and productive, and still very inspiring and spirit-lifting. And sometimes, as a girl who thinks too much for her own good and talks far more than she is comfortable with, list-entries are the way to go! So, here we go.

* I just concluded a month in Michigan. Honestly, a month to me sounded like a long time to be away from home, but the truth is if we didn't visit, the bonds we have with our family now wouldn't be as strong. It was a great month of camping, Apples to Apples, pictures, shopping, eating, driving, baby-holding, World Cup-watching, nail-doing, bonfires, grass, Chicago, hugs, swings, and old Fraiser episodes. I loved it.

* My cousin Kristie flew back with my brother and dad, and is here with us now. She ventured all the way from the Netherlands to spend a couple weeks in the States. Already today while at a stop during our travels, we saw a man stretching awkwardly against a table. "Is that normal?" she asked. I assured her that the disturbing sight was not usually seen.

* It is the nice boy's re-birthday today! July 13th marks the day he took another step in following Jesus. It gives me chills just thinking about it. Baptism does that to you. I find that that last few years I've seen re-birthdays as so precious, and I'm so glad that Matt has one.

* My camera is currently in the hands of Canon-men/women. You may have been there when this occurred. Last time I saw my baby a few weeks ago, she was still broken. Thankfully, my grandpa is a good camera-sharer. My mom has a cute, bitty camera I can use until they replace my girl's circuit board and send it to my house. Hopefully, she will be healed and our parting will be over soon.

* My can't-stay-still family is on the road traveling once more, slowly making our way back to our beloved home. Pray for us, please, that we would remain safe. (By that I mean from other vehicles and from each other. For frequent travelers small spaces still make us cranky. (: )

(photo from weheartit.com)

Earthquakes, Oil Spills, Bombings -- Oh, my..

The terrorist bombings in Kampala yesterday are bringing a fraction of its destruction to my heart today. I'm praying for Uganda, the diseased hearts of the terrorists who decided this was how they were going to spend their Sunday, the World Cup crowd of fans who were in that area -- said to have been the target, and all of those who hold Uganda dear. After the earthquakes in Haiti, I know how it feels to have your heart's home shaken.

Six months ago today... Lives were either changed or brought to an end in Haiti. It's hard to believe it's been half a year.

2010 has been rough. Earthquakes, tsunamis, oil spills, and terrorist bombings. This is only some of what has made it onto national television; not to mention what producers judged as "not entertaining enough" to broadcast. And we're only half way through the year.

It all makes me wonder about our God. And then I am pointed back to us. My latest conclusion is that these disasters which has happened to the least of these didn't occur to offer us something about God, but perhaps to teach us something about ourselves.

The family came over.

We got Subway.

I made this cool picture:

And Spain won.

Fantastic.

Words

In my younger years I would lay down on my back next to a pile of books, one leg propped up on the other and read. With the book upside-down. Why? Obviously because that was the cool way to do it. And I was cool.

I like words. I like books. I like pens. I like paper. I have friends who would buy bras instead of a notebook. Weirdos. Personally, I find adjectives more fun than boob-support.

Over the years of my schooling I have perfected my handwriting to a unique font. Oh, speaking of, I waste my time searching for anomalous fonts for my computer. It's just that exciting.

There are many theories that I have explored that may explain my peculiar interests. Among them are: my mother fell during my residency in her womb; Jane Austen's soul has taken over my body; or I have caught a permanent case of writing fever.

I commonly feel a need to write (usually while I'm supposed to be writing a paper for a professor -- which I love doing). And I feel that need now.

During the summer, my family travels. A lot. I recently returned from a trip to a city I simply adore. Chicago is messy pony-tails, business men, and shiny revolving doors; it's lengthy walks in high-heels and the thrill of public transportation. (For me, Chicago also equals babies, for all our friends there have been blessed with at least one.) Whenever I saw a for-sale sign, I wanted to take it down. If I can't live there, no one else should, right?

Now, I am in Michigan, on the farm, where our abnormally large family is always present. We hug, eat, we play in the grass and love.

Before we get back home for the rest of the summer, my family is making a stop at our country's capitol. That should be fun. The truth is, though, with our family anything could happen.

The DOVE Campaign for Real Beauty

I think the moment when I was introduced to my love for real beauty, was a couple years ago when I watched a commercial in which a girl approximately 6 years of age said, "I am beautiful." My heart melted. I never forgot about DOVE's beauty campaign since.

DOVE's Campaign for Real Beauty's mission is "to make more women feel beautiful everyday by widening stereotypical views of beauty." Intriguing, no? So I checked out their website.

Here's what I learned:

the stats

~ Seven in ten girls believe the lie that they are not good enough, when it comes to their beauty, school, and relationships with friends and family.

~ 70% of girls admit to having been involved in negative activities such as eating disorders, drinking, smoking, and cutting while feeling badly about them selfs.

~ 57 % of girls have mothers who criticize themselves, effecting their daughters.

~ Only 2% of women truly believe they are beautiful, despite what they say publicly.

DCfRB

DOVE launched the campaign in September of 2004, reaching out to the United States and Puerto Rico. Partnering up with the Girl Scouts, the Boys & Girls Club, and Girls Inc., DOVE sets up workshops with girls, run by normal, and normally shaped, women. Within these workshops, beauty is open for transparent discussion and debate. Workbooks (which can be downloaded online) are used by girls, mothers, and mentors.

Just for Girls

On DOVE's website, there is a page specially for girls from the ages of 6 to 16. The page holds self-esteem "tools." This is where you can download free workbooks for girls, their moms and mentors. There are games and quizzes, designed to expose the media and their photoshop schemes; as well as to open doors for girls to look at themselves and their unique beauty. The page for girls also has a virtual safe, to lock up girls' vulnerable thoughts about beauty.

"Wrinkles or Wonderful?"

The campaign is not only for young girls. In 2007 DOVE discovered that 91% of women between the ages of 50-64 believed that our society was in a great need of a beauty reality check! They agreed that the stereotype claiming that only the youth could be beautify needed to be kicked to the curb. DOVE's "Beauty Comes of Age" campaign celebrated gray hair, age spots, wrinkles and the lovely like.

Being a part of it all...

You can help break down the stereotypes by going to the DOVE Beauty Campaign website, printing off the self-esteem workbooks, and giving them to girls or moms in your community.

Feeling more of a call? Through the DOVE website you can locate a group of Girls Scouts or a Boys & Girls Club near you, partner with them to become a part of their workshops.

Any purchase of DOVE products will contribute to the DOVE Campaign for Real Beauty.

(photos from DOVE's Campaign for Real Beauty)

The Essence of Beauty

It has been revealed to me that the beauty which this world seems to love is false, not only so, but fake. I've always hated it, because I could never amount to it, and I knew that I never would. My generation has grown up in a world where books, movies, TV shows, even people and their quick-to-judge hearts that we need to look a certain way, and if we didn't... well, then we are not beautiful. It's as simple as that. I'm sure mine isn't the first generation to suffer, and I only see it getting worse.

I have also always known that everything from God's hand is beautiful. It is His craft, His handiwork which has made the world and the bodies which we live in. It makes no sense to believe that He would not put His full talent and artistic touch to each child He makes.

And yet the constant reminder of “you're not good enough” infects the minds of my sisters, as well my own. Women, young and old, are tired. They are exhausted from trying to reach the impossible bar of pleasing the world and feeling dissatisfied in their own skin. Somewhere along the way, we were told that things like fat, cellulite, zits, wrinkles, pale skin, “imperfect” teeth make us without a doubt ugly. If we were just a little taller, or if that stretch mark wasn't there, then we would love ourselves, right? Wrong.

We see our imperfections as a pen mark on a white page and stare at it and hate it, ultimately in time hating ourselves. What I would be touched to see, is women embracing their bodies, loving themselves – because they were made by a God who loves madly, who weaved in an essence of beauty during their creation. I wish that this would give women a reason to dance and be glad. I firmly believe that at the center of every woman, there is beauty. It is alluring, it is powerful, it is captivating.

I was asked by my best friend the other day what I thought about the way I looked. I simply had no answer, because I didn't know! Not being allowed to factor the whole world into my opinion made the question hard to answer. The world had made me feel ugly for as long as I can remember, and it effected my life and relationships immensely.

After being so upset for years about my outer appearance, it is surreal for me to say that now I don't think that I look that bad. I do not think that I'm ugly. Not everyone in the world is going to think that I'm beautiful, therefore, to weight my own opinion of myself on that doesn't make sense, it's ridiculous really. But I'll admit that I've done it. I no longer have to be afraid of someone thinking that I'm ugly, because I know now that the only one who can say if I am beautiful or not is me. I am the only one with that power.

I promise that it is the same for you! Honestly, I wouldn't be sharing this vulnerable part of my heart with you all if beauty wasn't something that we all have in common. The only one who can tell you that you are not beautiful is you. You were wonderfully made by a God who looks at you and is proud of what He sees, a beautiful creature that He is honored to call His own and His accomplishment.

It is my challenge for you today, that if you are a women, not matter your age, who believes that you have imperfections on your outer appearance, to make a list of the things which you dislike about yourself. Look at each item on the list and ask yourself “does this part of me really out way my irreplaceable beauty?”.

Little brings me greater joy to see a woman embrace the unique beauty that she was bestowed by her Maker. I'm asking you to join me in showing this world what true beauty is. In doing so we are not only kicking Satan back in His place for tampering with our hearts, but we are displaying that image of God in which we were made, the image of beauty.

Life Is Dreamy

I was driving on the back roads of Michigan yesterday when I came to the most joyful conclusion. I tried to think of all the ambitions I have had, wondering which ones haven't come alive in my life yet. I couldn't think of one. I realized that I am living every dream I've had, right now. Incredible? Yes. Impossible? Not at all.

I'm a worship leader, a dream that I never admitted (or fully understood) to having until it started coming true. In doing so, I'm serving God, a very big dream of mine, in a way that I feel is His will and part of the destiny that He has fabricated for me. I go to Haiti, a dream that will never be fully satisfied unless I reside there one day (who knows); however, the short term dream-come-true of going as often as I can is a blessing. I've always been safe, with a great family, and we all have been healthy. I found a nice, handsome boy awhile ago, a dream almost every girl has, making me a very lucky girl myself. I'm driving, which is surreal when thinking that 9 years ago this time in my life felt centuries away. I didn't have to go to high school, and I'm in college! My life is pretty much perfect. I can't believe the praise that is due to God, for Fathering me to where I am today, for opening doors and for shutting them; to Jesus for giving me a life to live and for providing me with ways to give back to Him.

I'm in Michigan right now, where my mama grew up, visiting my grandparents and my too-many-to-count large family. The Farm, my grandparent's house, is probably one of my most personal and favorite places. The house, the big red barn, the green hill, and endless fields of crops all enchant me. Early childhood memories live there, along with precious new ones that have been recently created.

I have learned that God usually brings me here to learn and to grow, He has since I've been 13 years old. On the way up here, I prayed that this wouldn't just be a vacation for me. I wanted to serve and work for Him while I was here, I wanted to come here for a purpose. That purpose, I have recently decided, is to sit and listen and learn and grow. Hopefully when I get back home I'll be ready to just go, and ignite, and serve.

Right now I hear about 30+ of my family members laughing around a camp fire, sharing their most embarrassing moments with each other.
Yes, I am most certainly living the dream.

Sometimes...

...life calls for a good look in the mirror.

(Unfortunately.)

Dreamer

It's been one of those days, when you feel the weight of an oncoming, pending change. All that can be done is to wait... hold your breath, and look within yourself for the ability to make the future of the path you're walking turn the way you want it to. This is when one looks back and appreciates the days previous, knowing that they are days that have been survived... those days are what made you who you are, and they got you to where you are today.

Unfortunately... for me, it's not easy to hold my breath for long, and I fear that I won't have to strength to keep my road from shaking.

The part I do like, however, about this worrisome fear is that it leads me to Jesus. Trusting is hard, but it's a worthy cause to pursue. I do like leaning on Him, no matter what my future will hold, whether it unfolds the way I want it to.

There's something great about walking with Jesus. Even though I can't control much, I know I can turn to Him when needed, and I don't have to walk anywhere alone. It's easier to rest a little more when remembering that a loving, all-knowing God is in charge of my future.

I don't believe in chasing your dreams; I believe that if you chase God, He will bring your dreams, and so much more, to you.

(photo from weheartit.com)

2 Years Old Today (:

Two years ago today, I followed Jesus into the water. I was baptized in His name and was made new. I still remember everything as if it was yesterday. Heart racing, being in the water which felt bottomless -- wanting to cry and laugh and dance and yell. I remember coming out of the water, feeling a piece of Heaven in the presence of all of us who were surrounding the pool.

When, I opened my eyes, things were different, I was different! The world was brighter... not brighter in a holier sense -- not at all. But I could see. The battle field was emphasized. The good was easier to discern from the evil. And I was ready. I wanted to fight. I wanted the enemy to come at me, just so I could put him back in his place.

So, it's been two years. And it makes me wonder what I've done. What have I done to serve God in the last two years? I contemplated making a list. (I love lists.) But I'm afraid the list would be heartrendingly short. Therefore, I'm looking forward at what I can do, what I will do.

And I'm excited.

A Few Things Worth Saying

It's that time again, where so much is going on that my post somewhat take the format of a list. Here we go. (:

Megan left for Haiti yesterday for Leve Project stuff. They're going to look at buildings an properties. They're looking for the where that God wants for the project. Pray for them! I'm sure big things will happen!!

I got home from a study abroad program for college. My classmates and I went to Italy for ten days. It was quite the adventure! I contemplated doing a post for Italy all for itself, but honestly, I wouldn't know where to start! For those of you on facebook, there are a lot of pictures. For those of you who are not, you'll just have to take my word for it. (:

As of June 1, 2010, I am a driver! (during daylight hours and with a licensed driver over 21 years of age in the front seat.) My learner's permit is beautiful, guys. It makes me heart skip a beat every time I look at it... *sigh*

Until Next Time. (:

I.Love.Leading.Worship.

See how much I love this boy?

This how I love Haiti. I wish I could hug the whole country, squeezing it in attempts to show them my love for them all.

I've been up since 6:00 this morning. It is now almost 9, and I can't bring myself to do anything "productive." Haiti is engulfing me today. Doing anything that isn't for, about, or that moves me toward Haiti seems trite. I have plenty that I should be doing, but I just want Haiti. That's all I want. And if I can't be there, I want my life here as Haiti-filled as possible. Everything here feels wrong.

The television is driving me crazy. I don't care about weight-watchers, nor do I care about the woman who murdered her daughter. When there is a nation of people living on the streets, NO ONE should care! If I had it my way, I'd have Haiti on the TV all day. That way, people could watch Haiti 24/7 -- the badness and the loveliness that fabricates Haiti. The help they need, and the love they deserve. Yes, it is four months after the earthquake, and yes, I still want coverage on Haiti -- "silly me." It is necessary.

My friend was back in Haiti last March. A woman spoke to her saying, "we are now out in the streets, you-you. Like trash. But we're not trash."

You tell me how anything that is playing on your television is more important than that.

Today, Happiness Is...

• finding free chord charts online that I don't need to fix.

• taking my last final = no more college until my Italy study trip.

• the sweet boy's prayers for my success.

• seeing my room clean. (Megan just threw all of our stuff which was on the floor on our beds.)

• waking up and remembering that I have red hair now.

• knowing I can talk to my Jesus whenever I please.

• this episode of Gilmore Girls.

• WeHeartIt pictures.

• seeing Megan dress up like a girl.

• yummy dinner tonight with my grandparents.

(photo mine)

Picture Adventures!

Yesterday was a splendid day. "Why?" you ask? Well, I have recently become Sara's photography assistant. Yesterday, it was our job to photograph the beautiful wedding of Melissa and Ryan. This was my first time having a photography job, and I'm thankful it was with Sara. She was extremely fun to work with. And upon finding that being a wedding photographer is a hard, sweat-producing, on-your-feet job, I had a great time. It was wonderfully glorious. I excitingly look forward to the weddings and shoots we have coming up. (:

A wonderful thing about being Sara's assistant is that 1) she lets me take pictures(: 2) she is oodles of fun(: and 3) she lets me keep my pictures as my own and still gives me photo credit. So, here is just some of my work from last night.

I love her. (: