No Love for Me, No Love for You

It's really hard to re-invent yourself.

For some reason, the notes sung off key are better remembered than those sung correctly.

And that causes a problem for Disciples who walk through the refining fire to be sanctified.

We see reality, truth, and other people through our own emotional lenses -- and that makes it very difficult to fulfill the call in 2 Corinthians, "regard no one according to the flesh".

Is the emotionally-wild girl, who quiets herself before her Lord to learn gentleness and self control, still an immature psycho? Even though her God-given emotions are being abused by her imprisoning flesh and destructive enemy, is she still a lost cause? Or is she not a woman for acknowledging her sin and willing to walk through the valley to change her heart?

How many days clean must an addict be before she has open arms extended to her? How many "I love you's" must the unfaithful whisper before a marriage is restored?

God knows the heart's yearning and progress and growth. He makes the creation new. He makes the old melt away.

I am at fault.
I have regarded some according to their flesh, because their flesh hurt me and they didn't deserve it to be over looked.

But "love in response to goodness isn't love, but simply a reward... and our relationship with God is not a matter of reward, but of love."

He re-invents me. And it doesn't take time, failures, and then more time with fewer failures for Him to see the newness. He knows me. He is the only one who sees me when I pray. He is the only one who feels my self-condemnation when I mess up. He is the only one who sees me for my soul and not my flesh.

After the bark-wood, the salty beads on His forehead, the inclined trudge, the weight, the pounding of nails -- somehow, to you, I am still regarded as the crazy girl. And you, well, I regard you as the one who hurts me. So, no love for me and no love for you.

But He doesn't see what we see. I am the creation of a fearful, wonderful woman. I am the creation of beauty, purposeful emotion, and fearlessness. (I didn't lose my humility. Humility is knowing who you are and feeling comfortable with it -- not denying your God-glorifying identity and gifts. Humility is always measuring yourself by the Infinite.) And you, you are priceless, to die for, made in strength, boldness; a masterpiece, an heir to the Heavenly realm.

I don't know if I know you. I don't know if you go to my church. I don't know if you are a man or woman. But I do know you have an infinite soul defined by God's love, acceptance, and the great value He placed on you.
And from here on, I will regard you in that way.

quote above from Steve Brown

It's Falling in Sheets and Sheets

It's 4pm and it's dark as night. I stand on the balcony, able to reach out and touch the sheet wall of rain. Instead, I stand and wonder how long it took me to notice the quickening of my heartbeat. It became evident, pulse-racingly evident, that I am alive. Fully alive.

A joy, a bliss, a pleasure sweeps me. Because You're standing here. And You, too, are very alive. You are as real and as tangible and as powerful as the breath-stealing thunder. Your love is here! I am here in Your love. Who am I to think that I could be skilled enough to escape Your love? Foolishness. It is falling right in front of my face, in sheets and sheets. I don't stretch out my hand to touch in pure reverence. I couldn't possible touch it, could I? Could I -- me? -- touch God's love? The electric pleasure in my pulse keeps me still. I am content, I am already overwhelmed!

It pours and rains and pours -- and it's for me. He is pouring out His love. He always has and does. I don't know why or how or for whom. I just know it's raining, and it's raining because He loves us. It's always because He loves.