It's Falling in Sheets and Sheets

It's 4pm and it's dark as night. I stand on the balcony, able to reach out and touch the sheet wall of rain. Instead, I stand and wonder how long it took me to notice the quickening of my heartbeat. It became evident, pulse-racingly evident, that I am alive. Fully alive.

A joy, a bliss, a pleasure sweeps me. Because You're standing here. And You, too, are very alive. You are as real and as tangible and as powerful as the breath-stealing thunder. Your love is here! I am here in Your love. Who am I to think that I could be skilled enough to escape Your love? Foolishness. It is falling right in front of my face, in sheets and sheets. I don't stretch out my hand to touch in pure reverence. I couldn't possible touch it, could I? Could I -- me? -- touch God's love? The electric pleasure in my pulse keeps me still. I am content, I am already overwhelmed!

It pours and rains and pours -- and it's for me. He is pouring out His love. He always has and does. I don't know why or how or for whom. I just know it's raining, and it's raining because He loves us. It's always because He loves.

With Everything

Open our hearts,

To see the things

That make Your heart cry,

To be the church

The You would desire.

Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,

And all the walls

We've built up inside,

Our earthly crowns

And all our desires,

We lay at Your feet.

So let hope rise,

And darkness tremble

In Your holy light,

And every eye will see

Jesus, our God,

Great and mighty to be praised.

God of all days,

Glorious in all of Your ways.

Your majesty, the wonder and grace,

In the light of Your name.

With everything,

With everything,

We will shout for your glory.

With everything,

With everything,

We will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry

Be glorified,

Be lifted high,

Above all names.

For You our King,

With everything,

We will shout forth your praise.

I.Love.Leading.Worship.

To Stop Singing & Start Worshiping

For those of you who are unaware: I am a youth worship band's lead vocalist & pianist. We play on Thursday nights to open of our youth group (and we rock). Always being attracted to the idea of being a worship leader, I enjoy it immensely.

There's this unbelievable "click" I have with God through music. It's indescribable, something you just have to feel. Last night, however, my leadership skills held none of that said "click." I suppose I had become to used to it. I had counted on the set and worship time to just fall into place as it usually and miraculously does. Last night, it just.. fell.

Most of the band couldn't play due to instrumental issues, so it was just the acoustic guitar, my keys, and my voice. The first song I lead was disastrous. I lead it out of order, couldn't see were my left fingers where playing because of where the mic stand was, which lead to a panic-overload in my brain and I lost where I was as far as playing the right chords. It was horrific. I remember describing it as my "personal hell." Finally the song ended, and not on a good note. Literally.

Thankfully, in the next song, all I had to do was sing. It was a song I know very well and have lead before. I was more than happy to have a break from the keyboard for once. As Travis strummed his guitar behind me, I sang. And that's when I decided that it was just for God. I instantly gave up on the people facing me. Hoping that, instead of noticing that I was a good musician (which I didn't give much evidence for that night), they could see that I wanted to be a worshipper and nothing else. I pray that they could have seen that, and chose to worship the Lord as well.

So, I sang, and I sang, and I sang. Closing my eyes for most of the song, I declared the lyrics to the Lord. I'm not saying that I lead the song well, for I honestly don't know. I wasn't paying any attention to that at the moment. The song ended and I walked off the stage, still embarrassed, but knowing that in the end I choose to worship rather than to sing.

I walked to the back of the room, not even wanting to see the reaction of the 40 teenagers. That's when Mr. Tom, a great man of God who was going to preach to us that night, walked up to me and placed a firm grip on my arm. He told me of how great I was, how much guts it too to lead worship, how proud he was of me. I was grateful for his words, but it was what I saw in his eyes that made me fight back tears. I have heard those words before. Honestly, I expected one of the adults there to tell me such that and I still find it hard to agree. But Mr. Tom's eyes held the fierce, powerful kind of sweetness. It was all I could do to not cry. In my lowliness, desperation and gratitude, I embraced him and thanked him. He doesn't know how much his words helped me.

I proceed my evening by slouching into a folding chair in the back, next to a kid I didn't know well to listen to Mr. Tom speak the Truth. He spoke about giving to someone in such a way to not persuade that person to give you something in return, but to persuade them to give to SOMEONE ELSE because of your actions. Then he asked the frightening question...

"WHAT ARE YOU GIVING COMPLETELY TO GOD RIGHT NOW?"

I had to think for a few minutes about how that applied to me personally. Then I thought that that most active answer would be: through leading worship. That's the Holy Spirit unraveled the rending I was doing to my own soul and laid it out for me in my head...

I wasn't giving that first song to God. It didn't even occur to me to open in prayer. I wasn't thinking of Him. And I'm still ashamed to admit that I, that person the Lord has entrust to lead a group of his followers in worship, wasn't envisioning His face in Heaven. That's why I received that "personal hell." I gave it to my self by not "acknowledging Him in all my ways" (Proverbs 3:6).

I feel better about the night. I'm at peace with it. I met God there, through failing and falling. He taught me, and I am a better worship leader today because of it. I love Him more after going through the pain I didn't on that stage (I hate calling it a stage).

As I'm sure you can understand, I am going to start giving it ALL to God. Not the just pure chords and lyrics, no. I'm giving it all. I'm giving my heart, my mind, my soul to Him in those songs. I'm giving it all to those whom I blessed beyond measure to worship with. I am going to stop singing for the sake of singing and I am going to worship.

Spiritual Gain at An Amazing Concert

Last night, I went to an amazing concert. I almost didn't go, but if I didn't go, you wouldn't have gained the spiritual growth or reminder that I did last night. Some of my favored (Christian) artists were there: Josh Wilson, Sarah Reeves, Micheal from his band Above the Golden State, Britt Nicole, and Danyew. It was amazing and heart-touching to worship with them all last night. All the artists were on stage at once. Who ever wasn't playing sat in chairs on the side of the stage or backing the artist up in instruments or vocals.

First up, Josh Wilson. Josh was amazing, I love his songs even more after hearing them live. He sang his song "Savior Please" and a few others. Britt Nicole backed him up on vocals. It was great to see him and learn more about him. He's a wonderful worship leader.

Next, was Sarah Reeves. Oh, how I already loved Sarah Reeves. Her songs are always poetic and she is a fabulous pianist. Worshipping God with her was a lovely experience. She talked about worshipping as not only going to church on Sundays or singing a song, but as a lifestyle. Then sang her first single "Sweet Sweet Sound", always been one of my favorites. I want that. I want to worship Him in the way I live my life! In the way I approach people, in the way I pray, in the heart that I have, in the way that I live the daily happenings of my life. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to do so. Sarah played her song "Come Save" to end her leading worship, and of course it was spectacular... Micheal, member of the band Above the Golden State, was up next. He is a great musician and was a great entertainer/worship leader. While he sang their song "At The Sound of Your Name" he let us be a part of his music, everyone was dancing and clapping. It was awesome worshipping God with a great crowd.Danyew, the newest artist of the group, took the mic. I was really surprised at his great talent and enjoyed hearing his story of how he left college to play music -- how he let everything go to follow the Will of God. He sang his songs "Streetlight" and "Beautiful King". His 'performance' was a great reminder of how God can be surprising, but we benefit from only thinking that He knows what He is doing, He is the God and we will end up happy to obey. Finally, was Britt Nicole. I didn't always think so much of her, thinking that her music was too 'pop'-y and aimed toward the younger youth. But. I. Love. Her. Even when she wasn't taking the stage, her love to praise Him was beautiful. She and her music were both so fun! The next moment, I was crying, so touched by her heart, music, and lyrics. I want to be her close friend, not just because she's famous. I want to be her friend because I love her evident love for God and I want to have that. I want a people like Britt Nicole in my life. I had been struggling with not feeling too close to God, wishing He was more center in my life. Seeing Britt and her faith completely renewed me. I was crying -- it was pathetic. She saw me crying and pointed to me (or so it appeared). She re-ignited the fire in my bones with her songs "Set the World on Fire", "That's How We Roll", and "The Lost Get Found".

At the end all the artists came together and sang "Heart of Worship", which was just beautiful...

After the concert we got to meet all of them!! I got a Sarah Reeves t-shirt, Harry a Danyew CD, autographs, and pictures!! It was amazing. I told Britt Nicole how the kids at TA looves her music. And told Sarah Reeves of how I adore and aspire to her piano skills. The guys were cool to talk to as well.

I'm praying that the Lord would seal the words He spoke to me at the concert in my heart, I never want to forget.

My Theme Song...

Lately, I have have been struggling with struggles that can seem extremely pathetic in comparison to most burdens. For me, they have been weighing me down, keeping me from a happiness I once felt and yearned to feel once more. Music has been a refuge in all my seasons, a different handful of songs for a different season - most of which are worship songs, for there I find a more reliable strength. After singing "Desert Song" by Jill McCloghry and Brooke Fraser (one of my favorite worship leaders) at church this morning, I feel I have started a new and brighter season. I have heard this song before, but God answered my prayers today in giving me this song. Nothing can show the extent of my gratitude.. So, I'll simply sing the song that He has so graciously spoken to me through...

Here is a video of Jill McCloghry, who sings "Desert Song" with Brooke Fraser. It is a truly moving video and helped me so incredibly much when I was stumbling, trying to get back on my feet... I hope it does the same for you...

Are you crying? (; I now have a whole different perspective on how important it is to praise God through EVERYTHING.

And so begins my new season...