The Crime of the Good Girl

They're a rare breed these days, with rosy cheeks and a killer smile. You'll find them reading their Bibles, teaching the Sunday school classes, &/or playing on the worship team. You can recognize one by their very put together outfits, mascara coated lashes, and the purity ring on their left ring finger. Their facebook profiles are lavished with verses, they are usually intelligent, and Christian music fills their cars when they turn the key in the ignition.

My name is Elisabeth, and I'm a good girl.

I am a part of a small, quiet society of young women who are overall labeled as good ("adj., morally excellent; virtuous; pious"). Some people respond differently than others upon meeting a good girl. There are those who exclaim, "if only my child would grow up to be a girl like you!"; and then there are times we hear someone sneer under a breath, "Oh... she has the clean version of this song." All the while, we know the truths about ourselves: we're hardly good at all. Some of us fight with our families, or harbor an attitude, or listen to secular music. Then you have me, who does all of the above -- sometimes all at once.

Our real crime, however, occurs after we slip up. Maybe it's rare, but when we get caught up in this world and sin, really trip up behind our "good girl" label -- our worlds fall apart. Guilt consumes us, tears shower our faces, and our hearts break. We cry out apologizing again and again to Jesus. We think of those whom we let down. We worry about the hypocrisy of our label.

The crime is found in our anxiety about our slip up. The Bible says to repent and to ask for forgiveness. But it also says that we were set free by Jesus Christ for the sake of freedom, not because we wore our "good" label long enough. The crime is found in the laws that we create and plug into our lives. We do not get into Heaven by our works, but by our hearts. The crime is found in the forgetting that Jesus knew our sins when they were poured out onto Him while He hung on the cross, and that He still pursues our hearts daily.

Women of God are called to freedom, to be beautiful, spiritual, adventurous, strong, loving beings -- despite any perversion, shameful act, or addiction. We are free of any chains, assumptions, expectations, and labels. We are invited to enter an overwhelmingly grand love story with Jesus, filled with passion, joy, and victory.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am set free.

So are you.

Where the True Joy Flows From

Have you ever had that feeling of being wrapped in the arms of someone you love; and love and happiness fills up to your heart's rim, and you just want to melt?

Well, I'm 16, so I'm gonna go ahead and say that I haven't. But that is how I feel in Haiti. I was sitting in Heartline's guest house near Port au Prince in a rocking chair last Wednesday, and upon resting my head back I sighed a sigh of contentment. Ironic, isn't it? Comparing love and comfort to brutal Haiti. But that's how you feel when you are where you belong.

I realized how odd my romantic parallel was when I wrote it in my journal that day, so I began to wonder why exactly so I love this place so much, why do I feel the most complete and free in Haiti?

That's when the understanding poured in. Everyone in Haiti (to some extent) was like me, and I like them. We were all here -- coated in dirt, sweat, and stubbly hair -- for the same purpose. We, willing to trade in our comfort at home, had a similar heart and a united purpose: to follow God, at all costs. I find that the people who have given up everything to radically follow Jesus are my favorite kind of people.

Today was my first day back at school since the trip. I dreaded it. The thought of seeing those college students, most of them not Christians --not to mention not pursuing Jesus' call -- brought deep sadness. I wanted my on-fire-willing-to-serve missionary friends back! In America there are so many distractions: TV, Internet, media, consumer purchasing, materialistic spending, worrying about physical appearance, school and work stress -- it is being put before serving God. How do I know? Because I do it! ...And I hate it, but I still do it. It still happens because it's hard to prevent. In Haiti, I'm around many people who are only living their days to serve God through serving others. They don't watch TV, spend money (because they probably don't have much), or frantically try to cover up every physical flaw -- because it just doesn't matter in the light of serving Jesus.

When you really are living on the grace of the Lord, you will feel overwhelming love and you will feel exciting contentment. After all, I am in love with the Man who said, " a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his posessions . . . But seek His kingdom and these things [food, clothes, safety, happiness] will be given to you as well" (Luke 12: 15 & 31).

Wait . . . It's only Day 3?

Our church-wide fast began last Sunday, and seeing as I'm still raking through my own thoughts, I'm finding it much easier to steal the thoughts and learning of others for the time being. Pastor Jeff of the sensational Lifecoast church wrote this today on his blog. I found it inspiring and thinks that maybe you will too!

On Monday I happened to run into a Lifecoaster and she asked me a question about her fast. She said, “Pastor Jeff, my husband asked me if I wanted a milk shake. I reminded him that I was fasting.” He responded by saying, “Well you are fasting from food. This is a drink. Can’t you have a drink?” She then looked at me with a very puzzled look on her face and said, “I told him No thank you – Did I do the right thing? Or was it o.k. for me to have the milk shake?” I simply said this, “Your fast is a personal thing between you and The Holy Spirit. What did the Holy Spirit tell you about the milk shake?” She smiled and told me that she didn’t feel right in her spirit about drinking a milk shake. I told her, “Then you did the right thing.”

God immediately nudged my spirit as if to say, “Remember this – It’s important!” So perhaps we need to look at this fast in a way that we never have before. It’s not just about the sacrifice we are willing to make. It’s not just about the three or four more times a day we might set aside to communicate with God in prayer. It’s not just about giving our mind and our body a break from whatever it is we are fasting from. Maybe, just maybe, it’s more about learning to seek God in our decision making. We begin with the foods we eat only because those are some of the most frequent decisions we make each day. Maybe God has instructed us to fast on a regular basis to bring us back to the basic function of listening to The Holy Spirit regularly, for every decision. Food is just a good training ground. A training ground of tuning our Spiritual ears into the voice of the Savior. A training ground for listening to what He has to say each time we need to make a decision. A training ground for learning to recognize His voice moment by moment. Then, and only then, can we fulfill what we are commanded to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Pray continually.

1 John 1:7 … if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

P.S. pay no attention to that picture of the milk shake. =)

Something that also hit home with me this morning was something that fellow Lifecoaster, Cheryl posted on our "Awakening 21 Day Fast" Facebook page. She said this:

"If you are under any kind of "attack" today- remember that it is because you bring honor and glory to the Lord in choosing to be obedient, forgiving, gracious and loving. The enemy knows it and feels threatened. Stay strong , family.. we are on the right track!!!!!"

Oh, I love my church family. (: And my God who isn't finished with me yet.

Where a Little Love is, Great Forgiveness Will Be

God re-taught to me a lesson of His forgiveness. His lesson unfolded in a way that I have never experienced before... I was recently given the opportunity either forgive or not forgive a friend. It was a rather new cross road to stand at for me. It was new, because in this case my friend didn't do anything to me or take nor give anything that was mine. This time, forgiveness didn't exactly mean I was okay with an offense done against me.

For me in the last few months, forgiveness meant that . . .

Our friendship was more to me than past choices.

Our friendship was worth more to me than "better" past preconceptions that I had created.

Our friendship needed to be put above my pride, because I'm not above my own sin.

This was difficult, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't just decide to forgive flippantly like I did to the woman who ran into me at the grocery store this morning.

God didn't like this. So during a church service in which handful of us shared our testimony of previous sin, He broke down the walls. He whispered to me how He forgave me of what I did to break His heart. He touched me with memories of what I have done that fractured our relationship. And in tears, I felt His embrace full of love and all of what love really means.

At that moment, I knew.

I knew that I had been molded, stretched like clay. I knew that I wanted to choose forgiveness. Because there's not a feeling quite like it to be able to say: "Even though now I know what you did, I've never cared for you more."

Invitation (5.27.10)

a new day
and the first thing I hear is his voice
whispering, calling, "awake, bride."
that is when I see him,
sporting a smirk upon the opening
of my green eyes.
and my heart melts, for he is Love.

i cant help but remember
how he saved me,
how he rode in, my brave knight,
with valor, delivering me from myself;
slaying my death with his own
and, with his faithful strength, returning to me.

as I lay there, admiring the delight
that's dancing on his face
I know that this hero of mine
has a plan.
extending his handsome, scarred hand
he leans in and whispers,
"run away with me..."

so we descend from the window,
because he only fabricates
plans of adventure and worth.
i feel no need to fear the possible fall
for he has kept me safe
in caressing hands
and vows to do so for always.

when our feet meet the ground,
we run through
cool green grass with our
heads thrown back in laughter.
upon reaching the wildflowers
and still waters, I know we have
arrived.

he sits me down in meadow,
then joins me.
with gentle fingers
tucking a red flower behind my ear.
he sees me stainless, pure, and lovely.
his eyes have yet to leave my face.
"you're beautiful to me."

the grass, the breeze in my hair, the sun kissing our faces.
as we lay there, I trust this is forever.
this is life, this is Love; making my
world a fairytale. and this I know: he'll ask me every morning to share
the day together as his Beloved.

Written by myself while I was in Italy this summer. I thought it was a very romantic place. I believe Jesus must have thought so too, because of all His wooing.

Dreamer

It's been one of those days, when you feel the weight of an oncoming, pending change. All that can be done is to wait... hold your breath, and look within yourself for the ability to make the future of the path you're walking turn the way you want it to. This is when one looks back and appreciates the days previous, knowing that they are days that have been survived... those days are what made you who you are, and they got you to where you are today.

Unfortunately... for me, it's not easy to hold my breath for long, and I fear that I won't have to strength to keep my road from shaking.

The part I do like, however, about this worrisome fear is that it leads me to Jesus. Trusting is hard, but it's a worthy cause to pursue. I do like leaning on Him, no matter what my future will hold, whether it unfolds the way I want it to.

There's something great about walking with Jesus. Even though I can't control much, I know I can turn to Him when needed, and I don't have to walk anywhere alone. It's easier to rest a little more when remembering that a loving, all-knowing God is in charge of my future.

I don't believe in chasing your dreams; I believe that if you chase God, He will bring your dreams, and so much more, to you.

(photo from weheartit.com)

I believe...

...that my life is a fairy tale.

Does that mean my life is always "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows"? No. But what is a fairy tale without hard expeditions, villains, and dragons? I know every life has at least one of these in some form, otherwise you're probably not living. Do you think Belle loved her life when the Beast locked her father in a dungeon? I don't remember Cinderella singing songs when her step-mother and step-sisters tore her beautiful gown.

What makes a fairy tale, a fairy tale?

I am a feminine heart searching for myself through the happenings of everyday. I have battles to fight, hurtles to overcome, and dragons to slay. Although, like all the other princesses, like all the other humans, I can't do it alone. I don't have any dwarves or talking home decor to assist me, but I have loved ones who help me defeat the Evil One. I have forever dreamt of true love and a knight coming to save me. I have my castle, my treasures, great Love, and green open fields to run through. It is hard for me to see sometimes.. but all of it is there.

Actually, a lot of what makes our lives fairy tales is invisible.."for our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

Does that sound "normal"? What about Heaven and Hell?

Those fairy tale books have nothing on the Bible! For those of you who thought that your life is boring, I don't see how you could continue believing such a lie. Because that's what it is: a lie whispered into your heart by the Enemy. (An enemy, another element of a fairy tale.) He wants us to forget that Jesus has called us to live a life of adventure with Him.

The Bible speaks of matter of the heart, of battles, of adventures all the time! But today expressing our hearts and lovey dovey ballads are taboo. Hardships have become simply life's crap -- rather than opportunities to be the feminine Warrior or the brave-heart of a Knight. How often in everyday conversation do you hear of someone giving their son away to die and save the population of the world from their evilness so that they can someday live in a world of gold? Jesus even calls Himself a Prince, multiple times! God is a King! There is something that we have lost... And from it, God's people are overwhelmed by their troubles, or worse... they're bored.

In the deep wakes of overpowering, overwhelming life, I grow bored, I become frustrated, and my heart breaks. But it's in that time where I turn to the ultimate Book of fairy tales, to the most amazing King. I see in my life a fairy tale that becomes real. Everything I go through now is to get to my happy ending, my happily ever after. We all have adventures to live, and we're being called to live then with our Savior King, with our Prince of Peace, and with our Rescuer. We all have a happily ever after. Fighting the battle, slaying the dragons, weathering the adventure -- it's only half the fun.

"Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." ~C.S. Lewis

(photos from weheartit.com)

This Season

I haven't posted in a while. Well, in a week --which for me lately 'a while' is an appropriate way to put it. I wish I could post, and I have been contemplating how to scribe this truthfully, not too vaguely, and still allowing it to be something worth singing about.

In all honesty, what I have to say, I can't say here -- which is unfortunate. I will say this though: it is time for me to shut up. I'll pray, and be still, and find a peace within me with is God planted. God has always taught me through seasons, everything in my Walk has been seasons -- pure, clear, heart changing seasons. This is my season now. It is my least favorite season and one of my heart's favorite. This is me, my path, my life, a piece of everything I'll be doing.

There is an appointed time for everything.

And there is a time for every event under heaven

A time to give birth, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to tear down, and a time to build up.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search, and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3

This, however is what I have been up to..

flowers, photography, bible-ing, babysitting my lovely little friends, and taking it day by day.

PS ~ YES! my camera is fixed! Praise God!

(photos mine)

Home Sick

When most people think of Haiti, they picture something like the photo below. Troubled, scared, worried, about to break.

I am not, in any way, down-playing the pain Haitians go through on a daily basis, because it is an earthly hell. I know that woman pictured above what hurting when I took her picture. She was holding in tears. But I also know that she has a strength that is seldom found here. I can only wonder what was causing pain in her heart. However, when I think of Haiti, I think of something more like this:

Alive Vibrant Love Lively Strength Warmth Laughter Noise Faith Hope Song Happiness

I think of my GOD. I have never seen Him so evident than in Haiti. I think of my Bible; the Word of God alive under that bright sun. I think of worship that fills the air, voices ringing between broken cement, barbed wired walls and mounds of burning trash. God is pleased with the hard working, always faithful servant He has there, I'm sure of it. I am aching to live among them again... I am home sick.

Jumping

I've been living on the edge the last several days. No, I haven't been living with a daring nor fearless demeanor. I have been walked up a mountain by mostly silly little tasks causing stress, but also by large elements that fabricate my life right now, which are pressing on my heart mercilessly. I had no idea I was being lead up this mountain until my feet felt its edge. Until I heard the gravel of its mighty sides break off the cliff and fall to the depths below.

This is where I have been.

It's terrifying. I hated feeling like I needed to distract myself to be happy. I hated worrying and getting nothing accomplished. I hated not feeling like me.

But now I know... A hand has been extended. An invitation has been given. And I don't have to jump alone. I took it! I took the hand. I took the invitation.

I jumped.

I'm free of the edge! The fall feels exhilarating. Now that I'm no longer in this scared state, it's easier to search for joy; I can reach out to others more easily. I know that the fall will be frightening at times. But I'd rather be falling than forgetting. I'm jumping for what I'm passionate about, and if this is what I need to do, I'll do it. Now I'm free. That's what it is... I'm free.

(photo from weheartit.com)