It's Falling in Sheets and Sheets

It's 4pm and it's dark as night. I stand on the balcony, able to reach out and touch the sheet wall of rain. Instead, I stand and wonder how long it took me to notice the quickening of my heartbeat. It became evident, pulse-racingly evident, that I am alive. Fully alive.

A joy, a bliss, a pleasure sweeps me. Because You're standing here. And You, too, are very alive. You are as real and as tangible and as powerful as the breath-stealing thunder. Your love is here! I am here in Your love. Who am I to think that I could be skilled enough to escape Your love? Foolishness. It is falling right in front of my face, in sheets and sheets. I don't stretch out my hand to touch in pure reverence. I couldn't possible touch it, could I? Could I -- me? -- touch God's love? The electric pleasure in my pulse keeps me still. I am content, I am already overwhelmed!

It pours and rains and pours -- and it's for me. He is pouring out His love. He always has and does. I don't know why or how or for whom. I just know it's raining, and it's raining because He loves us. It's always because He loves.

Gentle Fearlessness

{I wrote this for a blog that I'm a writer for a few months ago. I felt called to put it here, too.}

I grew up most of my teenage life with acne blanketing my skin. As most have experienced or can at least imagine, this was a dictator of my self esteem for quite a while. You see, we’re told that this sinful world imprisons, and freedom is only obtained through a give from God. What we’re is not always explained is the sly and silent motion of that imprisoning process. Because of the make-up and Victoria Secret commercials, beauty became a box that one fits into with only a clear, stunning face.

I knew in my mind that our Creator only fabricates things of beauty and worth, but I searched for a way to know it in my heart. I wanted to harbor the truth of what made me beautiful in the eyes of God. I’m sure many of you have already had 1 Peter 3:3-5 come to mind. “Why didn’t she just read that verse and feel better?” That’s understandable, for it very clearly reads…

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

If you’re a sweet, gentle, quiet woman – you may have felt much comfort from this verse. However, if you’re like me, you’re sitting there thinking, “Great, now where’s the beauty verse for the loud, blunt women?” I spent years with these verses being something I paid attention to only half-heartedly, I finally decided I needed to go deeper. My heart is to share with you what Jesus has walked me through.

There are Three Pillars of Womanhood that I believe God is trying to paint for us. When we allow our essence to stand on those pillars, we are living out God’s original purpose for us, perfectly beautiful in His eyes.

1)      Hope – Holy women put all of their hope in the Lord. We are called to not rely on our husbands, finding a husband, our appearance, or our own strength. Most of the people that society are captivated by are those who have known struggle, known defeat, but have still found a way to be triumphant in battle. As women following Christ, that banner we raise as we walk to the front lines should be the truth and promises from Jesus Christ. Many times this needs to be a concentrated effort. Prayer, re-reading His Word, and being still in His presence are all beneficial when trying to lift that banner high. 

2)      Fearlessness – When we have hope rooted in the soil, fearlessness can then begin to grow within us. Proverbs 31:25 says this about a beautiful woman, “²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” This does not mean that she is under that impression that her life will lack hardships. She is not naive. In fact it implies that she aware in full that struggle is on the horizon; and yet all of her hope is deposited in Jesus, leaving her with nothing left to fear. Without fear entangling her in chains, she is free to go about her responsibilities, have confidence, and glorify God.

3)      Beauty – So often I thank Jesus for enjoying beauty. How much more lovely is it to serve someone who likes and creates beautiful things? I was humbled to realize that if He is the Creator of all we see, then beauty originates from who He is. He is beauty. He is light. He is art. He is color. We serve a God who makes everything of worth eternal. When He is passionate about something, He doesn’t hold back. He made our souls eternal, our relationship with Him eternal, and beauty eternal. Therefore, He adores beauty that won’t perish, more specifically, “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”. Oh how much more He cares about your heart than you outer appearance! (Praise God!) Here’s the good news for ladies like me! We don’t need to be quiet and flawless, but the workings of our heart, mind, and soul are to be at peace. Our stress and tendency to micromanage everything was created to be smoothed over with a gentle spirit. How is that spirit cultivated? Especially today with families, jobs, and confidence being eroded by this world? By putting our hope in the Lord, becoming fearless, and allowing that to shine through as our beauty. Make up and push up bras aren’t evil! But we give the enemy an upper hand when we allow those things to define our beauty. In reality, the airbrushed, magazine look is unattainable. However, we have a loving Savior who wants to unveil to us our strength, our beauty, and our specified function to reveal who He is to those around us.

Woman – who you are, and who I am – was the last thing He created when weaving this world together. He let His eyes meditate on all He had formed and said, “No, something is still missing. A different kind of strength than that of men, a fierceness, a peacefulness, a gentleness, a beauty is missing.” And then He fashioned something more beautiful than rolling hills, sunsets, and oceans – something to crown creation. That thing He created, was you. 

Where the Searching Ends

It was just a whisper blown against my heart. An idea. More like a thought. It was about a month ago. God told me while I was meeting with another friend that He thought I would enjoy it if I read through Song of Solomon and wrote down everything that He claimed about me. My friend and I had been meeting and discussing Jesus' love for us, and growing in our ability to make Him feel our love towards Him. His love enables me to love, most importantly to love Him; so I wanted more.
Last week, I sat down in a gardened courtyard at school and listened to Him speak.
(I didn't even finish my list! And I only shared a few.) As women our searching for love ends here.

He is sick with love for me (2:5)
I am His love, His beautiful one, His beloved (2:10)
I am His (2;16)
I am altogether beautiful (4:7)
I captivate His heart at the glance of my eyes (4:9)
I am a locked garden (4:12)
We're friends (5:16)
I am as awesome as an army (6:4)
I am as beautiful as the moon and as bright as the sun (6:10)
His desire is for me (7:10)

There is so much more to unveil than the mere 10 verses I shared. We are declared beautiful and loved and treasured over and over and over. It's repetitive, He wants us to know it.

My Bible verse is probably different from yours. Flip to Song of Solomon and let Him reveal to your heart who you are, and how He loves you. Use my list as a template and fill in the lines with what He tells you. Hold on to your hearts, ladies, it's a deep, sensitive, romantic time with the Man who loves you perfectly.

A Gentle, Quiet Spirit

I'm high-strung.
I'm dangerously passionate.
I'm a whirl-wind.
I'm quick to speak.
I'm a spreading wildfire when injustice is evident.

But today, I'm learning peace. I'm learning quiet. I'm learning strength.
For I've unveiled that I'm not stronger than the meek and mild.
I'm not better by trying to drive down those who threat, mask true identities, and force themselves to the top.
Instead, I'm quick and loud and powerful because that's all I'm capable of doing.
Instead, I'm too weak to be peaceful.
And I don't know how the peaceful do it.
How they stand ground without effort.
How they let it be.
How they hold their tongue.
They are so strong.
And I'm weak.
What people see as strength makes me the weakest person I know.
I can't handle who I am.
I don't have the strength to control these bones and this soul.
But I'm learning. I'm trying to be stronger.
I'm exercising the muscles in my mouth that locks it shut.
I'm unclenching the heart chambers that allow patients to exude.
I'm widening my ears to hear silence in the noise.
I'm enslaving my soul to trust who He is.
It's not a cage, but a freedom.
That's peace.
1Peter3:4

The Crime of the Good Girl

They're a rare breed these days, with rosy cheeks and a killer smile. You'll find them reading their Bibles, teaching the Sunday school classes, &/or playing on the worship team. You can recognize one by their very put together outfits, mascara coated lashes, and the purity ring on their left ring finger. Their facebook profiles are lavished with verses, they are usually intelligent, and Christian music fills their cars when they turn the key in the ignition.

My name is Elisabeth, and I'm a good girl.

I am a part of a small, quiet society of young women who are overall labeled as good ("adj., morally excellent; virtuous; pious"). Some people respond differently than others upon meeting a good girl. There are those who exclaim, "if only my child would grow up to be a girl like you!"; and then there are times we hear someone sneer under a breath, "Oh... she has the clean version of this song." All the while, we know the truths about ourselves: we're hardly good at all. Some of us fight with our families, or harbor an attitude, or listen to secular music. Then you have me, who does all of the above -- sometimes all at once.

Our real crime, however, occurs after we slip up. Maybe it's rare, but when we get caught up in this world and sin, really trip up behind our "good girl" label -- our worlds fall apart. Guilt consumes us, tears shower our faces, and our hearts break. We cry out apologizing again and again to Jesus. We think of those whom we let down. We worry about the hypocrisy of our label.

The crime is found in our anxiety about our slip up. The Bible says to repent and to ask for forgiveness. But it also says that we were set free by Jesus Christ for the sake of freedom, not because we wore our "good" label long enough. The crime is found in the laws that we create and plug into our lives. We do not get into Heaven by our works, but by our hearts. The crime is found in the forgetting that Jesus knew our sins when they were poured out onto Him while He hung on the cross, and that He still pursues our hearts daily.

Women of God are called to freedom, to be beautiful, spiritual, adventurous, strong, loving beings -- despite any perversion, shameful act, or addiction. We are free of any chains, assumptions, expectations, and labels. We are invited to enter an overwhelmingly grand love story with Jesus, filled with passion, joy, and victory.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am set free.

So are you.

She Lets Her Hair Down

I picked up my sister from gymnastics the other day. I got there fifteen minutes early to watch her run, jump, and fly through the air. As I weaved through the gym moms to find a seat, she yelled "Sissy!" across the gymnasium. Sure enough, there she was in her leopard print leotard, waving her hands fanatically. I hadn't showered, wore no make up, and was wearing mom jeans (mom jeans: n. high, loose jeans), and yet she was willing to advertise our relationship. She loves and adores without shame or condition.

The girls had to do an exercise in 15 seconds and as hard as she tried, Mia did it in 20 and needed to do it a second time. I could tell she was holding in tears. I know how badly that competitive 10 year old wanted success, and I know how crushed she was when she didn't reach it. She puts her whole heart into everything she does, not afraid of heartache.

On the way home we chewed gum and sang our favorite songs. I knew she was in Heaven. Corinne Bailey's song "Put Your Records On" sounded from the speakers. I told her that that song reminded me of her because of when Corinne sings about having a pretty afro hair do, just like Mia's. In reality, that song reminds me of her because of the theme about letting your hair down and loving life. My sister lives her days true to who she is and without fear. She keeps no walls or masks up. Mia lives with her hair down.

I found I have a few things to learn from her.

The Fruits # 4: Love

This afternoon, I took some time to read through letters I wrote six years ago to my husband. A lot of things ran through me as I read those letters. Some of them were funny, didn't make sense, or were beyond cheesy. But sometimes, I would be surprised by my ten year old self. I would read something that stopped me in my tracks and I would need to take a second and re-read it. I was evidently in love with this man that I still haven't met.

Little girls imagine their husbands as one man short of Jesus. Surely he will be handsome, strong, talented, romantic, a leader, 100% dependable, funny, and the bestest best pal. We imagine him with a glow around his body, jealously fighting thousands for our affection. There is no greater dream than to find him and have him fall in love with us, and to spend our days loving him back.

I realized today that those little starry-eyed girls turn into teenage girls. And suddenly our future husbands look different. Our hormones often lead to heartache, and heartache leads to the destruction of the picture of our perfect men and that perfect love. We lose faith in the man we've been waiting for, and to some the idea of living to love him is no longer our such an ambition.

What is love? People seem to be all over the place on this. Thankfully, our Father who thinks of everything wrote the answer as clear as day saying, "This is how we know know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us" (1 John 3:16). Basically, if you would lay down your life for someone, the odds are you love them. That should be how we determined such a thing. I'm a big believer in the saying "Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice". My professor last year tried to convince me that love wasn't real, but a blend of smells and chemical reactions. I'm no chemist, so I don't know much. But I do know that that feeling or reaction is what I like to call attraction, not love. I do know that that assumption on feelings is the reason why over half of U.S. marriages fail. I do know that I wouldn't be able to stay with a man for ever based off a happening of "chemical reactions".

For those girls wondering if love can be done, there's a second part to that verse I shared earlier, "And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (1John 3: 16). This is where I started to stumble. Because it's difficult. It's easy for me to say and honestly mean that I love someone, but acting like it is a challenge for me with my family and friends and fellow believers. What do we do that goes beyond what the 50% of Americans divorcees had done? We strive. We work. And we persist -- as Jesus did. We stop giving people pieces of our minds and more pieces of our hearts. We wake up every morning choosing to find ways to make each other feel loved. We have to love, it's a command -- so I vote we do it with stars in our eyes, just like when we were little girls.

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Noelle, age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

The Fruits # 2: Joy

I was sitting in my Modern American Literature class today. I was tired, my professor was cranky, and the guy behind me had a cough. The phrase "I hate Mondays" was beginning to get a whole new meaning. That's when a girl Anna, whom I had in my speech class last semester and who I know is firm Christian, walked in and sat down. I watched her as she reached down to take her books out of her bag. Strangely, from where I was sitting it looked like she was grinning. It was annoying. It was an early, dumb Monday morning -- what did she have to smile about?

That's when God said (probably after hitting me upside the head, if He was here) "You best be workin' on your joyfulness, girl." Maybe He didn't say it just like that, but it was close. I've never been good at choosing joy. Looking beyond the circumstance isn't my forte. After that moment of deciding to work on my joyfulness though, my whole day turned around. April 5, 2011 had many things to be joyful about:

1) I'm joyful because the Lord is using me for His purposes in multiple ministries.

2) I'm joyful because even though I don't like the house that my parents just bought, it will go far beyond keeping us safe and warm.

3) I'm joyful to be able to learn to play instruments.

4) I'm joyful that God gave us His word and my ability to read it.

5) I'm joyful to have my newest favorite shirt.

6) I'm joyful to have such a beauitful church family.

7) I'm joyful to have made plans with friends next Monday.

8) I'm joyful that Jesus loves me far more that I can fathom.

9) I'm joyful that I have eternal life with Jesus and my brothers and sisters.

10) I'm joyful to serve a God whom within joy can always be found.

$27 < Cross

During the last six months, I have finally gotten to a place in my life where I make money. I have several freelance jobs and I was getting excited about the cash flow. Too excited, apparently. About a month ago I finished reading "Radical" by David Platt (you can count on me writing about that book in future). At the end of the book, it challenges you to do 5 life changing things, one of those things being to donate your money to a consistent cause for at least a year (in addition to tithing for the church).

Three Angels Christian Academy opened in 2005 by Three Angels Children's Relief, a non-profit organization in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Students at TACA receive an education, a meal (for most of them the only meal they get each day), and most importantly an opportunity to make a way for themselves in the heartrending world that is Haiti. It takes only $27 dollars a month to sponsor one child, giving them an education, knowledge for a lifetime -- which in their case is life-saving.

$27

I met my sponsor child today. Meet Sarah. She is four years old in the TACA pre-school program. She loves to draw, plays the race car game at recess, and she is thankful for her school because, "I love my classmates." She aspires to be a dancer when she grows up. She lives in a tent with her mom, for her home was destroyed in the 2010 earthquake.

It may seem like a sacrifice, but it's for a brother or sister who has nothing. It may seem like a sacrifice, but what is it compared to the sacrifice that was made for you 2,000 years ago? $27 begins to look a lot smaller in light of the cross.

You can improve a child's life by clicking ---> here.

"The measure of who we are is defined by what we do with what we have." (Vince Lombardi)

Beyond the "I Do"

I believe in arranged marriages. And I don't believe in marrying for love.

My Father picked a boy for me to marry before the day I was born. I had no say in the matter. I was to grow into a woman, and this boy into a man before He would tell us that we were created for each other. To this day my Father refuses to tell me about my future husband, but I'm alright with that. I have a lot to learn before my Father introduces us to each other.

So you see, I won't marry a man because I love him. I don't believe that marrying for love is a good idea at all. To be blunt, I think it's a stupid thing to do. When I marry a man, it will be because I hear God telling me too; it will be because I know that our marriage will impact the world; it will be because I know that coming together as one would bring God all sorts of glory.

I was driving to class today when Andrew Peterson's song “Dancing in the Minefields” came on the radio. I was lost in the beautiful words and acoustic strumming when a realization tugged at my heart: Some where along the way, we created the conclusion that marriage was supposed to resemble a fairy tale couple riding a white horse into the sunset. Now, I'm not and have never been married, but from what I've been taught, that's not what marriage looks like – no matter how nauseatingly romantic your relationship is.

Where in the Bible does it ever say that marriage was easy and was created to make us feel happy, secure, or good about ourselves? No where. This is because marriage isn't for us, it's for our God who loves perfectly. We get to receive a glimpse of how He loves us through marriages; we get the beauty of love in our lives; and we find a forever friend. But marriages are supposed to be used as a man and woman coming together to serve God in ways that they couldn't serve Him apart from each other.

Obviously love and marriage go hand in hand. 1John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Jesus' death for our sins was a love expressed through blood and tears and pain. Wow. Not exactly the heartwarming love we find in Disney movies. But you know, that's the only kind of love that I want. Even if I never meet a man who loves me like that, one man already has two thousand years ago, and still does to this day. That is why I praise my Father for arranging my marriage, why I will marry for more than love.

Where a Little Love is, Great Forgiveness Will Be

God re-taught to me a lesson of His forgiveness. His lesson unfolded in a way that I have never experienced before... I was recently given the opportunity either forgive or not forgive a friend. It was a rather new cross road to stand at for me. It was new, because in this case my friend didn't do anything to me or take nor give anything that was mine. This time, forgiveness didn't exactly mean I was okay with an offense done against me.

For me in the last few months, forgiveness meant that . . .

Our friendship was more to me than past choices.

Our friendship was worth more to me than "better" past preconceptions that I had created.

Our friendship needed to be put above my pride, because I'm not above my own sin.

This was difficult, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't just decide to forgive flippantly like I did to the woman who ran into me at the grocery store this morning.

God didn't like this. So during a church service in which handful of us shared our testimony of previous sin, He broke down the walls. He whispered to me how He forgave me of what I did to break His heart. He touched me with memories of what I have done that fractured our relationship. And in tears, I felt His embrace full of love and all of what love really means.

At that moment, I knew.

I knew that I had been molded, stretched like clay. I knew that I wanted to choose forgiveness. Because there's not a feeling quite like it to be able to say: "Even though now I know what you did, I've never cared for you more."

What's in a Love?

Someone asked me today in my psychology class if I thought love was real, and why. My answer?

I do believe in love. I believe in a God who is love. I believe that love is patient, kind; without envy, boasting, pride, dishonor, selfishness, anger; it rejoices in truth, while it always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres — as said in the well-known verses of Corinthians.

However, I also believe that the concept of love is over-used in cases that aren’t correct. I’m rather cynical, honestly, about that passage from Corinthians being used in weddings — because how many people really love like that? I have only met a few couples who come close with pure hearts. God does love like that, though! So, I know it’s true, and I know that He enables us to love like that. We just need to choose to. I know it’s not easy, for I don’t love perfectly.

I could talk about this forever. But I’ll hold back for tonight.

I do believe in love. My heart knows without a doubt that love is real. I was weaved together out of perfect love. Love runs throughout my veins, my soul, my existence. His love does. I am a part of this Great Romance that takes me by the hand and twirls me around, never to be the same.

On Maintaining a Godly Relationship

I've been a writing fool lately. Evidently, I mean this in a private pen-and-journal way, seeing as on here I'v had little to say. I've decided, though, that I can't let the opinion of others hinder what I want to write here in public. With that, here we go...

Yesterday, I wrote an entry titled "Things to do to Maintain a Godly Relationship". I started out writing it in the hopes of if my sons and daughters one day were interested in having a Godly relationship, they could read it and have their 15 year-old mom talk to them, rather than the mom who yells at them to clean their room. This is something God's been speaking to me a lot about lately; it's something that He's continuing to teach me right now. The more I learn, the more I want to share. So here it is, take it or leave it. (:

~ Don't be a afraid to pray and worship God freely around each other. This is an issue that I know happens between teen Christians. I've faced the choice before, worrying for some reason that my being too bold would freak guys out. Honestly, the way I see it, there's nothing hotter than a guy completely in love with Jesus. And if the guy you're interested in is going to have Godly potential, he should evaluate you the same way.

~ Be true to you. God made you, and God made a partner for you who is going to love every little bit and thing about you. Therefore, don't act like someone you're not to impress a guy. Embrace all the little things that make you who you are, and let him fall fast and hard for the true you.

~ Sex. (Yes, I said the "S" word.) We all know the Bible says to abstain from sex until a couple is married, to remain pure. So where's the invisible line between pure and impure? The question isn't "how far can I go without having sex?". The real question should be "how far do I go before my thoughts become impure?". (Philippians 4:18) Bluntly put, if holding your girlfriend's hand leads you to picturing her naked, don't hold her hand. It's that simple.

Also, don't be afraid to act purely. Be proud that that you're obeying God, that you're waiting for your husband/wife, that you will one day share that perfect moment with your spouse. Virgins are sexy.

~ Grow in God together. Pray about each and every step in your relationship before you take it. Before each decision, each date, each promise. Constantly evaluate things, filtering it through God and His Word. Share with each other what God is doing in your heart and your life, even if it has nothing to do with your relationship. Encourage each other to do God's Will in their lives. Say His name, quote His word, there can't be too much Jesus -- especially in a teen romantic relationship. When you think you've referred to Jesus too many times, say His name again.

When Perky People are Pushing Their Luck

You may have noticed that I have been a bit quite here at the Life Song Journal. (Of course, people don't usually comment on my posts, so it's hard to tell how many have taken note on my absence. (; ) Now, I'm not usually quite. The only time I'm not sharing stories or speaking my mind is when I'm sad, mad, or feel out of place. The last month and a half, I've been feeling a mixture of all three of those emotions. I'm tired of feeling this way, though. I miss speaking and feeling secure about it.

I've never been good at "choosing joy" when something crummy is going on inside of me. I'm not wired that way. (You should see when my mom [whom I love dearly] tells me to "just choose joy!" while I'm PMSing and unhappy. She says it all perky like. It makes me want to hit something. I don't advise being around at such a moment.)

My lovely friend, Sary (whom I miss unbelievably), posted this on Facebook the other day: "Thoughts come before feelings which come before actions. Control your thoughts and you control your actions." At first I blew it off. I have heard something like this before. But three hours later, I felt nudged to write "T,F,A" (thoughts, feelings, actions) on my mirror.

Something I love about this is that, I'm still not choosing joy. Yes, I have a constant underlining joy, but I'm not faking being happy just because people like me better when I'm chipper. I'm controlling my thoughts, therefor how I live my life. And, let me tell you, today I've been living my life a lot happier.

Things that I controlled my thoughts, feelings and actions about, making my day brighter:

~Getting the dishes and math homework done before 10 AM this morning, ridding it of my Tuesday.

~Being almost done figuring out the chords to a song on the piano I'll be doing for Christmas.

~Getting very positive feedback from my cello teacher.

~Discovering I got a B+ on my social psychology test!

~When my God answered my prayers. (He'll answer yours, too.)

~Writing my public speaking speech in a few hours, getting it done two days before I needed to!

~Being drenched in rain.

~Learning about roses from a fellow classmate.

~Changing my negative thoughts about missing an important event to positive thoughts.

~Getting new music.

Chosen: A Girl's Midnight Monologue

I wrote this last August, but I'm feeling it's necessary again on this Autumn day.

Ironic, how being yourself is possibly the most difficult thing one can do. Being satisfied. Being proud. Feeling like you could possibly measure up. To expectations. To those around you.

How does one do it? Is it possible -- or even plausible -- to trust... in the breaking of a new day; to trust in a day of mindless prayers, old pajamas, classes, school, books, paper; a TV, a remote, sitting -- just sitting!; a camera, lens, the shutter sounds; the piano bellows, it sings with its keys, fingers dancing, the vioce straining. There's a smile, there's a fight, a laugh, then a tear. And the days repeat, overlap. An occasional "hello" is followed, always, with a "goodbye".

Is this was it means? To be lovely or beautiful or wonderful? I don't believe so. If it is, I want nothing to do with any of it.

How can you possibly compare with THAT? How will you even attempt?... I couldn't... I can't...

I can only be m--

Thats when you realize. Love... Love is so much bigger than yourself... It is not "in my heart." Love is out-of-body. It is not something you achieve alone, you're not made to! Love isn't because you were good enough, it's because you were chosen (for whatever reason). CHOSEN. You were the gorgeous Lily in a field of white Daisies. In other words, the child touched you and yelled "goose!" while all the other kids were sitting ducks. Love is as wildly untame as the stallions and as miraculously free as the birds. Don't capture it by giving it a labled box. Don't hold it, don't claim it, don't own it... Bask and grow in it, because Love picked you, after you caught its eye and captivated it with one thing: yourself.

Photo from weheartit.com

This Evening's Musings

It's nice to be here, a place of writing and heart-scribing. I think I need it right now.

I've had a night full of seeing how some of the people in my life are truly real. Heartbreakingly, I've also discovered how many people I'm around daily are fake. I don't think there is a bigger feeling of disappointment than discovering someone that you're around all the time is not really who you thought they were. They become liars. There's no doubt that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I want people to think that I'm perfect. But I'm not. And I respect people who don't try to act like they have it all together. The most healthy relationships that I have are with people who don't try to frantically cover up their short comings. And that is what I appreciate the most out of real people. They're real to me. I'm worth the honest friendship and the truth.

God has been easily evident this last week. I truly believe it's because I've been reading my Bible before my feet hit the floor in the morning. Now, I'm a little frightened not to! I love seeing his handiwork in the butterflies and pink/blue skies (He gave me a thing for pretty skies). I love feeling blessed by the words of encouragers -- a few have reassured me tonight, making me feel like I'm where I belong. That is always a lovely feeling.

On a lighter note... Have you seen my apron of cuteness? (:

I'm thankful for this place. That 'publish post' button is looking caressingly orange, and like it's full of healing.

Beloved Childhood Friends

I am beginning to see my 13 year old self as a person outside of me. You know when you look back at a period in your life and think, "Man! Why was I so dumb back then?" -- well, I'm not going through that. At least, I'm not feeling that way about my 13 year old self now. I certainly had my embarrassing, naive moments, but I'm not looking down on the 13 year old me as I have while remembering the 10 year old me. Recently, however, I have been viewing the me that I was two years ago as someone who is no longer who I am today. Make sense?

In five months I'll be 16. Now, I'm not one to freak out about birthdays, but I'll reluctantly say that this is kind of a milestone, 16. All of this has led me to think more and more about the beginnings of my childhood and early teenage years. This is no reason to remind me that I am still extremely young, because I know that I am. I like being youthful. I am simply remembering, reminiscing, seeing that my life has been pretty grand.

I think of life in California, all the kids on the street riding around on our Razor scooters, playing make-believe games and getting into dramatic fights. My (now) heartwarming elementary school, learning with friends whom I laughed with endlessly, us scowling the mean staff members because we were just that cool.

Then we moved to Florida. I hated Florida. I cried deeply in the shower the night before my first day of school in the state. I also got a clump of shaving cream in my eye during that shower -- but that's irrelevant. It didn't help with the crying, though. But things changed, I got used to how things were. We finally found a church that Mom and I liked. I learned a lot there over the years. It was there where I met my best friend. Maybe moving to Florida wasn't that bad...

It's crazy scary how fast years fly by, and so sad how slow they pass. It's heartbreaking and beautiful. I guess the part of my hear that I'm trying to share is that I'm starting to view the 13 year old me as a girl whom I shared that year with the most intimately. The younger Elisabeths are some of the closest people in my life. I'm a little different than they are now, but we have gone through so much together. I'll finish off with saying this, 13 year old me is becoming more and more of a dear friend as each day passes.

(photos from weheartit.com)

Dreamer

It's been one of those days, when you feel the weight of an oncoming, pending change. All that can be done is to wait... hold your breath, and look within yourself for the ability to make the future of the path you're walking turn the way you want it to. This is when one looks back and appreciates the days previous, knowing that they are days that have been survived... those days are what made you who you are, and they got you to where you are today.

Unfortunately... for me, it's not easy to hold my breath for long, and I fear that I won't have to strength to keep my road from shaking.

The part I do like, however, about this worrisome fear is that it leads me to Jesus. Trusting is hard, but it's a worthy cause to pursue. I do like leaning on Him, no matter what my future will hold, whether it unfolds the way I want it to.

There's something great about walking with Jesus. Even though I can't control much, I know I can turn to Him when needed, and I don't have to walk anywhere alone. It's easier to rest a little more when remembering that a loving, all-knowing God is in charge of my future.

I don't believe in chasing your dreams; I believe that if you chase God, He will bring your dreams, and so much more, to you.

(photo from weheartit.com)

This Season

I haven't posted in a while. Well, in a week --which for me lately 'a while' is an appropriate way to put it. I wish I could post, and I have been contemplating how to scribe this truthfully, not too vaguely, and still allowing it to be something worth singing about.

In all honesty, what I have to say, I can't say here -- which is unfortunate. I will say this though: it is time for me to shut up. I'll pray, and be still, and find a peace within me with is God planted. God has always taught me through seasons, everything in my Walk has been seasons -- pure, clear, heart changing seasons. This is my season now. It is my least favorite season and one of my heart's favorite. This is me, my path, my life, a piece of everything I'll be doing.

There is an appointed time for everything.

And there is a time for every event under heaven

A time to give birth, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to tear down, and a time to build up.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search, and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3

This, however is what I have been up to..

flowers, photography, bible-ing, babysitting my lovely little friends, and taking it day by day.

PS ~ YES! my camera is fixed! Praise God!

(photos mine)

For the Saved and the Inked

I would like to take this time to say...

That I think it would be cool to get my nose pierced someday, and I'd like my hair to have a tint of red in it. I am a believer in alternative/rock music. And I have nothing against tattoos, especially ones which hold meaning to its owner.

(That's not all I'm about. I also love dresses, red lipstick, high heels, and I put a flower in my hair any chance I can get. )

In addition, I am a supporter and reader of the Bible, worship music, and following Jesus to the ends of the Earth. My Savior won't love me any less if I want a stud on the side of my nose. And just so you know, I rock out for Jesus everyday -- it's quite a show, I'm sure.

So, I extend a thank you, to all of you who can be "cool" and edgy and remain godly -- not the godly that the "church" society has created.

I would like to point out that I am not against people who dislike tattoos, nose rings, and things of that nature. This is nothing against you. I am simply giving credit to the fact that there are those who can maintain honorable faith and still favor such things.