No Love for Me, No Love for You

It's really hard to re-invent yourself.

For some reason, the notes sung off key are better remembered than those sung correctly.

And that causes a problem for Disciples who walk through the refining fire to be sanctified.

We see reality, truth, and other people through our own emotional lenses -- and that makes it very difficult to fulfill the call in 2 Corinthians, "regard no one according to the flesh".

Is the emotionally-wild girl, who quiets herself before her Lord to learn gentleness and self control, still an immature psycho? Even though her God-given emotions are being abused by her imprisoning flesh and destructive enemy, is she still a lost cause? Or is she not a woman for acknowledging her sin and willing to walk through the valley to change her heart?

How many days clean must an addict be before she has open arms extended to her? How many "I love you's" must the unfaithful whisper before a marriage is restored?

God knows the heart's yearning and progress and growth. He makes the creation new. He makes the old melt away.

I am at fault.
I have regarded some according to their flesh, because their flesh hurt me and they didn't deserve it to be over looked.

But "love in response to goodness isn't love, but simply a reward... and our relationship with God is not a matter of reward, but of love."

He re-invents me. And it doesn't take time, failures, and then more time with fewer failures for Him to see the newness. He knows me. He is the only one who sees me when I pray. He is the only one who feels my self-condemnation when I mess up. He is the only one who sees me for my soul and not my flesh.

After the bark-wood, the salty beads on His forehead, the inclined trudge, the weight, the pounding of nails -- somehow, to you, I am still regarded as the crazy girl. And you, well, I regard you as the one who hurts me. So, no love for me and no love for you.

But He doesn't see what we see. I am the creation of a fearful, wonderful woman. I am the creation of beauty, purposeful emotion, and fearlessness. (I didn't lose my humility. Humility is knowing who you are and feeling comfortable with it -- not denying your God-glorifying identity and gifts. Humility is always measuring yourself by the Infinite.) And you, you are priceless, to die for, made in strength, boldness; a masterpiece, an heir to the Heavenly realm.

I don't know if I know you. I don't know if you go to my church. I don't know if you are a man or woman. But I do know you have an infinite soul defined by God's love, acceptance, and the great value He placed on you.
And from here on, I will regard you in that way.

quote above from Steve Brown

A Gentle, Quiet Spirit

I'm high-strung.
I'm dangerously passionate.
I'm a whirl-wind.
I'm quick to speak.
I'm a spreading wildfire when injustice is evident.

But today, I'm learning peace. I'm learning quiet. I'm learning strength.
For I've unveiled that I'm not stronger than the meek and mild.
I'm not better by trying to drive down those who threat, mask true identities, and force themselves to the top.
Instead, I'm quick and loud and powerful because that's all I'm capable of doing.
Instead, I'm too weak to be peaceful.
And I don't know how the peaceful do it.
How they stand ground without effort.
How they let it be.
How they hold their tongue.
They are so strong.
And I'm weak.
What people see as strength makes me the weakest person I know.
I can't handle who I am.
I don't have the strength to control these bones and this soul.
But I'm learning. I'm trying to be stronger.
I'm exercising the muscles in my mouth that locks it shut.
I'm unclenching the heart chambers that allow patients to exude.
I'm widening my ears to hear silence in the noise.
I'm enslaving my soul to trust who He is.
It's not a cage, but a freedom.
That's peace.
1Peter3:4

Together at Last

She flung herself onto Him, wrapping her arms around His neck.  Though He never spoke the words, with their faces close, and eyes closed, the words "I am all you need," radiated off of Him.

Together at last.

As they opened their eyes, smiles broke out across two overwhelmingly joyful faces.  "I thought this day would never come," she spoke in quiet excitment.  Releasing their embrace, He twirled her around saying, "I've been waiting for this moment since the day you were born."

She could feel as her eyes dance, "Really?"

With His charming smirk, He pretended to think about it for a second and answered, "Well, no.  Actually, I have been waiting to be with you since I made the moon.  Since the first time I rose flaming colors of gold, blue, and purple with the sun in the morning.  Since I let the words, 'It is finished' get caught up in the wind on the day of My death."

He wiped the two tears streaming down her face with the side of His gentle, strong thumb.  She couldn't fathom the reality of being here with Him.  The One she had loved to irrevocably before this moment, the One she had lived her small life for, the One that covered her in a love that wasn't found anywhere else.

The pure happiness overwhelmed Him as well as He took her back into His arms -- just as He did throughout her whole life on earth without her knowing.

The longing they had for each other during the wait made this moment difficult to take in, but it was very real.  Their love for each other was very real.

And now, they were together at last.

Waiting

Some Joplin jazz played while the AC's air made the room even colder than the chill that came from our conversation.  I crossed my legs, and took another sip of my carmel frappuccino; never letting my eyes revert from hers across the small circle table, as she let her soul spill from the deepest chambers within, out of her mouth, to me.

"I imagine a heart of glass being dropped onto a large mirror.  And after it shatters, and the pieces scatter, I see my reflection staring back tup at me.  It was my heart, and me who broke it.  The moment I believed him, I did the heart breaking myself."

Soaking it in, I sat straighter at the edge of my chair.  

She continued, "I settled, gave my heart to someone else because I was impatient.  I didn't wait.  Not for him."

The air shifted.  The AC turned off.  I was intrigued, "Who's that?"

"Him," she stated matter-a-factly, "The man who worships like David, is wise like Solomon, and brave like Jonathan.  The man who is obedient to God like Abraham and has faith like Joshua.  He who has Jesus as his closets friend, like Peter.  He who is willing to endure suffering to chase God and spread the gospel like Paul."

"I'm still waiting for him too..." I replied.  "I have found a man, however," I said as hope cast over her eyes, "who has given me flowers everyday -- along with fields, oceans, and sunrises.  I've found a man who deeply believes that I couldn't be more beautiful, and doesn't want to defile my purity.  I've found a man who died in following God wholeheartedly with bravery.  I've found a man stronger than anyone I have ever seen before, with a strength that cannot be beaten even by the grave.  I've found a man who has always loved me, and me alone, genuinely.  I've found a man who is relentlessly pursuing me, even while knowing the dark shadows of my heart.  I've found a man who has been waiting for me, ever so patiently and selflessly, since the day I was born; hoping with his whole being that I would one day fully love Him in return."

He's waiting for you too. 

The Crime of the Good Girl

They're a rare breed these days, with rosy cheeks and a killer smile. You'll find them reading their Bibles, teaching the Sunday school classes, &/or playing on the worship team. You can recognize one by their very put together outfits, mascara coated lashes, and the purity ring on their left ring finger. Their facebook profiles are lavished with verses, they are usually intelligent, and Christian music fills their cars when they turn the key in the ignition.

My name is Elisabeth, and I'm a good girl.

I am a part of a small, quiet society of young women who are overall labeled as good ("adj., morally excellent; virtuous; pious"). Some people respond differently than others upon meeting a good girl. There are those who exclaim, "if only my child would grow up to be a girl like you!"; and then there are times we hear someone sneer under a breath, "Oh... she has the clean version of this song." All the while, we know the truths about ourselves: we're hardly good at all. Some of us fight with our families, or harbor an attitude, or listen to secular music. Then you have me, who does all of the above -- sometimes all at once.

Our real crime, however, occurs after we slip up. Maybe it's rare, but when we get caught up in this world and sin, really trip up behind our "good girl" label -- our worlds fall apart. Guilt consumes us, tears shower our faces, and our hearts break. We cry out apologizing again and again to Jesus. We think of those whom we let down. We worry about the hypocrisy of our label.

The crime is found in our anxiety about our slip up. The Bible says to repent and to ask for forgiveness. But it also says that we were set free by Jesus Christ for the sake of freedom, not because we wore our "good" label long enough. The crime is found in the laws that we create and plug into our lives. We do not get into Heaven by our works, but by our hearts. The crime is found in the forgetting that Jesus knew our sins when they were poured out onto Him while He hung on the cross, and that He still pursues our hearts daily.

Women of God are called to freedom, to be beautiful, spiritual, adventurous, strong, loving beings -- despite any perversion, shameful act, or addiction. We are free of any chains, assumptions, expectations, and labels. We are invited to enter an overwhelmingly grand love story with Jesus, filled with passion, joy, and victory.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am set free.

So are you.

Ladies, This is an Appeal

I think we're doing something wrong. Actually, I know we're doing a lot wrong. We know what we want, we know our way of getting it, and yet the execution of the plan doesn't unfold the way we had envisioned. We're not as high maintenance as people think! Our hearts aren't as complicated as made out to be. Hormones don't help our case, but I think we can agree that the needs of our hearts are few.

Here's the deal: We're walking around with broken hearts. And I know I'm not the only one who knows that it's not necessary and is avoidable. (I know, it sounds like some kind of female-code-blasphemy to imagine.)

We all know how much faster we mature than guys. We know. It's not a secret. And I find that as we follow Jesus and are in the Word, we slowly but surely learn what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like. And we want it. We want that husband that multiple authors of the Bible wrote about. So we look for that in the guys around us. This is where problems fly in like grenades, and with a rumbling explosion our hearts break. Now, I'm not picking on young men, they certainly make life... colorful. But they simply, for the most part, aren't where we are. (On the plus side, they kill bugs and are about 30% stronger than us.) Simply put, a lot of them aren't ready to want to be our Biblical hero husbands, and a lot of them simply don't have what we're searching for. YET. They're growing a few steps behind at this age. They catch up though, Jesus told me.

Now, here's the part you don't want to hear: We're growing still too. I resisted this for a while. I knew everything already, of course. But after we accept this, I find that so much more fulfillment and freedom will be found. The job of a guy's spiritual growth is in the hands of our God and their parents. We can't change em, ladies. And we're not supposed to. It's a humbling blessing if we do, but if we focused on planting ourselves in Christ and blossoming there, our hearts will be filled and comforted beyond the level any man could accomplish.

Trying to impress him with drugs, drinking, or sexual knowledge won't get him to love you forever. Experience in the sheets won't make him respect you more. If Cinderella could get her Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you. Swearing, listening to "cool" music, or taking him back after mistakes won't guarantee you a ring on that finger. If anything, you can count on them starting to talk to someone else after you give them all that at this point in their maturity.

So, what would this one stumbling but striving Christian teenage girl do? Keep your body in your clothes, and let some Scripture out. You'll weed out the losers from the winners in no time. Otherwise, it will be hard to do, and your heart will break more times than necessary. Most of us know guys are our weakness, and don't believe for a second that just because we're young Satan won't use that against, ya sister.

Unfortunately, Prince Charming doesn't ride up on a white horse when we sing enchantingly like in fairy tales. They're not that easy to find, especially today. But they're out there. When we follow Jesus, people who also want to live for Him, want a Godly relationship, and seek love forever will come into your life -- in God's perfect timing. And maybe, if you're lucky, one will even ride in on a white horse.

Pounding Nails

She lied. She sinned. Ultimately, she broke hearts. The pain could have been reaped for years if we had let it. I didn't think our friend ship would ever be the same. I found it essentially impossible to put trust in her words after viciously deceptive ones left that same mouth. Part of me would have rather not cared to try at all.

No matter how much I wanted to, forgiveness hardly appeared to be an option.

I was holding fast to a heart with clenched hands, suffocating it. I was what stood in its way of freedom. That breathless heart was mine. It was a captive to my fear of her lies that could resurface if I forgave her. Then I felt a whisper against my soul, what made me so much better than her? What made me the victim?

I thought of my Jesus, whom I claim to love. Putting work, chores, luxuries before Him -- at that I am an expert. I read my Bible and cross it off my to-do list like it's a burden. I find time for Him when He is always waiting expectantly for me to turn to Him, and always wanting one more sweet moment to spend with me. I wonder how many times a day I hurt His heart. I wonder how many times in my 16 years I have put pain in His eyes. I thought of all the times I had little affairs, choosing that song, task, word, or person before Him; just pounding that nail deeper into His hand.

Upon that I realized, finding forgiveness for her may not be so difficult after all.

The Fruits: Patience

I used to avoid that part of Galations, where Paul write about the Fruits of the Spirit. Now, I love fruit -- it's my favorite food! But these fruits I hindered away from. Galations 5:22 & 23 was a no-go zone for Elisabeth.

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control.

Sure love, joy, peace -- it all sounds nice. But I knew that I could never live out those fruits as they are meant to be lived out. It was on my birthday four months ago, however, that when needing encouragement, my Pastor lovingly reminded me of the fruits in a Facebook message. I haven't stopped thinking about the nine words since. God has relentlessly put them on my heart. So, I decided to focus on one fruit a day and work on living it out.

Naturally, I thought I would start with Love, seeing as it is the first one listed. Today, however, I was at a paint store with my mom and she asked me to put a paint sample back. As I walked to the wall covered in colored paper squares, I looked at the sample and you know what it was called? Patience. Well, God, I appreciate Your bluntness, was what I prayed right then and there. So, the King had spoken. April 3rd 2011 was a day of patience for me.

It was difficult, but the Lord always provided me with the ability to show proper patience when I called on Him. Oh boy, I failed often too. But I feel so blessed to have learned what I have learned and to have felt what I have felt. My sister decided to obnoxiously communicate with friends of mine multiple times at church today, and -- through the power of Jesus Christ alone, I assure you -- I resisted the urge to yell at her. And, what do you know, it felt really good to not be mad at her. Also today, a prayer I've been praying for months now has been answered. You know that's one of the best feelings! Waiting upon the Lord does do wonders.

Abiding in Him as filled me with so much praise. I look forward to tomorrow's fruit!