Where the Searching Ends

It was just a whisper blown against my heart. An idea. More like a thought. It was about a month ago. God told me while I was meeting with another friend that He thought I would enjoy it if I read through Song of Solomon and wrote down everything that He claimed about me. My friend and I had been meeting and discussing Jesus' love for us, and growing in our ability to make Him feel our love towards Him. His love enables me to love, most importantly to love Him; so I wanted more.
Last week, I sat down in a gardened courtyard at school and listened to Him speak.
(I didn't even finish my list! And I only shared a few.) As women our searching for love ends here.

He is sick with love for me (2:5)
I am His love, His beautiful one, His beloved (2:10)
I am His (2;16)
I am altogether beautiful (4:7)
I captivate His heart at the glance of my eyes (4:9)
I am a locked garden (4:12)
We're friends (5:16)
I am as awesome as an army (6:4)
I am as beautiful as the moon and as bright as the sun (6:10)
His desire is for me (7:10)

There is so much more to unveil than the mere 10 verses I shared. We are declared beautiful and loved and treasured over and over and over. It's repetitive, He wants us to know it.

My Bible verse is probably different from yours. Flip to Song of Solomon and let Him reveal to your heart who you are, and how He loves you. Use my list as a template and fill in the lines with what He tells you. Hold on to your hearts, ladies, it's a deep, sensitive, romantic time with the Man who loves you perfectly.

The Crime of the Good Girl

They're a rare breed these days, with rosy cheeks and a killer smile. You'll find them reading their Bibles, teaching the Sunday school classes, &/or playing on the worship team. You can recognize one by their very put together outfits, mascara coated lashes, and the purity ring on their left ring finger. Their facebook profiles are lavished with verses, they are usually intelligent, and Christian music fills their cars when they turn the key in the ignition.

My name is Elisabeth, and I'm a good girl.

I am a part of a small, quiet society of young women who are overall labeled as good ("adj., morally excellent; virtuous; pious"). Some people respond differently than others upon meeting a good girl. There are those who exclaim, "if only my child would grow up to be a girl like you!"; and then there are times we hear someone sneer under a breath, "Oh... she has the clean version of this song." All the while, we know the truths about ourselves: we're hardly good at all. Some of us fight with our families, or harbor an attitude, or listen to secular music. Then you have me, who does all of the above -- sometimes all at once.

Our real crime, however, occurs after we slip up. Maybe it's rare, but when we get caught up in this world and sin, really trip up behind our "good girl" label -- our worlds fall apart. Guilt consumes us, tears shower our faces, and our hearts break. We cry out apologizing again and again to Jesus. We think of those whom we let down. We worry about the hypocrisy of our label.

The crime is found in our anxiety about our slip up. The Bible says to repent and to ask for forgiveness. But it also says that we were set free by Jesus Christ for the sake of freedom, not because we wore our "good" label long enough. The crime is found in the laws that we create and plug into our lives. We do not get into Heaven by our works, but by our hearts. The crime is found in the forgetting that Jesus knew our sins when they were poured out onto Him while He hung on the cross, and that He still pursues our hearts daily.

Women of God are called to freedom, to be beautiful, spiritual, adventurous, strong, loving beings -- despite any perversion, shameful act, or addiction. We are free of any chains, assumptions, expectations, and labels. We are invited to enter an overwhelmingly grand love story with Jesus, filled with passion, joy, and victory.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am set free.

So are you.

The Fruits # 4: Love

This afternoon, I took some time to read through letters I wrote six years ago to my husband. A lot of things ran through me as I read those letters. Some of them were funny, didn't make sense, or were beyond cheesy. But sometimes, I would be surprised by my ten year old self. I would read something that stopped me in my tracks and I would need to take a second and re-read it. I was evidently in love with this man that I still haven't met.

Little girls imagine their husbands as one man short of Jesus. Surely he will be handsome, strong, talented, romantic, a leader, 100% dependable, funny, and the bestest best pal. We imagine him with a glow around his body, jealously fighting thousands for our affection. There is no greater dream than to find him and have him fall in love with us, and to spend our days loving him back.

I realized today that those little starry-eyed girls turn into teenage girls. And suddenly our future husbands look different. Our hormones often lead to heartache, and heartache leads to the destruction of the picture of our perfect men and that perfect love. We lose faith in the man we've been waiting for, and to some the idea of living to love him is no longer our such an ambition.

What is love? People seem to be all over the place on this. Thankfully, our Father who thinks of everything wrote the answer as clear as day saying, "This is how we know know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us" (1 John 3:16). Basically, if you would lay down your life for someone, the odds are you love them. That should be how we determined such a thing. I'm a big believer in the saying "Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice". My professor last year tried to convince me that love wasn't real, but a blend of smells and chemical reactions. I'm no chemist, so I don't know much. But I do know that that feeling or reaction is what I like to call attraction, not love. I do know that that assumption on feelings is the reason why over half of U.S. marriages fail. I do know that I wouldn't be able to stay with a man for ever based off a happening of "chemical reactions".

For those girls wondering if love can be done, there's a second part to that verse I shared earlier, "And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (1John 3: 16). This is where I started to stumble. Because it's difficult. It's easy for me to say and honestly mean that I love someone, but acting like it is a challenge for me with my family and friends and fellow believers. What do we do that goes beyond what the 50% of Americans divorcees had done? We strive. We work. And we persist -- as Jesus did. We stop giving people pieces of our minds and more pieces of our hearts. We wake up every morning choosing to find ways to make each other feel loved. We have to love, it's a command -- so I vote we do it with stars in our eyes, just like when we were little girls.

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Noelle, age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

The Fruits: Patience

I used to avoid that part of Galations, where Paul write about the Fruits of the Spirit. Now, I love fruit -- it's my favorite food! But these fruits I hindered away from. Galations 5:22 & 23 was a no-go zone for Elisabeth.

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control.

Sure love, joy, peace -- it all sounds nice. But I knew that I could never live out those fruits as they are meant to be lived out. It was on my birthday four months ago, however, that when needing encouragement, my Pastor lovingly reminded me of the fruits in a Facebook message. I haven't stopped thinking about the nine words since. God has relentlessly put them on my heart. So, I decided to focus on one fruit a day and work on living it out.

Naturally, I thought I would start with Love, seeing as it is the first one listed. Today, however, I was at a paint store with my mom and she asked me to put a paint sample back. As I walked to the wall covered in colored paper squares, I looked at the sample and you know what it was called? Patience. Well, God, I appreciate Your bluntness, was what I prayed right then and there. So, the King had spoken. April 3rd 2011 was a day of patience for me.

It was difficult, but the Lord always provided me with the ability to show proper patience when I called on Him. Oh boy, I failed often too. But I feel so blessed to have learned what I have learned and to have felt what I have felt. My sister decided to obnoxiously communicate with friends of mine multiple times at church today, and -- through the power of Jesus Christ alone, I assure you -- I resisted the urge to yell at her. And, what do you know, it felt really good to not be mad at her. Also today, a prayer I've been praying for months now has been answered. You know that's one of the best feelings! Waiting upon the Lord does do wonders.

Abiding in Him as filled me with so much praise. I look forward to tomorrow's fruit!

Where the True Joy Flows From

Have you ever had that feeling of being wrapped in the arms of someone you love; and love and happiness fills up to your heart's rim, and you just want to melt?

Well, I'm 16, so I'm gonna go ahead and say that I haven't. But that is how I feel in Haiti. I was sitting in Heartline's guest house near Port au Prince in a rocking chair last Wednesday, and upon resting my head back I sighed a sigh of contentment. Ironic, isn't it? Comparing love and comfort to brutal Haiti. But that's how you feel when you are where you belong.

I realized how odd my romantic parallel was when I wrote it in my journal that day, so I began to wonder why exactly so I love this place so much, why do I feel the most complete and free in Haiti?

That's when the understanding poured in. Everyone in Haiti (to some extent) was like me, and I like them. We were all here -- coated in dirt, sweat, and stubbly hair -- for the same purpose. We, willing to trade in our comfort at home, had a similar heart and a united purpose: to follow God, at all costs. I find that the people who have given up everything to radically follow Jesus are my favorite kind of people.

Today was my first day back at school since the trip. I dreaded it. The thought of seeing those college students, most of them not Christians --not to mention not pursuing Jesus' call -- brought deep sadness. I wanted my on-fire-willing-to-serve missionary friends back! In America there are so many distractions: TV, Internet, media, consumer purchasing, materialistic spending, worrying about physical appearance, school and work stress -- it is being put before serving God. How do I know? Because I do it! ...And I hate it, but I still do it. It still happens because it's hard to prevent. In Haiti, I'm around many people who are only living their days to serve God through serving others. They don't watch TV, spend money (because they probably don't have much), or frantically try to cover up every physical flaw -- because it just doesn't matter in the light of serving Jesus.

When you really are living on the grace of the Lord, you will feel overwhelming love and you will feel exciting contentment. After all, I am in love with the Man who said, " a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his posessions . . . But seek His kingdom and these things [food, clothes, safety, happiness] will be given to you as well" (Luke 12: 15 & 31).

What's in a Love?

Someone asked me today in my psychology class if I thought love was real, and why. My answer?

I do believe in love. I believe in a God who is love. I believe that love is patient, kind; without envy, boasting, pride, dishonor, selfishness, anger; it rejoices in truth, while it always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres — as said in the well-known verses of Corinthians.

However, I also believe that the concept of love is over-used in cases that aren’t correct. I’m rather cynical, honestly, about that passage from Corinthians being used in weddings — because how many people really love like that? I have only met a few couples who come close with pure hearts. God does love like that, though! So, I know it’s true, and I know that He enables us to love like that. We just need to choose to. I know it’s not easy, for I don’t love perfectly.

I could talk about this forever. But I’ll hold back for tonight.

I do believe in love. My heart knows without a doubt that love is real. I was weaved together out of perfect love. Love runs throughout my veins, my soul, my existence. His love does. I am a part of this Great Romance that takes me by the hand and twirls me around, never to be the same.

On Maintaining a Godly Relationship

I've been a writing fool lately. Evidently, I mean this in a private pen-and-journal way, seeing as on here I'v had little to say. I've decided, though, that I can't let the opinion of others hinder what I want to write here in public. With that, here we go...

Yesterday, I wrote an entry titled "Things to do to Maintain a Godly Relationship". I started out writing it in the hopes of if my sons and daughters one day were interested in having a Godly relationship, they could read it and have their 15 year-old mom talk to them, rather than the mom who yells at them to clean their room. This is something God's been speaking to me a lot about lately; it's something that He's continuing to teach me right now. The more I learn, the more I want to share. So here it is, take it or leave it. (:

~ Don't be a afraid to pray and worship God freely around each other. This is an issue that I know happens between teen Christians. I've faced the choice before, worrying for some reason that my being too bold would freak guys out. Honestly, the way I see it, there's nothing hotter than a guy completely in love with Jesus. And if the guy you're interested in is going to have Godly potential, he should evaluate you the same way.

~ Be true to you. God made you, and God made a partner for you who is going to love every little bit and thing about you. Therefore, don't act like someone you're not to impress a guy. Embrace all the little things that make you who you are, and let him fall fast and hard for the true you.

~ Sex. (Yes, I said the "S" word.) We all know the Bible says to abstain from sex until a couple is married, to remain pure. So where's the invisible line between pure and impure? The question isn't "how far can I go without having sex?". The real question should be "how far do I go before my thoughts become impure?". (Philippians 4:18) Bluntly put, if holding your girlfriend's hand leads you to picturing her naked, don't hold her hand. It's that simple.

Also, don't be afraid to act purely. Be proud that that you're obeying God, that you're waiting for your husband/wife, that you will one day share that perfect moment with your spouse. Virgins are sexy.

~ Grow in God together. Pray about each and every step in your relationship before you take it. Before each decision, each date, each promise. Constantly evaluate things, filtering it through God and His Word. Share with each other what God is doing in your heart and your life, even if it has nothing to do with your relationship. Encourage each other to do God's Will in their lives. Say His name, quote His word, there can't be too much Jesus -- especially in a teen romantic relationship. When you think you've referred to Jesus too many times, say His name again.

Wondering Where This Road Is Leading

My heart has been here lately:

With little hands and dirty cheeks. With loving babies and kids with amazing hearts. I've had a lot of dreams this week about being back in Haiti. Being home under that beautiful, beating sun.

I've also been thinking a lot about how Haiti is going to be factored in into my adult life. Honestly, I've been a bit torn...

I dream of a clean quaint house, smelling of candles and food (my doing), with a handful of kids who look and act perfect doing school work (this is a dream, of course).

However, when I don't dream, when I think, I think of a house surrounded by a cement wall, a couple big "trained" dogs walking around, beans and rice in bowls on the counter, and a hand-made broom propped next to a pile of swept up dirt. I think of roosters sounding, my neck sweating, and babies crying my name in an adorable accent. I think of Haiti. A live like this:

I'm a multi-sided person. Can I have one and not the other? Can I live my fifties-house-wife imaginary world and ignore the love I have for Haiti and its people? Can I live in Haiti and be ok with sacrificing the typical home-maker life?

Well... Last night, after feeling totally spent, I read this in my Bible: "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability." (2 Corinthians 8:3) I read it over and over and was totally in awe more and more each time. If you don't share my excitement, read it again until you do.

I continued reading and found this:

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that thought he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." (2 Corinthians 6:9) . . . "Our desire is not that other might be relieved while you are hard pressed, that there might be equality. At the the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what your need. Then there will be equality." (2 Corinthians 8: 13 & 14)

I love Haiti. Living there always sounded grand to me (mostly because I already know a lot of details to how living in Haiti is anything but "grand"). Only in two places have I ever been told that I was "in my element": after leading worship, and while I was in Haiti.

A lot can argue that it's too early to be thinking about this. But as long as I am being asked what I want to do with my life, I say it's perfectly justified. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, just that this is how I organize my heart. There is a lot to factor in, there's a lot of life to live first, and ultimately, I just want what God believes I'll be best placed. All I can really do right now is pray for that.

Burning Like the Sun

There's something quite significant about the sun. It's powerful, strong, and spirit-lifting. The mysterious, unapproachable air that it obtains brings it only more majesty, glorifying God in a way that inspires. It shines to the deep corners of the earth. The blessings that God has bestowed on us through the sun is many.

The Word holds many comparisons to the brightness of the sun. The verse I think of first is this:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

I see it a beautiful thing that God would compare our faithfulness to the warmth and power of the sun. Perhaps because when I imagine the sun I think of being enveloped in warmth, of the brightness and liveliness of Haiti, of positive hope, or promises, of a future.

Following God's will, I'm learning, feels a lot like standing in the sun: embraced, content, Spirit filled.

I believe...

...that my life is a fairy tale.

Does that mean my life is always "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows"? No. But what is a fairy tale without hard expeditions, villains, and dragons? I know every life has at least one of these in some form, otherwise you're probably not living. Do you think Belle loved her life when the Beast locked her father in a dungeon? I don't remember Cinderella singing songs when her step-mother and step-sisters tore her beautiful gown.

What makes a fairy tale, a fairy tale?

I am a feminine heart searching for myself through the happenings of everyday. I have battles to fight, hurtles to overcome, and dragons to slay. Although, like all the other princesses, like all the other humans, I can't do it alone. I don't have any dwarves or talking home decor to assist me, but I have loved ones who help me defeat the Evil One. I have forever dreamt of true love and a knight coming to save me. I have my castle, my treasures, great Love, and green open fields to run through. It is hard for me to see sometimes.. but all of it is there.

Actually, a lot of what makes our lives fairy tales is invisible.."for our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

Does that sound "normal"? What about Heaven and Hell?

Those fairy tale books have nothing on the Bible! For those of you who thought that your life is boring, I don't see how you could continue believing such a lie. Because that's what it is: a lie whispered into your heart by the Enemy. (An enemy, another element of a fairy tale.) He wants us to forget that Jesus has called us to live a life of adventure with Him.

The Bible speaks of matter of the heart, of battles, of adventures all the time! But today expressing our hearts and lovey dovey ballads are taboo. Hardships have become simply life's crap -- rather than opportunities to be the feminine Warrior or the brave-heart of a Knight. How often in everyday conversation do you hear of someone giving their son away to die and save the population of the world from their evilness so that they can someday live in a world of gold? Jesus even calls Himself a Prince, multiple times! God is a King! There is something that we have lost... And from it, God's people are overwhelmed by their troubles, or worse... they're bored.

In the deep wakes of overpowering, overwhelming life, I grow bored, I become frustrated, and my heart breaks. But it's in that time where I turn to the ultimate Book of fairy tales, to the most amazing King. I see in my life a fairy tale that becomes real. Everything I go through now is to get to my happy ending, my happily ever after. We all have adventures to live, and we're being called to live then with our Savior King, with our Prince of Peace, and with our Rescuer. We all have a happily ever after. Fighting the battle, slaying the dragons, weathering the adventure -- it's only half the fun.

"Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." ~C.S. Lewis

(photos from weheartit.com)

the Lord's word will never return empty.

Some Stuff from my Favorite Book

1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

Ezra 9:6 - O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the Heavens.

Nehemiah 1:5-7 - O Lord, God of Heavens, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night ...I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself, have committed against you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.

Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'.

Mark 11:22-24 - Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go throw yourself into the sea", and has no doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done or him. Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Well, i have been living in my Bible. Almost every time i open it now, i tell myself I'm only going to read a verse or two but that turns into an hour.

That 1John verse comes with a really cool story:
Wednesday night I was at my friends' house for youth group. Certain verses were being asked to be found and they would be read out loud in a few minutes. Mark Something or Other was asked to be found, but before i could yell, "I got it", the guy sitting next to me found it first. Then another verse was asked to be found, evidently the guy sitting behind me found it first. Then 1John was asked to be found, and before i even tried to look for it i yelled, "Called it!". But then when I began to look for it, I realized that I was so excited that I didn't even listen to what verse it was. So i asked what it was. 1John -somethin' or other- , okay cool. So I look for it again. But my excitement was so loud that i couldn't hear what chapter or verse, i ask again. I got an answer of Chapter 1, verse 9, and my quest began again. I found it, bookmarked it, highlighted it, all without reading it. My friend Matt sitting across the room asked, "Still got it?". "Yeah, thanks, still got it", I reply going along with our usual sarcastic bit. But then the doorbell rings and in comes my mother. Dad was out of town and she needed to get the kids in bed. So, reluctantly, i gave hugs and left. After youth group I always feel refreshed and purified by hanging out with some of my favorite and most amazing people and by praising God together, so on the ride home I belted out songs along with the worship CD that was playing. When I got home I went to my room and, out of pure curiosity, read the verse that I tried so hard to get and never got to read. And WHOA! - these were the words I so desperately needed to see. I felt like someone smaked me across the face, for this verse, out of all the others, was the one I got assigned. This was the reason why I missed the first two verses that were called. I read the verse over and over again, each time the voice of God becoming more clear in my ears.