Gentle Fearlessness

{I wrote this for a blog that I'm a writer for a few months ago. I felt called to put it here, too.}

I grew up most of my teenage life with acne blanketing my skin. As most have experienced or can at least imagine, this was a dictator of my self esteem for quite a while. You see, we’re told that this sinful world imprisons, and freedom is only obtained through a give from God. What we’re is not always explained is the sly and silent motion of that imprisoning process. Because of the make-up and Victoria Secret commercials, beauty became a box that one fits into with only a clear, stunning face.

I knew in my mind that our Creator only fabricates things of beauty and worth, but I searched for a way to know it in my heart. I wanted to harbor the truth of what made me beautiful in the eyes of God. I’m sure many of you have already had 1 Peter 3:3-5 come to mind. “Why didn’t she just read that verse and feel better?” That’s understandable, for it very clearly reads…

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

If you’re a sweet, gentle, quiet woman – you may have felt much comfort from this verse. However, if you’re like me, you’re sitting there thinking, “Great, now where’s the beauty verse for the loud, blunt women?” I spent years with these verses being something I paid attention to only half-heartedly, I finally decided I needed to go deeper. My heart is to share with you what Jesus has walked me through.

There are Three Pillars of Womanhood that I believe God is trying to paint for us. When we allow our essence to stand on those pillars, we are living out God’s original purpose for us, perfectly beautiful in His eyes.

1)      Hope – Holy women put all of their hope in the Lord. We are called to not rely on our husbands, finding a husband, our appearance, or our own strength. Most of the people that society are captivated by are those who have known struggle, known defeat, but have still found a way to be triumphant in battle. As women following Christ, that banner we raise as we walk to the front lines should be the truth and promises from Jesus Christ. Many times this needs to be a concentrated effort. Prayer, re-reading His Word, and being still in His presence are all beneficial when trying to lift that banner high. 

2)      Fearlessness – When we have hope rooted in the soil, fearlessness can then begin to grow within us. Proverbs 31:25 says this about a beautiful woman, “²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” This does not mean that she is under that impression that her life will lack hardships. She is not naive. In fact it implies that she aware in full that struggle is on the horizon; and yet all of her hope is deposited in Jesus, leaving her with nothing left to fear. Without fear entangling her in chains, she is free to go about her responsibilities, have confidence, and glorify God.

3)      Beauty – So often I thank Jesus for enjoying beauty. How much more lovely is it to serve someone who likes and creates beautiful things? I was humbled to realize that if He is the Creator of all we see, then beauty originates from who He is. He is beauty. He is light. He is art. He is color. We serve a God who makes everything of worth eternal. When He is passionate about something, He doesn’t hold back. He made our souls eternal, our relationship with Him eternal, and beauty eternal. Therefore, He adores beauty that won’t perish, more specifically, “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”. Oh how much more He cares about your heart than you outer appearance! (Praise God!) Here’s the good news for ladies like me! We don’t need to be quiet and flawless, but the workings of our heart, mind, and soul are to be at peace. Our stress and tendency to micromanage everything was created to be smoothed over with a gentle spirit. How is that spirit cultivated? Especially today with families, jobs, and confidence being eroded by this world? By putting our hope in the Lord, becoming fearless, and allowing that to shine through as our beauty. Make up and push up bras aren’t evil! But we give the enemy an upper hand when we allow those things to define our beauty. In reality, the airbrushed, magazine look is unattainable. However, we have a loving Savior who wants to unveil to us our strength, our beauty, and our specified function to reveal who He is to those around us.

Woman – who you are, and who I am – was the last thing He created when weaving this world together. He let His eyes meditate on all He had formed and said, “No, something is still missing. A different kind of strength than that of men, a fierceness, a peacefulness, a gentleness, a beauty is missing.” And then He fashioned something more beautiful than rolling hills, sunsets, and oceans – something to crown creation. That thing He created, was you. 

I Love that "New Journal" Smell

I apologize for the lengthy absence, but the last few months have been a whirlwind of a season for me. Not a bad season, but not one that I don't feel is appropriate to scribe publicly. I've been doing a lot of writing in my real paper-and-pen journal. So much in fact that I've recently needed to start another one! I love it when that happens.

My church (goodness, I love them) is being a church wide fast this Sunday. I feel a fire in my bones when I think of what's ahead! We are a church radical for God, and in turn He acts radically for us. My heart still feels raw to all the Lord did during the fast last year. Extraordinary things are going to happen to my church body, to my family, in personal relationships, and in me. I feel it, and I tremble at the thought.

Because of this fast, I feel this will be the beginning of a new season in my life. Writing about my spiritual "seasons" (which never are alined with weather or school seasons, mind you) isn't new here. And it's the reason why I'm writing now. I feel good, and excited, and ready to write! Praise Jesus, I'm back. (:

When Perky People are Pushing Their Luck

You may have noticed that I have been a bit quite here at the Life Song Journal. (Of course, people don't usually comment on my posts, so it's hard to tell how many have taken note on my absence. (; ) Now, I'm not usually quite. The only time I'm not sharing stories or speaking my mind is when I'm sad, mad, or feel out of place. The last month and a half, I've been feeling a mixture of all three of those emotions. I'm tired of feeling this way, though. I miss speaking and feeling secure about it.

I've never been good at "choosing joy" when something crummy is going on inside of me. I'm not wired that way. (You should see when my mom [whom I love dearly] tells me to "just choose joy!" while I'm PMSing and unhappy. She says it all perky like. It makes me want to hit something. I don't advise being around at such a moment.)

My lovely friend, Sary (whom I miss unbelievably), posted this on Facebook the other day: "Thoughts come before feelings which come before actions. Control your thoughts and you control your actions." At first I blew it off. I have heard something like this before. But three hours later, I felt nudged to write "T,F,A" (thoughts, feelings, actions) on my mirror.

Something I love about this is that, I'm still not choosing joy. Yes, I have a constant underlining joy, but I'm not faking being happy just because people like me better when I'm chipper. I'm controlling my thoughts, therefor how I live my life. And, let me tell you, today I've been living my life a lot happier.

Things that I controlled my thoughts, feelings and actions about, making my day brighter:

~Getting the dishes and math homework done before 10 AM this morning, ridding it of my Tuesday.

~Being almost done figuring out the chords to a song on the piano I'll be doing for Christmas.

~Getting very positive feedback from my cello teacher.

~Discovering I got a B+ on my social psychology test!

~When my God answered my prayers. (He'll answer yours, too.)

~Writing my public speaking speech in a few hours, getting it done two days before I needed to!

~Being drenched in rain.

~Learning about roses from a fellow classmate.

~Changing my negative thoughts about missing an important event to positive thoughts.

~Getting new music.

Things I'm looking forward to about Autumn:

-- the hues that will paint the trees

-- being able to wear my jeans and jacket without someone saying "Aren't you hot?!"

-- my homeschool co-op that's starting tomorrow

-- the cooler temperatures that make everything else cozy!

-- wearing my super, uber cute brown boots that are sitting patiently in my closet

-- the Fall Season/"Halloween" Party that occurs at my house

-- knowing that Thanksgiving is around the corner, one of my two favorite "holidays" (Easter being the other one.)

-- wearing really crazy socks (but under my long jeans, so it's a secret!) :D

-- laying in cool grass

-- the wind playing with my hair

-- my grandparents coming down from Michigan for Autumn/Winter/Spring time.

-- excitedly knowing that right when the excitement of Fall and Thanksgiving is over, the celebration of Jesus' birthday will begin.

Seven more days!

For My Friends of the Home-Making or Crafty Kind

There's a woman who makes music that I love, her name if JJ Heller. You may have heard of her.

Not only does she make music, she also keeps a blog that I'm border-line obsessed with. Lovely Little Things is a site where JJ Heller shares her always simple home decor and sewing tricks. A lot of the sewing pieces she posts are tutorials found online and for her babygirl Lucy (so it's all stinkin' adorable).

For my home-makers, craft-creators, and color-embracers: enjoy. (:

It's That Time of Year Again

Most of the days on my August calendar are sporting giant X's. There are Target bags of school supplies on the stairs. The parents are about to strangle us with all the TV that we've been watching. Every store commercial supports the phrase "back to school."

I found out after I left school, just how much I love it. I love the classroom atmosphere. I love adults passing on their wisdom. I love notebooks, and pens, and the intensity of vigorous note-taking. I'll be at the college three hours, four days a week this semester, and I'm stinkin' excited!

This also means, with school starting, Autumn is on its way! I forget how much I love Fall until it's around the corner. The leaves will change. Homework will be rushed to get done so that the scary movies on TV can be watched. The weather will cool nicely. I'll get to wear lovely Fall/Winter clothes (scarves, boots, jeans, and the occasional hat), which I favor far more than summer clothing. Thanksgiving will find our hearts and stomachs once again.

OK, I'm getting a tad ahead of myself -- but when you think about, just a tad.

It'll be lovely. I can't wait.

Burning Like the Sun

There's something quite significant about the sun. It's powerful, strong, and spirit-lifting. The mysterious, unapproachable air that it obtains brings it only more majesty, glorifying God in a way that inspires. It shines to the deep corners of the earth. The blessings that God has bestowed on us through the sun is many.

The Word holds many comparisons to the brightness of the sun. The verse I think of first is this:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

I see it a beautiful thing that God would compare our faithfulness to the warmth and power of the sun. Perhaps because when I imagine the sun I think of being enveloped in warmth, of the brightness and liveliness of Haiti, of positive hope, or promises, of a future.

Following God's will, I'm learning, feels a lot like standing in the sun: embraced, content, Spirit filled.