Guest Author for Proverbs 31 Ministries!

Today, I have the amazing opportunity to be the guest author on Proverb 31 Ministry's Lynn Cowell's blog and YOU have the exciting opportunity to win a free copy of my book Putting Fairy Tales to Shame! 

Lynn loves helping women grow into wise moms so that they can grow wiser daughters. This post I wrote on Lynn's blog is geared toward moms -- so don't miss it! Learn how to unveil the definition of Real Love to your daughter! 

Ready? Go here to check it out!

Waiting

Some Joplin jazz played while the AC's air made the room even colder than the chill that came from our conversation.  I crossed my legs, and took another sip of my carmel frappuccino; never letting my eyes revert from hers across the small circle table, as she let her soul spill from the deepest chambers within, out of her mouth, to me.

"I imagine a heart of glass being dropped onto a large mirror.  And after it shatters, and the pieces scatter, I see my reflection staring back tup at me.  It was my heart, and me who broke it.  The moment I believed him, I did the heart breaking myself."

Soaking it in, I sat straighter at the edge of my chair.  

She continued, "I settled, gave my heart to someone else because I was impatient.  I didn't wait.  Not for him."

The air shifted.  The AC turned off.  I was intrigued, "Who's that?"

"Him," she stated matter-a-factly, "The man who worships like David, is wise like Solomon, and brave like Jonathan.  The man who is obedient to God like Abraham and has faith like Joshua.  He who has Jesus as his closets friend, like Peter.  He who is willing to endure suffering to chase God and spread the gospel like Paul."

"I'm still waiting for him too..." I replied.  "I have found a man, however," I said as hope cast over her eyes, "who has given me flowers everyday -- along with fields, oceans, and sunrises.  I've found a man who deeply believes that I couldn't be more beautiful, and doesn't want to defile my purity.  I've found a man who died in following God wholeheartedly with bravery.  I've found a man stronger than anyone I have ever seen before, with a strength that cannot be beaten even by the grave.  I've found a man who has always loved me, and me alone, genuinely.  I've found a man who is relentlessly pursuing me, even while knowing the dark shadows of my heart.  I've found a man who has been waiting for me, ever so patiently and selflessly, since the day I was born; hoping with his whole being that I would one day fully love Him in return."

He's waiting for you too. 

Ladies, This is an Appeal

I think we're doing something wrong. Actually, I know we're doing a lot wrong. We know what we want, we know our way of getting it, and yet the execution of the plan doesn't unfold the way we had envisioned. We're not as high maintenance as people think! Our hearts aren't as complicated as made out to be. Hormones don't help our case, but I think we can agree that the needs of our hearts are few.

Here's the deal: We're walking around with broken hearts. And I know I'm not the only one who knows that it's not necessary and is avoidable. (I know, it sounds like some kind of female-code-blasphemy to imagine.)

We all know how much faster we mature than guys. We know. It's not a secret. And I find that as we follow Jesus and are in the Word, we slowly but surely learn what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like. And we want it. We want that husband that multiple authors of the Bible wrote about. So we look for that in the guys around us. This is where problems fly in like grenades, and with a rumbling explosion our hearts break. Now, I'm not picking on young men, they certainly make life... colorful. But they simply, for the most part, aren't where we are. (On the plus side, they kill bugs and are about 30% stronger than us.) Simply put, a lot of them aren't ready to want to be our Biblical hero husbands, and a lot of them simply don't have what we're searching for. YET. They're growing a few steps behind at this age. They catch up though, Jesus told me.

Now, here's the part you don't want to hear: We're growing still too. I resisted this for a while. I knew everything already, of course. But after we accept this, I find that so much more fulfillment and freedom will be found. The job of a guy's spiritual growth is in the hands of our God and their parents. We can't change em, ladies. And we're not supposed to. It's a humbling blessing if we do, but if we focused on planting ourselves in Christ and blossoming there, our hearts will be filled and comforted beyond the level any man could accomplish.

Trying to impress him with drugs, drinking, or sexual knowledge won't get him to love you forever. Experience in the sheets won't make him respect you more. If Cinderella could get her Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you. Swearing, listening to "cool" music, or taking him back after mistakes won't guarantee you a ring on that finger. If anything, you can count on them starting to talk to someone else after you give them all that at this point in their maturity.

So, what would this one stumbling but striving Christian teenage girl do? Keep your body in your clothes, and let some Scripture out. You'll weed out the losers from the winners in no time. Otherwise, it will be hard to do, and your heart will break more times than necessary. Most of us know guys are our weakness, and don't believe for a second that just because we're young Satan won't use that against, ya sister.

Unfortunately, Prince Charming doesn't ride up on a white horse when we sing enchantingly like in fairy tales. They're not that easy to find, especially today. But they're out there. When we follow Jesus, people who also want to live for Him, want a Godly relationship, and seek love forever will come into your life -- in God's perfect timing. And maybe, if you're lucky, one will even ride in on a white horse.

The Fruits # 4: Love

This afternoon, I took some time to read through letters I wrote six years ago to my husband. A lot of things ran through me as I read those letters. Some of them were funny, didn't make sense, or were beyond cheesy. But sometimes, I would be surprised by my ten year old self. I would read something that stopped me in my tracks and I would need to take a second and re-read it. I was evidently in love with this man that I still haven't met.

Little girls imagine their husbands as one man short of Jesus. Surely he will be handsome, strong, talented, romantic, a leader, 100% dependable, funny, and the bestest best pal. We imagine him with a glow around his body, jealously fighting thousands for our affection. There is no greater dream than to find him and have him fall in love with us, and to spend our days loving him back.

I realized today that those little starry-eyed girls turn into teenage girls. And suddenly our future husbands look different. Our hormones often lead to heartache, and heartache leads to the destruction of the picture of our perfect men and that perfect love. We lose faith in the man we've been waiting for, and to some the idea of living to love him is no longer our such an ambition.

What is love? People seem to be all over the place on this. Thankfully, our Father who thinks of everything wrote the answer as clear as day saying, "This is how we know know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us" (1 John 3:16). Basically, if you would lay down your life for someone, the odds are you love them. That should be how we determined such a thing. I'm a big believer in the saying "Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice". My professor last year tried to convince me that love wasn't real, but a blend of smells and chemical reactions. I'm no chemist, so I don't know much. But I do know that that feeling or reaction is what I like to call attraction, not love. I do know that that assumption on feelings is the reason why over half of U.S. marriages fail. I do know that I wouldn't be able to stay with a man for ever based off a happening of "chemical reactions".

For those girls wondering if love can be done, there's a second part to that verse I shared earlier, "And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (1John 3: 16). This is where I started to stumble. Because it's difficult. It's easy for me to say and honestly mean that I love someone, but acting like it is a challenge for me with my family and friends and fellow believers. What do we do that goes beyond what the 50% of Americans divorcees had done? We strive. We work. And we persist -- as Jesus did. We stop giving people pieces of our minds and more pieces of our hearts. We wake up every morning choosing to find ways to make each other feel loved. We have to love, it's a command -- so I vote we do it with stars in our eyes, just like when we were little girls.

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Noelle, age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

What No One Has Ever Told You About Sex

No one ever straight up told me that I shouldn't have sex. It's a conclusion that I drew up before I was even a teenager. At thirteen I started wearing a ring and told Jesus I was His alone until my wedding night. Because my decision for purity was done so early on in my life, at sixteen I was left wondering much. Why does God want us to wait for marriage to have sex? Why does sex make things everything complicated? Why does it hurt outside of marriage? Why does it inevitably emotionally connect people like it does? I wanted answers. And you might too.

I probably have family and friends shaking in their boots right now wondering what the heck Elisabeth is going publicly to say about sex. I bought a book the other day called "What are You Waiting For?: The one thing no one ever tells you about sex" by Dannah Gresh. While I am reading this book, I will come here to share my findings and share my excitment towards answers about sex - the real kind.

I often read that verse in Genesis, "Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant," and thought "Okay, he was SO NOT just laying there." In Dannah's research for her book, she whipped out her Hebrew dictionary and looked up the Hebrew word for sex. The word was yada. This is were things only START to get interesting. What's the Hebrew definition for yada?

Yada

verb. to know, to be known, to be deeply respected

It is also used in verses like these, not just in sex scenarios:

17 And the LORD said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know [yada] you by name.” Exodus 33:17

10 He says, “Be still, and know [yada] that I am God Psalm 46:10

Amazingly, I think the first part of the definition is for women, the second for men. Dannah shares, "Almost every female I've spoken to about this admits that she really isn't yearning for physical touch in her sexual encounters, but is seeking deep emotional caressing. " Women like when when men know them. Beyond what color their eyes are or their favoroite ice cream flavor. They long for something deeper.

"The latter definition of yada - respect - tends to resonate with men. They want to know they have what it takes to receive your admiration," states Gresh. Are you surprised that God would design something so perfect and filling for both the man and woman? I'm not, and I'm overjoyed. Yada is obviously not just a physical act, but something that transcends the physical. At least, that's what sex is supposed to be.

Due to our unfortunate sin, there is another Hebrew word for sex used throughout the Bible. Shakab. This is only used in the Bible when sex is abused, for example in Genesis 19:33 when Lot's daughter gets him drunk and.. "lays" with him. This is not yada. Shakab is defined as (paraphrased) "the exchange of bodily fluids". Yeah, this doesn't sound as fun to me, and it is most definitely not God's sex.

Within yada two people can have total trust, transparency, devotion, and respect. I don't know about you, but when I have sex that's the kind that I want. Why does sex intertwine souls like it does? Come back in exactly a week for some more answers. (:

A Waiting Groom

The groom stands waiting for his bride. His heart pounds against his chest, and he is sure that everyone else in the room can hear it. He is anxious, and his face a little blushed as his eyes fix on the door she is supposed to walk through. Then she appears. Any breath he had in him before was stolen away by one look upon her face. She was stunning to him, and he wanted nothing more in the world. He has offered up his love to her, for everyone to see, giving her everything he had. All the was left was to see if she would take that isle down to him, to a live of love with no end.

Jesus gave me his life and wants me and my love above all else. He is waiting for you and me with an anxious heart. I will choose Him day after day. Will you?

Beyond the "I Do"

I believe in arranged marriages. And I don't believe in marrying for love.

My Father picked a boy for me to marry before the day I was born. I had no say in the matter. I was to grow into a woman, and this boy into a man before He would tell us that we were created for each other. To this day my Father refuses to tell me about my future husband, but I'm alright with that. I have a lot to learn before my Father introduces us to each other.

So you see, I won't marry a man because I love him. I don't believe that marrying for love is a good idea at all. To be blunt, I think it's a stupid thing to do. When I marry a man, it will be because I hear God telling me too; it will be because I know that our marriage will impact the world; it will be because I know that coming together as one would bring God all sorts of glory.

I was driving to class today when Andrew Peterson's song “Dancing in the Minefields” came on the radio. I was lost in the beautiful words and acoustic strumming when a realization tugged at my heart: Some where along the way, we created the conclusion that marriage was supposed to resemble a fairy tale couple riding a white horse into the sunset. Now, I'm not and have never been married, but from what I've been taught, that's not what marriage looks like – no matter how nauseatingly romantic your relationship is.

Where in the Bible does it ever say that marriage was easy and was created to make us feel happy, secure, or good about ourselves? No where. This is because marriage isn't for us, it's for our God who loves perfectly. We get to receive a glimpse of how He loves us through marriages; we get the beauty of love in our lives; and we find a forever friend. But marriages are supposed to be used as a man and woman coming together to serve God in ways that they couldn't serve Him apart from each other.

Obviously love and marriage go hand in hand. 1John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Jesus' death for our sins was a love expressed through blood and tears and pain. Wow. Not exactly the heartwarming love we find in Disney movies. But you know, that's the only kind of love that I want. Even if I never meet a man who loves me like that, one man already has two thousand years ago, and still does to this day. That is why I praise my Father for arranging my marriage, why I will marry for more than love.