Waiting

Some Joplin jazz played while the AC's air made the room even colder than the chill that came from our conversation.  I crossed my legs, and took another sip of my carmel frappuccino; never letting my eyes revert from hers across the small circle table, as she let her soul spill from the deepest chambers within, out of her mouth, to me.

"I imagine a heart of glass being dropped onto a large mirror.  And after it shatters, and the pieces scatter, I see my reflection staring back tup at me.  It was my heart, and me who broke it.  The moment I believed him, I did the heart breaking myself."

Soaking it in, I sat straighter at the edge of my chair.  

She continued, "I settled, gave my heart to someone else because I was impatient.  I didn't wait.  Not for him."

The air shifted.  The AC turned off.  I was intrigued, "Who's that?"

"Him," she stated matter-a-factly, "The man who worships like David, is wise like Solomon, and brave like Jonathan.  The man who is obedient to God like Abraham and has faith like Joshua.  He who has Jesus as his closets friend, like Peter.  He who is willing to endure suffering to chase God and spread the gospel like Paul."

"I'm still waiting for him too..." I replied.  "I have found a man, however," I said as hope cast over her eyes, "who has given me flowers everyday -- along with fields, oceans, and sunrises.  I've found a man who deeply believes that I couldn't be more beautiful, and doesn't want to defile my purity.  I've found a man who died in following God wholeheartedly with bravery.  I've found a man stronger than anyone I have ever seen before, with a strength that cannot be beaten even by the grave.  I've found a man who has always loved me, and me alone, genuinely.  I've found a man who is relentlessly pursuing me, even while knowing the dark shadows of my heart.  I've found a man who has been waiting for me, ever so patiently and selflessly, since the day I was born; hoping with his whole being that I would one day fully love Him in return."

He's waiting for you too. 

Ladies, This is an Appeal

I think we're doing something wrong. Actually, I know we're doing a lot wrong. We know what we want, we know our way of getting it, and yet the execution of the plan doesn't unfold the way we had envisioned. We're not as high maintenance as people think! Our hearts aren't as complicated as made out to be. Hormones don't help our case, but I think we can agree that the needs of our hearts are few.

Here's the deal: We're walking around with broken hearts. And I know I'm not the only one who knows that it's not necessary and is avoidable. (I know, it sounds like some kind of female-code-blasphemy to imagine.)

We all know how much faster we mature than guys. We know. It's not a secret. And I find that as we follow Jesus and are in the Word, we slowly but surely learn what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like. And we want it. We want that husband that multiple authors of the Bible wrote about. So we look for that in the guys around us. This is where problems fly in like grenades, and with a rumbling explosion our hearts break. Now, I'm not picking on young men, they certainly make life... colorful. But they simply, for the most part, aren't where we are. (On the plus side, they kill bugs and are about 30% stronger than us.) Simply put, a lot of them aren't ready to want to be our Biblical hero husbands, and a lot of them simply don't have what we're searching for. YET. They're growing a few steps behind at this age. They catch up though, Jesus told me.

Now, here's the part you don't want to hear: We're growing still too. I resisted this for a while. I knew everything already, of course. But after we accept this, I find that so much more fulfillment and freedom will be found. The job of a guy's spiritual growth is in the hands of our God and their parents. We can't change em, ladies. And we're not supposed to. It's a humbling blessing if we do, but if we focused on planting ourselves in Christ and blossoming there, our hearts will be filled and comforted beyond the level any man could accomplish.

Trying to impress him with drugs, drinking, or sexual knowledge won't get him to love you forever. Experience in the sheets won't make him respect you more. If Cinderella could get her Prince Charming without taking her dress off, so can you. Swearing, listening to "cool" music, or taking him back after mistakes won't guarantee you a ring on that finger. If anything, you can count on them starting to talk to someone else after you give them all that at this point in their maturity.

So, what would this one stumbling but striving Christian teenage girl do? Keep your body in your clothes, and let some Scripture out. You'll weed out the losers from the winners in no time. Otherwise, it will be hard to do, and your heart will break more times than necessary. Most of us know guys are our weakness, and don't believe for a second that just because we're young Satan won't use that against, ya sister.

Unfortunately, Prince Charming doesn't ride up on a white horse when we sing enchantingly like in fairy tales. They're not that easy to find, especially today. But they're out there. When we follow Jesus, people who also want to live for Him, want a Godly relationship, and seek love forever will come into your life -- in God's perfect timing. And maybe, if you're lucky, one will even ride in on a white horse.

A Letter to Me

Today is my sixteenth birthday. I'm sure I wasn't the only seven year old girl who longed for this day, who longed to be a teenager -- not only so, but to be sixteen. Countless times I daydreamed and wondered what I would be like at sixteen; what I would wear, and like, and do.

Well, to fulfill my seven-year-old-self's wonderings, I would tell her this . . .

"When you're sixteen, you'll be deeply and irrevocably in love with Jesus. You'll have a fire in your bones to share God's word, and the Lord will open doors for you to do so. By the time you're sixteen, you will have already gone to Haiti many times, just like your Mom does.

At sixteen, you will love nothing more than weekly leading worship at your youth group. Even though you'll be bad at practicing, making music will bring you incomparable joy. You'll play the piano and cello, but will not have reached your guitar-playing dream yet.

When you're sixteen, you will appreciate your family like never before. The degree of how blessed you are to have them will warm your soul. You'll enjoy spending time with adult women more than teenagers. However, God will bless you with a handful of friends who will fill your life with laughter and adventures. And you'll have a wonderful, handsome, God-seeking boyfriend.

At sixteen, you'll still favor ladybugs, strawberries, and dresses that twirl when you spin. At times, you'll be too loud and clumsy. You'll whip out your attitude, much like you do at your age now. Thankfully for you, you're life will be filled with understanding and loving people.

And when you're sixteen, you'll know without a doubt that you will sing Jesus' praises for the rest of your life."

On Maintaining a Godly Relationship

I've been a writing fool lately. Evidently, I mean this in a private pen-and-journal way, seeing as on here I'v had little to say. I've decided, though, that I can't let the opinion of others hinder what I want to write here in public. With that, here we go...

Yesterday, I wrote an entry titled "Things to do to Maintain a Godly Relationship". I started out writing it in the hopes of if my sons and daughters one day were interested in having a Godly relationship, they could read it and have their 15 year-old mom talk to them, rather than the mom who yells at them to clean their room. This is something God's been speaking to me a lot about lately; it's something that He's continuing to teach me right now. The more I learn, the more I want to share. So here it is, take it or leave it. (:

~ Don't be a afraid to pray and worship God freely around each other. This is an issue that I know happens between teen Christians. I've faced the choice before, worrying for some reason that my being too bold would freak guys out. Honestly, the way I see it, there's nothing hotter than a guy completely in love with Jesus. And if the guy you're interested in is going to have Godly potential, he should evaluate you the same way.

~ Be true to you. God made you, and God made a partner for you who is going to love every little bit and thing about you. Therefore, don't act like someone you're not to impress a guy. Embrace all the little things that make you who you are, and let him fall fast and hard for the true you.

~ Sex. (Yes, I said the "S" word.) We all know the Bible says to abstain from sex until a couple is married, to remain pure. So where's the invisible line between pure and impure? The question isn't "how far can I go without having sex?". The real question should be "how far do I go before my thoughts become impure?". (Philippians 4:18) Bluntly put, if holding your girlfriend's hand leads you to picturing her naked, don't hold her hand. It's that simple.

Also, don't be afraid to act purely. Be proud that that you're obeying God, that you're waiting for your husband/wife, that you will one day share that perfect moment with your spouse. Virgins are sexy.

~ Grow in God together. Pray about each and every step in your relationship before you take it. Before each decision, each date, each promise. Constantly evaluate things, filtering it through God and His Word. Share with each other what God is doing in your heart and your life, even if it has nothing to do with your relationship. Encourage each other to do God's Will in their lives. Say His name, quote His word, there can't be too much Jesus -- especially in a teen romantic relationship. When you think you've referred to Jesus too many times, say His name again.

Chosen: A Girl's Midnight Monologue

I wrote this last August, but I'm feeling it's necessary again on this Autumn day.

Ironic, how being yourself is possibly the most difficult thing one can do. Being satisfied. Being proud. Feeling like you could possibly measure up. To expectations. To those around you.

How does one do it? Is it possible -- or even plausible -- to trust... in the breaking of a new day; to trust in a day of mindless prayers, old pajamas, classes, school, books, paper; a TV, a remote, sitting -- just sitting!; a camera, lens, the shutter sounds; the piano bellows, it sings with its keys, fingers dancing, the vioce straining. There's a smile, there's a fight, a laugh, then a tear. And the days repeat, overlap. An occasional "hello" is followed, always, with a "goodbye".

Is this was it means? To be lovely or beautiful or wonderful? I don't believe so. If it is, I want nothing to do with any of it.

How can you possibly compare with THAT? How will you even attempt?... I couldn't... I can't...

I can only be m--

Thats when you realize. Love... Love is so much bigger than yourself... It is not "in my heart." Love is out-of-body. It is not something you achieve alone, you're not made to! Love isn't because you were good enough, it's because you were chosen (for whatever reason). CHOSEN. You were the gorgeous Lily in a field of white Daisies. In other words, the child touched you and yelled "goose!" while all the other kids were sitting ducks. Love is as wildly untame as the stallions and as miraculously free as the birds. Don't capture it by giving it a labled box. Don't hold it, don't claim it, don't own it... Bask and grow in it, because Love picked you, after you caught its eye and captivated it with one thing: yourself.

Photo from weheartit.com

Beloved Childhood Friends

I am beginning to see my 13 year old self as a person outside of me. You know when you look back at a period in your life and think, "Man! Why was I so dumb back then?" -- well, I'm not going through that. At least, I'm not feeling that way about my 13 year old self now. I certainly had my embarrassing, naive moments, but I'm not looking down on the 13 year old me as I have while remembering the 10 year old me. Recently, however, I have been viewing the me that I was two years ago as someone who is no longer who I am today. Make sense?

In five months I'll be 16. Now, I'm not one to freak out about birthdays, but I'll reluctantly say that this is kind of a milestone, 16. All of this has led me to think more and more about the beginnings of my childhood and early teenage years. This is no reason to remind me that I am still extremely young, because I know that I am. I like being youthful. I am simply remembering, reminiscing, seeing that my life has been pretty grand.

I think of life in California, all the kids on the street riding around on our Razor scooters, playing make-believe games and getting into dramatic fights. My (now) heartwarming elementary school, learning with friends whom I laughed with endlessly, us scowling the mean staff members because we were just that cool.

Then we moved to Florida. I hated Florida. I cried deeply in the shower the night before my first day of school in the state. I also got a clump of shaving cream in my eye during that shower -- but that's irrelevant. It didn't help with the crying, though. But things changed, I got used to how things were. We finally found a church that Mom and I liked. I learned a lot there over the years. It was there where I met my best friend. Maybe moving to Florida wasn't that bad...

It's crazy scary how fast years fly by, and so sad how slow they pass. It's heartbreaking and beautiful. I guess the part of my hear that I'm trying to share is that I'm starting to view the 13 year old me as a girl whom I shared that year with the most intimately. The younger Elisabeths are some of the closest people in my life. I'm a little different than they are now, but we have gone through so much together. I'll finish off with saying this, 13 year old me is becoming more and more of a dear friend as each day passes.

(photos from weheartit.com)

The Essence of Beauty

It has been revealed to me that the beauty which this world seems to love is false, not only so, but fake. I've always hated it, because I could never amount to it, and I knew that I never would. My generation has grown up in a world where books, movies, TV shows, even people and their quick-to-judge hearts that we need to look a certain way, and if we didn't... well, then we are not beautiful. It's as simple as that. I'm sure mine isn't the first generation to suffer, and I only see it getting worse.

I have also always known that everything from God's hand is beautiful. It is His craft, His handiwork which has made the world and the bodies which we live in. It makes no sense to believe that He would not put His full talent and artistic touch to each child He makes.

And yet the constant reminder of “you're not good enough” infects the minds of my sisters, as well my own. Women, young and old, are tired. They are exhausted from trying to reach the impossible bar of pleasing the world and feeling dissatisfied in their own skin. Somewhere along the way, we were told that things like fat, cellulite, zits, wrinkles, pale skin, “imperfect” teeth make us without a doubt ugly. If we were just a little taller, or if that stretch mark wasn't there, then we would love ourselves, right? Wrong.

We see our imperfections as a pen mark on a white page and stare at it and hate it, ultimately in time hating ourselves. What I would be touched to see, is women embracing their bodies, loving themselves – because they were made by a God who loves madly, who weaved in an essence of beauty during their creation. I wish that this would give women a reason to dance and be glad. I firmly believe that at the center of every woman, there is beauty. It is alluring, it is powerful, it is captivating.

I was asked by my best friend the other day what I thought about the way I looked. I simply had no answer, because I didn't know! Not being allowed to factor the whole world into my opinion made the question hard to answer. The world had made me feel ugly for as long as I can remember, and it effected my life and relationships immensely.

After being so upset for years about my outer appearance, it is surreal for me to say that now I don't think that I look that bad. I do not think that I'm ugly. Not everyone in the world is going to think that I'm beautiful, therefore, to weight my own opinion of myself on that doesn't make sense, it's ridiculous really. But I'll admit that I've done it. I no longer have to be afraid of someone thinking that I'm ugly, because I know now that the only one who can say if I am beautiful or not is me. I am the only one with that power.

I promise that it is the same for you! Honestly, I wouldn't be sharing this vulnerable part of my heart with you all if beauty wasn't something that we all have in common. The only one who can tell you that you are not beautiful is you. You were wonderfully made by a God who looks at you and is proud of what He sees, a beautiful creature that He is honored to call His own and His accomplishment.

It is my challenge for you today, that if you are a women, not matter your age, who believes that you have imperfections on your outer appearance, to make a list of the things which you dislike about yourself. Look at each item on the list and ask yourself “does this part of me really out way my irreplaceable beauty?”.

Little brings me greater joy to see a woman embrace the unique beauty that she was bestowed by her Maker. I'm asking you to join me in showing this world what true beauty is. In doing so we are not only kicking Satan back in His place for tampering with our hearts, but we are displaying that image of God in which we were made, the image of beauty.

A Few Things Worth Saying

It's that time again, where so much is going on that my post somewhat take the format of a list. Here we go. (:

Megan left for Haiti yesterday for Leve Project stuff. They're going to look at buildings an properties. They're looking for the where that God wants for the project. Pray for them! I'm sure big things will happen!!

I got home from a study abroad program for college. My classmates and I went to Italy for ten days. It was quite the adventure! I contemplated doing a post for Italy all for itself, but honestly, I wouldn't know where to start! For those of you on facebook, there are a lot of pictures. For those of you who are not, you'll just have to take my word for it. (:

As of June 1, 2010, I am a driver! (during daylight hours and with a licensed driver over 21 years of age in the front seat.) My learner's permit is beautiful, guys. It makes me heart skip a beat every time I look at it... *sigh*

Until Next Time. (:

TLC for the Human Teenager

Those of you on facebook may have read this post already. It is one that I "tagged" all of the teenagers I know in. I wanted to post it here as well in hope that it may reach some troubled teenager on the public web...

Here is a post for those who are hurting from the growing pains of the teenage years. I would like to take the time to say that this is not a lecture. This is merely a journal entry I wrote that I wish to share with my friends, one that I hope will help them as it has helped me...
Very often lately many friends of mine (who shall all remain nameless), all teenagers, have expressed struggles or uncertainties to me. I can completely relate. I have growing pains as well. I feel urged by the Holy Spirit to share some things God has revealed to me.

Some of the growing pains my fellow teenagers have expressed are: struggling with school, beauty, confidence, friends, change, uncertainty in life, uncertainty in their relationship with God. All of these are completely understandable, reasonable, and fully respected. As much as I have tried to change it, I have found that these topics are unavoidable in being a teenager.

At this time in your life, you are trying to tangle through the life thrown at you, trying to figure things out. Things such as how you plan on spending the rest of your life, what kind of person you want to be, what your morals, beliefs and opinions are (not what other people want you to think – and hopefully not being swayed). It's hard to mold who you want to be all by yourself. But what you do and who you turn too (Jesus) can make a world of a difference. You don’t need any one who makes you feel bad about yourself in your life. Don’t feel like you need to adapt who you are to someone else to have a friend. I promise you now that you will always have Jesus and I.

Change. I'll admit right here and now that I don't like change. And unfortunately, I know dear ones who are wrestling with in currently. A friend of mine was telling me of how she was struggling with moving. She's starting high school next year, so you can say this change is hitting her hard. The only words I could find were these: "I'm sorry this is hard for you. But it will work out. When God doesn't give you a choice in life, its only because He's pushing you is a direction that is best for you, sweetheart. Just let go and let Him lead you." If God closes a door, leaving only one open (a door not looking too friendly), it's obviously the only path He wants for you. He's pushing you through it, only out of love. It can hurt, but the pain lessens once you accept His perfect Love and try to find the blessings He is so desperately trying to give you.

A LOT of teenagers I know are contelmplating what they want to do for a living when they get older. Is that what I believe a teenager's main focus should be? No. I know I'M trying to be a kid as long as possible. Although, it is a thought that burdens myself as well. But, I know exactly what you are created to do: live for God. I promise you, to worship and share His Love is the reason He puts air in your lungs. And it's something that you can begin to do RIGHT NOW. Also, in doing so, in keeping your heart fixed on Jesus' face, He will lead you through the wilderness and to where you are supposed to be in this world. Open a Bible, don't be afraid to tell someone of their inheritance to His Kindgom, and walk by faith. You will find a peace that passes understanding.

Now, onto another struggle of the human teenager: outer appearances. I know that how you see yourself is sometimes hard, and that we don’t always like what we see. However, that is how you were chosen to be made. God made you exactly how you are for a purpose. We all know that He does not make mistakes and that He wouldn’t chose to make you other than something He would find beautiful. Can there not be comfort found in that? The Lord made you, and He is prideful in His handiwork...
Maybe, just maybe it would help to stop comparing yourself to what this world (a world of sinners, mind you) has classified as “beautiful”. You are not any less beautiful because your hips and your chest aren’t the same size as Hannah Montana’s. You don’t need to wear the clothes that “everyone” is wearing to be gorgeous. Take a look at yourself, remembering that you were made by a Father who loves you irrevocably. Now, I want you to name at least 3 things that you love about yourself as a person and then 3 things that you love about your appearance. I know for some (you, God and I know who you are) it might be more difficult, but it’s a step I urge and challenge you to take.

I pray that if you are going through anything at all, this may help you through whatever you are going through. May God bless you and your teenage self!