Those Days

I want to be 16 forever. Even when I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists, willing for everything around me to stop, for some wild reason the world keeps spinning.

I was babysitting my cousins yesterday. It was raining. Naturally, I figured I’d turn on a movie for them. Suddenly, five year old Lucas yelled while running outside, “Let’s dance in the rain, Lizzie!” That’s what I want. I want to dance in the rain and not worry about the Earth that's rotating under me. I want to be free, have my hair wave behind me, and do nothing. I didn’t realize how much I missed being annoyed by wet blades of grass sticking to my feet.

I’m going to look at a college to finish my degree at next week. Not a big deal. Except, oh wait!, it’s in Georgia. GEORGIA. My home, my church, my friends, my life is in Florida. I’m praying that I’ll hate it when I get there. The scary thing is, I’m fairly certain I won’t. This college has “Elisabeth” written all over it. I have that feeling that Jesus is leading me there, that feeling that people beg for in their lives. Yeah, it’s tearing me to pieces.

Today, I’m in Michigan, on my grandparent’s farm in the one of the smallest of towns. It’s been my home since before I could walk. It’s the perfect time to be here, before I have to start thinking like an adult. This place has always accepted me as I am. Through all the houses and states and countries I’ve lived in, through all the stages of my life, God has blessed me so much through this place. My days have been filled with peace here. It’s been those reading-and-writing-for-pleasure-rather-than-for-a-professor days. Those having-time-to-give-myself-a-manicure-in-a-comfy-chair days. And those being-able-to-do-nothing-as-long-as-you’re-doing-it-with-family days.

It is here I see that Jesus is taking care of me. Even though I’ll inevitably be 17 in five short months, even though I’m (for some crazy reason) looking to live in the mountains of Georgia, He’s taking care of me.

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.

A Letter to Me

Today is my sixteenth birthday. I'm sure I wasn't the only seven year old girl who longed for this day, who longed to be a teenager -- not only so, but to be sixteen. Countless times I daydreamed and wondered what I would be like at sixteen; what I would wear, and like, and do.

Well, to fulfill my seven-year-old-self's wonderings, I would tell her this . . .

"When you're sixteen, you'll be deeply and irrevocably in love with Jesus. You'll have a fire in your bones to share God's word, and the Lord will open doors for you to do so. By the time you're sixteen, you will have already gone to Haiti many times, just like your Mom does.

At sixteen, you will love nothing more than weekly leading worship at your youth group. Even though you'll be bad at practicing, making music will bring you incomparable joy. You'll play the piano and cello, but will not have reached your guitar-playing dream yet.

When you're sixteen, you will appreciate your family like never before. The degree of how blessed you are to have them will warm your soul. You'll enjoy spending time with adult women more than teenagers. However, God will bless you with a handful of friends who will fill your life with laughter and adventures. And you'll have a wonderful, handsome, God-seeking boyfriend.

At sixteen, you'll still favor ladybugs, strawberries, and dresses that twirl when you spin. At times, you'll be too loud and clumsy. You'll whip out your attitude, much like you do at your age now. Thankfully for you, you're life will be filled with understanding and loving people.

And when you're sixteen, you'll know without a doubt that you will sing Jesus' praises for the rest of your life."

Wondering Where This Road Is Leading

My heart has been here lately:

With little hands and dirty cheeks. With loving babies and kids with amazing hearts. I've had a lot of dreams this week about being back in Haiti. Being home under that beautiful, beating sun.

I've also been thinking a lot about how Haiti is going to be factored in into my adult life. Honestly, I've been a bit torn...

I dream of a clean quaint house, smelling of candles and food (my doing), with a handful of kids who look and act perfect doing school work (this is a dream, of course).

However, when I don't dream, when I think, I think of a house surrounded by a cement wall, a couple big "trained" dogs walking around, beans and rice in bowls on the counter, and a hand-made broom propped next to a pile of swept up dirt. I think of roosters sounding, my neck sweating, and babies crying my name in an adorable accent. I think of Haiti. A live like this:

I'm a multi-sided person. Can I have one and not the other? Can I live my fifties-house-wife imaginary world and ignore the love I have for Haiti and its people? Can I live in Haiti and be ok with sacrificing the typical home-maker life?

Well... Last night, after feeling totally spent, I read this in my Bible: "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability." (2 Corinthians 8:3) I read it over and over and was totally in awe more and more each time. If you don't share my excitement, read it again until you do.

I continued reading and found this:

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that thought he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." (2 Corinthians 6:9) . . . "Our desire is not that other might be relieved while you are hard pressed, that there might be equality. At the the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what your need. Then there will be equality." (2 Corinthians 8: 13 & 14)

I love Haiti. Living there always sounded grand to me (mostly because I already know a lot of details to how living in Haiti is anything but "grand"). Only in two places have I ever been told that I was "in my element": after leading worship, and while I was in Haiti.

A lot can argue that it's too early to be thinking about this. But as long as I am being asked what I want to do with my life, I say it's perfectly justified. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, just that this is how I organize my heart. There is a lot to factor in, there's a lot of life to live first, and ultimately, I just want what God believes I'll be best placed. All I can really do right now is pray for that.

Beloved Childhood Friends

I am beginning to see my 13 year old self as a person outside of me. You know when you look back at a period in your life and think, "Man! Why was I so dumb back then?" -- well, I'm not going through that. At least, I'm not feeling that way about my 13 year old self now. I certainly had my embarrassing, naive moments, but I'm not looking down on the 13 year old me as I have while remembering the 10 year old me. Recently, however, I have been viewing the me that I was two years ago as someone who is no longer who I am today. Make sense?

In five months I'll be 16. Now, I'm not one to freak out about birthdays, but I'll reluctantly say that this is kind of a milestone, 16. All of this has led me to think more and more about the beginnings of my childhood and early teenage years. This is no reason to remind me that I am still extremely young, because I know that I am. I like being youthful. I am simply remembering, reminiscing, seeing that my life has been pretty grand.

I think of life in California, all the kids on the street riding around on our Razor scooters, playing make-believe games and getting into dramatic fights. My (now) heartwarming elementary school, learning with friends whom I laughed with endlessly, us scowling the mean staff members because we were just that cool.

Then we moved to Florida. I hated Florida. I cried deeply in the shower the night before my first day of school in the state. I also got a clump of shaving cream in my eye during that shower -- but that's irrelevant. It didn't help with the crying, though. But things changed, I got used to how things were. We finally found a church that Mom and I liked. I learned a lot there over the years. It was there where I met my best friend. Maybe moving to Florida wasn't that bad...

It's crazy scary how fast years fly by, and so sad how slow they pass. It's heartbreaking and beautiful. I guess the part of my hear that I'm trying to share is that I'm starting to view the 13 year old me as a girl whom I shared that year with the most intimately. The younger Elisabeths are some of the closest people in my life. I'm a little different than they are now, but we have gone through so much together. I'll finish off with saying this, 13 year old me is becoming more and more of a dear friend as each day passes.

(photos from weheartit.com)

Life Is Dreamy

I was driving on the back roads of Michigan yesterday when I came to the most joyful conclusion. I tried to think of all the ambitions I have had, wondering which ones haven't come alive in my life yet. I couldn't think of one. I realized that I am living every dream I've had, right now. Incredible? Yes. Impossible? Not at all.

I'm a worship leader, a dream that I never admitted (or fully understood) to having until it started coming true. In doing so, I'm serving God, a very big dream of mine, in a way that I feel is His will and part of the destiny that He has fabricated for me. I go to Haiti, a dream that will never be fully satisfied unless I reside there one day (who knows); however, the short term dream-come-true of going as often as I can is a blessing. I've always been safe, with a great family, and we all have been healthy. I found a nice, handsome boy awhile ago, a dream almost every girl has, making me a very lucky girl myself. I'm driving, which is surreal when thinking that 9 years ago this time in my life felt centuries away. I didn't have to go to high school, and I'm in college! My life is pretty much perfect. I can't believe the praise that is due to God, for Fathering me to where I am today, for opening doors and for shutting them; to Jesus for giving me a life to live and for providing me with ways to give back to Him.

I'm in Michigan right now, where my mama grew up, visiting my grandparents and my too-many-to-count large family. The Farm, my grandparent's house, is probably one of my most personal and favorite places. The house, the big red barn, the green hill, and endless fields of crops all enchant me. Early childhood memories live there, along with precious new ones that have been recently created.

I have learned that God usually brings me here to learn and to grow, He has since I've been 13 years old. On the way up here, I prayed that this wouldn't just be a vacation for me. I wanted to serve and work for Him while I was here, I wanted to come here for a purpose. That purpose, I have recently decided, is to sit and listen and learn and grow. Hopefully when I get back home I'll be ready to just go, and ignite, and serve.

Right now I hear about 30+ of my family members laughing around a camp fire, sharing their most embarrassing moments with each other.
Yes, I am most certainly living the dream.

Sometimes...

...life calls for a good look in the mirror.

(Unfortunately.)

Dreamer

It's been one of those days, when you feel the weight of an oncoming, pending change. All that can be done is to wait... hold your breath, and look within yourself for the ability to make the future of the path you're walking turn the way you want it to. This is when one looks back and appreciates the days previous, knowing that they are days that have been survived... those days are what made you who you are, and they got you to where you are today.

Unfortunately... for me, it's not easy to hold my breath for long, and I fear that I won't have to strength to keep my road from shaking.

The part I do like, however, about this worrisome fear is that it leads me to Jesus. Trusting is hard, but it's a worthy cause to pursue. I do like leaning on Him, no matter what my future will hold, whether it unfolds the way I want it to.

There's something great about walking with Jesus. Even though I can't control much, I know I can turn to Him when needed, and I don't have to walk anywhere alone. It's easier to rest a little more when remembering that a loving, all-knowing God is in charge of my future.

I don't believe in chasing your dreams; I believe that if you chase God, He will bring your dreams, and so much more, to you.

(photo from weheartit.com)

A Few Things Worth Saying

It's that time again, where so much is going on that my post somewhat take the format of a list. Here we go. (:

Megan left for Haiti yesterday for Leve Project stuff. They're going to look at buildings an properties. They're looking for the where that God wants for the project. Pray for them! I'm sure big things will happen!!

I got home from a study abroad program for college. My classmates and I went to Italy for ten days. It was quite the adventure! I contemplated doing a post for Italy all for itself, but honestly, I wouldn't know where to start! For those of you on facebook, there are a lot of pictures. For those of you who are not, you'll just have to take my word for it. (:

As of June 1, 2010, I am a driver! (during daylight hours and with a licensed driver over 21 years of age in the front seat.) My learner's permit is beautiful, guys. It makes me heart skip a beat every time I look at it... *sigh*

Until Next Time. (:

I believe...

...that my life is a fairy tale.

Does that mean my life is always "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows"? No. But what is a fairy tale without hard expeditions, villains, and dragons? I know every life has at least one of these in some form, otherwise you're probably not living. Do you think Belle loved her life when the Beast locked her father in a dungeon? I don't remember Cinderella singing songs when her step-mother and step-sisters tore her beautiful gown.

What makes a fairy tale, a fairy tale?

I am a feminine heart searching for myself through the happenings of everyday. I have battles to fight, hurtles to overcome, and dragons to slay. Although, like all the other princesses, like all the other humans, I can't do it alone. I don't have any dwarves or talking home decor to assist me, but I have loved ones who help me defeat the Evil One. I have forever dreamt of true love and a knight coming to save me. I have my castle, my treasures, great Love, and green open fields to run through. It is hard for me to see sometimes.. but all of it is there.

Actually, a lot of what makes our lives fairy tales is invisible.."for our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

Does that sound "normal"? What about Heaven and Hell?

Those fairy tale books have nothing on the Bible! For those of you who thought that your life is boring, I don't see how you could continue believing such a lie. Because that's what it is: a lie whispered into your heart by the Enemy. (An enemy, another element of a fairy tale.) He wants us to forget that Jesus has called us to live a life of adventure with Him.

The Bible speaks of matter of the heart, of battles, of adventures all the time! But today expressing our hearts and lovey dovey ballads are taboo. Hardships have become simply life's crap -- rather than opportunities to be the feminine Warrior or the brave-heart of a Knight. How often in everyday conversation do you hear of someone giving their son away to die and save the population of the world from their evilness so that they can someday live in a world of gold? Jesus even calls Himself a Prince, multiple times! God is a King! There is something that we have lost... And from it, God's people are overwhelmed by their troubles, or worse... they're bored.

In the deep wakes of overpowering, overwhelming life, I grow bored, I become frustrated, and my heart breaks. But it's in that time where I turn to the ultimate Book of fairy tales, to the most amazing King. I see in my life a fairy tale that becomes real. Everything I go through now is to get to my happy ending, my happily ever after. We all have adventures to live, and we're being called to live then with our Savior King, with our Prince of Peace, and with our Rescuer. We all have a happily ever after. Fighting the battle, slaying the dragons, weathering the adventure -- it's only half the fun.

"Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." ~C.S. Lewis

(photos from weheartit.com)

“There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.” ~ Elizabeth Lawrence

"Captivating"

For a while now a bunch of girls from church and I have been going through "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldregde ~ I'm sure a lot of you have heard of it. I loved it from its first words. It was love at first sight.

This art of a book unveils perfectly a woman's heart by bringing us back to when we were little girls with precious dreams and special desires. There is something within us that has been there all a long, something that is the reason why we do everything we do, something that makes us who we are. "She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to be the beauty to be unveiled. These are the secrets to the feminine heart." ~ Stasi

In this book, not only is the feminine heart unveiled as women see and feel, but as God has seen it from the beginning: as the "crown of creation," as the Stasi puts it. I know that personally, I hardly feel like I could be the crown of anything! But as this book unfolds, we see that feeling this way, as many women do, is from attacks of Satan. In scripture, in truth, we are told that woman was the last to be created. This is not because females are the least of these, but because this world was not fit, not complete without us. We are all made in God's image, women exhibiting to the world the parts of God which only women can, completing those features of God which are displayed by only men.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the lovely, comforting, and nurturing truths on these pages, but I want YOU to read it. I recommend it wholeheartedly for any female that can read. In fact, I'd even suggest men read it, for the sake of their sanity with women (which I'm sure they lose every now and then). I know I want to read the book John Eldredge wrote for males, Wild at Heart. It's grand seeing how wonderfully designed we all are to complete each other fully.

Dear Feminine Hearts, this is a book that your soul needs to one degree or another. You should read it, I have no doubt that you'll love it. It has changed my life, and continues to. Yes, I'm aware that sounds corny, but there's no other way to put it. I'm sure many of my future posts will come from lessons I receive from this book.

Your sister.

Spring Has Sprung!

Spring is indeed my favorite month. It's bright, warm, embracive, and rain continues to cleanse the Earth. Life springs during this season! In elementary school, I loved when my teachers would talk about mama animals giving birth to their new sweet babies. Spring is new. It's alive. It's a beginning.

Jesus sprung during this season, too. He cleansed us clean, brought new life, and now we can forever bask the light of salvation.

Today was the first day of beloved spring, making me a very happy girl. I will be praising God for this lovely season of newness, life, and redemption.

Newness..

Things are changing. Things are new. Not big things, but things. Most of these things are not extremely currently new, but new since the last time I wrote about the happenings of this song that is my life.

Because of these new things, I feel a desire to scribe here more regularly. I was contemplating daily updates.. but it's hard to believe that I'll be able to pull that off. Plus, not many people read (that I know of) Between Sundays.

We'll start with weekly posts, ok? Now seems like a good time to start.

My worship leading is going well. I feel like I'm serving weekly and it feels like another piece of my heart has been put into place. I'm growing in this leadership position. I can feel it. And for some reason they keep letting me take the mic. (:

I'm in college now, for those who didn't already know. This is my second semester. I love it. It's a wonderful feature of being homeschooled. Skipping [most] of high school is grand. My english class is enjoyable and easy for this lover of writing and literature. I just took my first test in geography and I'll let you all know how I'm liking that class after I get my grade back.

My best friend turned seventeen yesterday. No longer sixteen. He's old. (: He saw Josh Turner with his brother and ate a donut-hamburger (which, I heard was delicious). It was a good day for him.

I'm missing Haiti. A lot. The piece of my heart that lives there is calling for me. On wednesday I clean the house to raise money for traveling. I'm praying, praying, praying..

I'm reading a Karen Kingsbury book again. It's bringing me bliss to a splendid degree. Her books always brighten my day and, in a mysterious way, keeps my heart on the Lord. Shades of Blue, is the book's title. Maybe you should read it.

Megan's here. (: It's freaking cool. She's good roommate. Next week is my spring break from college, and we're going to have fun.

A new blog title is needed. I want some changes for the place of thoughts. If you have ideas, I'd love to hear 'em! (: I'll be thinking of titles while procrastinating, because that's what I do. procrastinate.

How was that? Boring? Fun? It'll get better, I promise. This is just the beginning... I'm stoked.

Captured

The other day while I was painting in an art studio, I was captured by a lovely woman using a purple pastel. It wasn't until she revealed to me her sketch that I knew of this. When I saw it, I was touched. No, she did not put into it a long period of time. No, at her artistic level this portrait was not a challenge. But to see the lines that make up who are on paper, through another pair of eyes is a touching affair.

I have been thinking a lot about lately who I am, and who I want to be. What I am holding in the picture is a paint pallette. I like that remarkably for I know I paint the story of my own life. Recently being out of school, homeschooling, going to college, and having new freedoms to my own choices are all large elements to my current need to ponder who I am.

What I love most about the portrait is that it is fully me. It has no limitations to the various aspects of life that makes me who I am.

The pallette is important, for I love art, in any and every way it may present itself.

But what if that shape for a pallette could also be viewed as a book. It is no secret that I love to read.

Maybe it's one of my journals that I love more than life itself, where I have penned my heart and poetry over and over.

Maybe it's a sheet of music, from which I might sing or press piano keys into song with a love that spills out of my soul.

Or maybe, just maybe it's a plane ticket to my beloved Haiti.

I also love that my face is hidden. It cannot be determined if I'm happy, sad, excited, laughing, crying, smiling, or enduring. I do all these things. The Elisabeth in purple pastel could be too.

BAPTIZED!!

JUNE 4th, 2008- I'm baptized!! It was the most amazing, most holy thing I have ever experienced. I have never felt so close to God ever in my life! I was shaking as Ms. Lisa (who was baptizing me) was helping me into the jacuzzi and as i was thinking of the singing angels watching us from Heaven, Satan's scream of fear, and the huge grin on God's face. When Ms. Lisa plunged me into the water, tears sprung. Have you ever cried under water? It seems to make you cry even harder. I could feel the Holy Spirit emerging from the water into my soul. And I can still feel it now, and I'll never forget the feeling. I was a new person when Lisa lifted me up out of the water, I saw the people around me and the world around me differently. I didn't know that I would feel physically different, I thought it was only spiritual. I was way off. "Welcome to the family", Lisa said as we squeezed each other tight. I didn't want to get out of the water, for the Holy Spirit was still in it. I could feel it. And I didn't want to leave it, I just wanted to soak in it. But when i reluctantly did get out I was greeted with more treasured "welcomes" and hugs and I will never forget any of them.

So yes, now I am walking closer with God, but Satan has stuck a target on my back. I am now a sign of strength which just tempts Satan even more. But if I stay in the Light of my Lord and Savior I will survive any arrow Satan throws at that me. Because Satan can send any form of temporary arrows into the Light, but he's too much of a coward to step into it. My soul is locked in eternity, and I can feel it. I learned so much that day, things that will make up my future and it ignites a fire in my bones that will never simmer down.

I'll post clearer pictures later. :)

Me, Myself and I

For Miss Cara Green:
i am: your sister under our god!!
i think: optimistically, for i know that god only lets things that will benefit us in the future happen, even if its hard to get through at the time
i know: my future is locked in eternity.
i want: little voices yelling "Leesabet, Lessabet" in their little Haitian accents
i have: more than i want
i wish: that my classmates listened when i gave an abortion speech the other day, and that they believed me when i said God made them for a reason & they can't be replaced
i hate: what?! god calls us to love all not hate... this is something i have not accomplished.
i miss: Haiti
i fear: roller coasters
i feel: smile-y :) and yes that is a word... as of now.
i hear: the Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammit CD playing (awesome CD by the way).
i smell: Mia's thick hair product (i just gave another attempt at her hair)
i crave: the smell of rice, beans, sweat, baby powder and burning trash (oh, the smells of Haiti). i crave Haiti's love and gratitude for god and their hope and optimism for the future
i search: god's will
i wonder: what His plan is for me and those around me
i regret: (the list is long).
i love: god, Haiti, chocolate, the rain, family, friends, my church and all it's awesome rockin' people!!
i ache: when others ache
i care: for many, and a lot of them don't know it
i always: want it to be Sunday, so i can go to church or Wednesday, so i can go to my youth group
i am not: "going green", sorry
i believe: i have a place in Heaven & that music should never be turned down!!
i dance: like I've never seen someone dance :(
i sing: in the car/ in the shower/ at church (its quite a scene)
i cry: when i see the stupid plane on the tarmac in Haiti, the one that is going to take me back to the US
i don't always: live as a christian should
i fight: until i win the battle... unless i get tired -or hungry! ;)
i write: when i have something on my mind... which is all the time
i never: want to leave church or our youth group
i listen: never, i'm a horrible listener unless i enjoy what people are talking about
i need: Jesus
i am happy about: what God has done for me, through me, and what He holds for me in the future

if you haven't played the game yet, it would please me abundantly (don't count on me saying that again) if you would.

The Weekend to its Fullest

Last weekend we did one of my favorite things on earth: BOATING!! I love it!! the rush, wind in your hair, and now i'm legally old enough to not wear a life-vest!! :) It was a busy, fun weekend, thats for sure.

We fished,

(Michelle, now you know you are not alone in the category of Crazy Hair)

Went to the circus,

Laid down with the dogs,And made memories:

So, we're on the boat & we're flying with the wind. my aunt Casey & i are the smart ones & sit at the nose of the boat. there for when the boat goes fast the nose rises. the water splashing towards you does not hit the noses of the boat because it is raised so you don't get wet. the ones sitting in the middle of the boat, however, turn out looking like... well... like this:Also, I mastered the art of Tying a Cherry Stem in a Knot in Your Mouth!!

Yeah, it was an amazing weekend!!

To Choose LIFE

there are 2 BIG reasons why i want to help others medically as a career. 1) i KNOW that it is what God wants, it is His Will. 2) i would get to contribute to the continuation of LIFE! how amazing?! i mean, to know that you were the person to let some one live longer, to be with their loved ones longer, to laugh more, to learn more, to walk by faith longer! not that i have accomplished that yet, but i want to.

last july at the clinic, i got to see a baby being born. it was live changing! as Lyndy (the baby) was approaching the earth, you could see God working. you could see, right in front of you, God creating another person to learn, follow, and teach His word. you could SEE God creating new life!!

i want to give the people of Haiti the medical help, who normally wouldn't have that option. this is the way He wants me to serve Him. by helping those in poverty extend their health.

i believe that life is God's, and ONLY God's. it is He who created it and if life is to end, then He is the ONLY one with the right to end it. (don't even get me start on abortions)!

(sorry this was kinda random, this whole topic has been floating around in my for a while now)