When I say "I am a Christian"

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I 'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

~~Carol Wimmer

Could be Worse, Could be Tanzania

I find my self in a very particular, and for me odd, spot lately where it is easy to say, "my life is messed up". Things I want, I can't have. Things I want to see happen, aren't happening. The burdens I want lifted - be it the burdens of my own or a loved one's, do not rise. I think things are bad, ruined - but really they are not! I only think that because the happenings as of late are inferior to what I want. The unfolding of my life now, at this second, my emotions and longings, its where God wants me and my life to be. That's how I take comfort. A little bit.

Psalm 33:11 ~ "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations". God, thank you for being the ever powerful and Sovereign Lord that you are. Thank you for embracing your children when they are lost and confused. Help us to remember that your hand is upon us, that you never abandon your faithful ones. Once again it is my prayer, as is forever, that you will make your Will clear to my eyes which are stained by the sin of the world. Please, grant me the smallest bit of understanding as you work your wonders and miracles in my life and in the lives intertwined with mine. Thank you. I love you. In your loving Name I pray. Amen.

I know that my days are not really bad, its just not what I want and that's stupid to let aggravate me. I have a good life. My family, my friends, and I are all healthy. I live in a great house, have easy access to food, ect. I listened to Alli Roger's song "Tanzania" and had a change of heart...

I need not sing, "Someday I will wake where the Earth is clean and safe; where my children have a place to play. Not here in Tanzania. And someday I will in a house that build by hands that hold the world".... I need not sing how its, "hard to be a mother, and its hard to be a woman, and its hard to live in Africa sometimes".

I've been to these places. I know Haiti. I have touched the hands that are attached a mourning and troubled soul. My soul is not worthy to be proclaimed as a soul that mourns compared to those who I am referring to now. I have a great life, full of things and people that I love and for some reason they love me in return.

Now, I move on through life, one foot in front of the other. I think of the Serenity Prayer, one of my favorite, "trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will". And that's where I find comfort, in my marvelously and eternally Sovereign God.

When I Leave...

I look back at my old posts, but they don't feel like mine. I read them like a different girl, a different soul wrote them. I laugh at all the ridiculous grammatical mistakes, I smile at all the memories, and I wish I could have them back.

Sometimes we get caught up in the seasons. Our eyes are shifted from Jesus' face, where we vowed to fix them. We make that vow when the season is easy, when everything is ok. Its funny how its when the season brings storms that we turn our hearts to Earthly things. We need to remember that we're living. This is when we make our moments, in this blink of an eye that we call life. "Your life is the song that you sing, and the whole wide world is listening" - Matthew West. How are others seeing you? What really matters: how is God seeing you? We can easily mess our days up, but our days are what sew together our lives.

Then I think of the moments I have left, what I want to say and do in those moments.

What I want the world to be like when I leave.

Whom will I have helped?

What live will I change?

How will they remember me?

Will they miss me when I'm gone?

Essentially, I wonder what God has planned for me before I leave. I don't know what the play-by-play of the rest of my life is. He does, though. That's exciting! He knows if or, which of my plans for life with unfold like I think they will, and he knows the ones that will simply not happen. Its an enormous relief to know that someone knows what will happen. I hate not knowing, but I'd rather have Him in control anyway.

What's even more amazing is that He knows how the events of my life, lived already or not, will weave my part to this world. Most of us have wondered, "How will they remember me?". I contemplate. I wonder. I ponder. I hope for amazing memories, filled with nothing but love that mirrors Jesus Christ's. But that will take some work. (:

This is my heart...

Am I too busy chasing a temporary fortune

That my priorities get lost along the road

The seasons bring their moments

They linger for an instant

They never wait for you to pay the debts you owe

When I leave I want to leave a memory filled with love

The kind you don't forget

When I go I want to be known

As one who lived with no regrets

If life is like a flower

Am I doing all that's in my power

To leave a fragrance behind

It's time to count my blessings

Forget about my savings account for a while

I want them to say

What a glorious day

She had so much to gain

But she gave it away

And I want them to see something different in me

And that I'm going to be free

Some glad morning when this life is over

I'll fly away

To a home on God's celestial shore

I'll fly away

When I leave I want to leave a memory...

~JJ Heller

Reckless Christian

-Romans 15:20- It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation.

I realize I have been missing in Blogland for while. I just haven't had anything to share or say. I wondered why that is. I came to the conclusion that I mostly post about my active love in Haiti or my active relationship with Christ. I haven't been to Haiti in a while.. so, does that mean that I haven't been so active in my Walk? I was determined to get to the bottom of this. I began to rummage through my old posts. I made it to last April to my Ambition post, and realized I haven't been taking my own advise. I haven't been ambitious. Therefore I have had nothing to say.

As Christians need to stand out. How will we get the message out to others? It will only be our own fault if no one discovers the Name of Jesus Christ. We need to be different – different in a noticeable way, or we will have no effect. Our generation needs to leave a mark or we are not bearing fruit so we cannot multiply as the Lord has asked of us. People need Christians – bold Christians to show them that there is hope and strength, but it only lies in the Hands of a True Savior. We need to get over ourselves, stop worrying if we will look like a fool if we say we love Jesus. Because, we are fools, but He loves us anyway. Christians need to be the hand reaching out to those in need, an imitation of Jesus’ hand. We “must go on loving and loving and giving and giving until it hurts – the way Jesus did. Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.” [Mother Teresa]

And what's worse... "the ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 3:9. In Matthew 10 Christ already gives us the ok to go and spread the word. He said GO! So, lets go and never stop.

We need to, first, die so we can live for and in Him. Second, breathe in His Word so we know what He wants us to do now that we're alive. And, three, be loud. We need to be reckless and then people will see we're different. Then people will see that there's hope in a Savior, and every one of us needs a Savior to get by in this world populated with sinners.

picture tagged - for angela

okay, angela tagged me for a game that has reached our end in blogland. here's how it goes: you go to your pictures, choose the fourth file, choose the fourth picture, post it, and then tell everyone about it.

this was the picture i found. its a picture of my cousin makenna. its an older picture, today she's two years old and a lot bigger. with her is her daddy and my uncle, scott. he pretty much looks the same. :) i'm pretty sure her mommy, his wife, my aunt kristen took the picture. this was one of those pictures that they sent to people over email to keep in touch with their lives and the beautiful life of makenna. the family just had a new addition to the family, makenna is a big sister now to baby ethan (none of us knew about him yet). i love all of 'em.

now i need to tag four more people - and yes, you have to participate:

hannah w.

baby judah g.

megan h.

cara b. and cara g. (i figure they share a name, they can share a tag right?)

have fun!

Lets be Wiser in this Election

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

Now it's time to visit heaven. So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean, heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."

Megan

Well, Megan shipped off to Haiti today, finally! Kidding. We loved having you Megan, and love you even more than we love having you.

She stayed for a little over a week.
I remember Wednesday, August 30th - excuse me, the 27th, I got in the car after school and Mom said we had a guest on her way over. I had absolutely no idea who it could be. When I heard it was Megan I was really really excited.
So I rushed in the door and cleaned my room. And before I knew it it was 9:30 and Megan walked in - completely consuming my room with her stuff, as she so bluntly put it.

Ah, yes. Long days of Angel House blog-making, Mac Photobooth, being soaked worse than Noah and his Ark on the front of the boat, Starbucks, Subway, the beach, farts and roses, 'enormous pressure' and 'horrible guesstimating', Fredric Frankenstein and werewolves.

I really loved sharing my room with you, Megan. It looks so empty now. :(

We love you, Megan. We're praying for you as God uses you in marvelous ways! You'll be amazing. Come back to us soon!!