Beyond the "I Do"

I believe in arranged marriages. And I don't believe in marrying for love.

My Father picked a boy for me to marry before the day I was born. I had no say in the matter. I was to grow into a woman, and this boy into a man before He would tell us that we were created for each other. To this day my Father refuses to tell me about my future husband, but I'm alright with that. I have a lot to learn before my Father introduces us to each other.

So you see, I won't marry a man because I love him. I don't believe that marrying for love is a good idea at all. To be blunt, I think it's a stupid thing to do. When I marry a man, it will be because I hear God telling me too; it will be because I know that our marriage will impact the world; it will be because I know that coming together as one would bring God all sorts of glory.

I was driving to class today when Andrew Peterson's song “Dancing in the Minefields” came on the radio. I was lost in the beautiful words and acoustic strumming when a realization tugged at my heart: Some where along the way, we created the conclusion that marriage was supposed to resemble a fairy tale couple riding a white horse into the sunset. Now, I'm not and have never been married, but from what I've been taught, that's not what marriage looks like – no matter how nauseatingly romantic your relationship is.

Where in the Bible does it ever say that marriage was easy and was created to make us feel happy, secure, or good about ourselves? No where. This is because marriage isn't for us, it's for our God who loves perfectly. We get to receive a glimpse of how He loves us through marriages; we get the beauty of love in our lives; and we find a forever friend. But marriages are supposed to be used as a man and woman coming together to serve God in ways that they couldn't serve Him apart from each other.

Obviously love and marriage go hand in hand. 1John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Jesus' death for our sins was a love expressed through blood and tears and pain. Wow. Not exactly the heartwarming love we find in Disney movies. But you know, that's the only kind of love that I want. Even if I never meet a man who loves me like that, one man already has two thousand years ago, and still does to this day. That is why I praise my Father for arranging my marriage, why I will marry for more than love.

With Everything

Open our hearts,

To see the things

That make Your heart cry,

To be the church

The You would desire.

Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,

And all the walls

We've built up inside,

Our earthly crowns

And all our desires,

We lay at Your feet.

So let hope rise,

And darkness tremble

In Your holy light,

And every eye will see

Jesus, our God,

Great and mighty to be praised.

God of all days,

Glorious in all of Your ways.

Your majesty, the wonder and grace,

In the light of Your name.

With everything,

With everything,

We will shout for your glory.

With everything,

With everything,

We will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry

Be glorified,

Be lifted high,

Above all names.

For You our King,

With everything,

We will shout forth your praise.

Wait . . . It's only Day 3?

Our church-wide fast began last Sunday, and seeing as I'm still raking through my own thoughts, I'm finding it much easier to steal the thoughts and learning of others for the time being. Pastor Jeff of the sensational Lifecoast church wrote this today on his blog. I found it inspiring and thinks that maybe you will too!

On Monday I happened to run into a Lifecoaster and she asked me a question about her fast. She said, “Pastor Jeff, my husband asked me if I wanted a milk shake. I reminded him that I was fasting.” He responded by saying, “Well you are fasting from food. This is a drink. Can’t you have a drink?” She then looked at me with a very puzzled look on her face and said, “I told him No thank you – Did I do the right thing? Or was it o.k. for me to have the milk shake?” I simply said this, “Your fast is a personal thing between you and The Holy Spirit. What did the Holy Spirit tell you about the milk shake?” She smiled and told me that she didn’t feel right in her spirit about drinking a milk shake. I told her, “Then you did the right thing.”

God immediately nudged my spirit as if to say, “Remember this – It’s important!” So perhaps we need to look at this fast in a way that we never have before. It’s not just about the sacrifice we are willing to make. It’s not just about the three or four more times a day we might set aside to communicate with God in prayer. It’s not just about giving our mind and our body a break from whatever it is we are fasting from. Maybe, just maybe, it’s more about learning to seek God in our decision making. We begin with the foods we eat only because those are some of the most frequent decisions we make each day. Maybe God has instructed us to fast on a regular basis to bring us back to the basic function of listening to The Holy Spirit regularly, for every decision. Food is just a good training ground. A training ground of tuning our Spiritual ears into the voice of the Savior. A training ground for listening to what He has to say each time we need to make a decision. A training ground for learning to recognize His voice moment by moment. Then, and only then, can we fulfill what we are commanded to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Pray continually.

1 John 1:7 … if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

P.S. pay no attention to that picture of the milk shake. =)

Something that also hit home with me this morning was something that fellow Lifecoaster, Cheryl posted on our "Awakening 21 Day Fast" Facebook page. She said this:

"If you are under any kind of "attack" today- remember that it is because you bring honor and glory to the Lord in choosing to be obedient, forgiving, gracious and loving. The enemy knows it and feels threatened. Stay strong , family.. we are on the right track!!!!!"

Oh, I love my church family. (: And my God who isn't finished with me yet.

A Letter to Me

Today is my sixteenth birthday. I'm sure I wasn't the only seven year old girl who longed for this day, who longed to be a teenager -- not only so, but to be sixteen. Countless times I daydreamed and wondered what I would be like at sixteen; what I would wear, and like, and do.

Well, to fulfill my seven-year-old-self's wonderings, I would tell her this . . .

"When you're sixteen, you'll be deeply and irrevocably in love with Jesus. You'll have a fire in your bones to share God's word, and the Lord will open doors for you to do so. By the time you're sixteen, you will have already gone to Haiti many times, just like your Mom does.

At sixteen, you will love nothing more than weekly leading worship at your youth group. Even though you'll be bad at practicing, making music will bring you incomparable joy. You'll play the piano and cello, but will not have reached your guitar-playing dream yet.

When you're sixteen, you will appreciate your family like never before. The degree of how blessed you are to have them will warm your soul. You'll enjoy spending time with adult women more than teenagers. However, God will bless you with a handful of friends who will fill your life with laughter and adventures. And you'll have a wonderful, handsome, God-seeking boyfriend.

At sixteen, you'll still favor ladybugs, strawberries, and dresses that twirl when you spin. At times, you'll be too loud and clumsy. You'll whip out your attitude, much like you do at your age now. Thankfully for you, you're life will be filled with understanding and loving people.

And when you're sixteen, you'll know without a doubt that you will sing Jesus' praises for the rest of your life."

Where a Little Love is, Great Forgiveness Will Be

God re-taught to me a lesson of His forgiveness. His lesson unfolded in a way that I have never experienced before... I was recently given the opportunity either forgive or not forgive a friend. It was a rather new cross road to stand at for me. It was new, because in this case my friend didn't do anything to me or take nor give anything that was mine. This time, forgiveness didn't exactly mean I was okay with an offense done against me.

For me in the last few months, forgiveness meant that . . .

Our friendship was more to me than past choices.

Our friendship was worth more to me than "better" past preconceptions that I had created.

Our friendship needed to be put above my pride, because I'm not above my own sin.

This was difficult, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't just decide to forgive flippantly like I did to the woman who ran into me at the grocery store this morning.

God didn't like this. So during a church service in which handful of us shared our testimony of previous sin, He broke down the walls. He whispered to me how He forgave me of what I did to break His heart. He touched me with memories of what I have done that fractured our relationship. And in tears, I felt His embrace full of love and all of what love really means.

At that moment, I knew.

I knew that I had been molded, stretched like clay. I knew that I wanted to choose forgiveness. Because there's not a feeling quite like it to be able to say: "Even though now I know what you did, I've never cared for you more."

I Love that "New Journal" Smell

I apologize for the lengthy absence, but the last few months have been a whirlwind of a season for me. Not a bad season, but not one that I don't feel is appropriate to scribe publicly. I've been doing a lot of writing in my real paper-and-pen journal. So much in fact that I've recently needed to start another one! I love it when that happens.

My church (goodness, I love them) is being a church wide fast this Sunday. I feel a fire in my bones when I think of what's ahead! We are a church radical for God, and in turn He acts radically for us. My heart still feels raw to all the Lord did during the fast last year. Extraordinary things are going to happen to my church body, to my family, in personal relationships, and in me. I feel it, and I tremble at the thought.

Because of this fast, I feel this will be the beginning of a new season in my life. Writing about my spiritual "seasons" (which never are alined with weather or school seasons, mind you) isn't new here. And it's the reason why I'm writing now. I feel good, and excited, and ready to write! Praise Jesus, I'm back. (: