its been kind of hard for me the last couple of days. As this season unfolds more and more, i realize that the chance for me to see your beautiful children again is diminishing. Which breaks me inside. i miss them all so much and wish to meet the handful of kids who i didn't get a chance to meet last July. i really do love your children. i really do long to see them. but the worst part is that my sadness hits me in overwhelming amounts at the most random times. i don't care how i get there, i can sit among the bagage in the plane for all i care! i miss my "peeps", cousins, friends, my twin, and my baby boy, Reece.Lord,
please make it clear when You want me to return to Haiti. i don't understand why You would bring me there, let me fall in love with that place and bring me home to mourn over my miss for it. why do You want me here, in the States? why here? what good do i have to offer here? why not put me in the place i love the most, and get the most love, and were i am happiest? i don't understand. yes, i want more than anything to be in Your Will, and i want to walk by Faith. But why is Your will for me here? and why aren't the streets of Haiti my Faith Walk? i thank you for all that You have given me here but why don't You give me Haiti now, which is the only thing i ask of You? In your mysterious but loving name i pray, Amen.
15 comments:
i have not even been involved with Three Angels very long, but i too have the desire just to be there...to be with those, to be in Haiti. I can imagine though, your connection and involvement with TA's makes the burning desire all the more deeper!
praying for you- that the opportunity for you to go would arise, SOON. and that while you are here (er...there), while you are waiting...God will show you why you are in the States. it's easy to get caught up wishing you were there, but be sure not to miss what God has for you here! i have not even meet you, but i KNOW you are an awesome reflection of Christ...God can use that in the States just as He uses you in Haiti!!
(love that picture of you and Reece by the way)
Hey Lizzie, I'll tell you a little secret of mine... I'm so scared to go to Haiti. Not because of safety reasons or that it is a 3rd world country, but because I know that like you, I will fall head over heels in love with Haiti. I can already feel it in my bones:) I know coming home will be hard and that returning to my "average American life" will be even harder. I believe this "holy discontent" with our lives here in America is a gift from God. No one should settle for the way we live here... knowing there are others that suffer elsewhere. It's in that holy discontent that our lives become refined and we start to live "not of this world". I spent the majority of my high school years longing to hit the mission field. God gave me that longing, but He also gave me some very important formative years to learn and train and prepare for the adventure that would lay ahead of me. I wish that I had taken more of an opportunity to learn the things that He wanted me to learn back then. Paul says that we need to learn to be content in all situations... whether that be in a 3rd world country like Haiti or the suburbs of America. It's hard, I know, but He is preparing you for a great adventure that will take you where your heart desires. In the meantime, if you can take your passionate heart for serving Christ and light that same fire in your peers... just imagine what the world might be like in the future! I get chills just thinking about it!
thank you megan!! that really means a lot! i'm praying for you too!
Cara, you have no idea how much you have impacted me as a Christian! i will begin to be content with what God has given me, even if i have MORE than i want. :) i am praying for you as you venture into Haiti. it is a difficult journey but most of the difficulty is good! you will also have God with you every moment all day! i am praying for you! really praying for you, because i am aware of what you are about to step into. but this is His plan, and i love that you are stepping out of your comfort zone. therefore only good can be the outcome of this! i am praying for you, your husband, Rebecca, and even Ella and Anna during this time.
Praying for the Lord to speak to your heart.
You are such a blessing. I hope that my daughter grows up to be like you!!! Keep pressing on. I myself know how hard it is when you are wanting to hear from the Lord so badly...and he says "wait on me." We know that he places desires in our hearts, but in the natural things just aren't happening. Remember, his will is perfect. You will continue to be in my prayes!!!
He can handle your questions Lizzie. He knows the desires of your heart because he placed them there. He is using this time to build perseverence, and character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5). Rejoicing during these times is a lesson that is very hard to learn. I like to repeat this Psalm when I am in these places in my life (Psalm 42:11): ...put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
O Lizzie. The words that you wrote are so close to the way I feel. I know that God has called me to be a missionary to Haiti and Three A's and I cannot wait for the day I can call it home. I long to be able to do what God has called me to do. Its so crazy how and when the emotions of missing the children and the country come to you. The littlest things can trigger those emotions. I will pray that God gives you the same patience and strength as he does me. Someday there will be a time for both of us when we don't have to wait anymore. Haiti can be home and God's will can be done.
Love in CHrist, Bethany
thank you!!
Brandy- that is one of the best compliments i have ever heard!! all your words have helped me and will continue to help me when i have these hard moments agin.
Angela- THANK YOU! i LOVE having verses to read over and over again! it really helps me! i've read them over 100 times!
Bethany- its nice knowing i'm not alone! thank you!
Thinking of you today and praying that you are doing well...I am still praying for you!! The Lord has such big plans for your life!!!
Lizzie:
I read your comment on Colleen's blog and I cannot believe that you are only going to be 13!!! I was shocked. You are a very mature young lady!!
Praying that you will get to go with Colleen!
Hugs
Karla
THANK YOU SOO MUCH, Karla!!!!
Hey Lizzie,
I just wanted to say that I am leaving tomorrow for Haiti and am so very grateful to you for your prayers! You are in mine, as well!
Love, Cara
I feel completely the same way about the Dominican.... I wasn't there for long, but the emotions are the same. I am going back in July though...
Nikki
http://heroholiday07.blogspot.com
I am so excited that you contacted me- I have been reading your blog since I got your email and your experiences are amazing. I love reading the blogs of other people who really understand what it is to love kids in another country and who feel that constant need to go back and be with them. None of my friends (and especially my family) get it and roll their eyes whenever I bring it up!! I am going back to reading... :)
Nikki
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