Wondering Where This Road Is Leading

My heart has been here lately:

With little hands and dirty cheeks. With loving babies and kids with amazing hearts. I've had a lot of dreams this week about being back in Haiti. Being home under that beautiful, beating sun.

I've also been thinking a lot about how Haiti is going to be factored in into my adult life. Honestly, I've been a bit torn...

I dream of a clean quaint house, smelling of candles and food (my doing), with a handful of kids who look and act perfect doing school work (this is a dream, of course).

However, when I don't dream, when I think, I think of a house surrounded by a cement wall, a couple big "trained" dogs walking around, beans and rice in bowls on the counter, and a hand-made broom propped next to a pile of swept up dirt. I think of roosters sounding, my neck sweating, and babies crying my name in an adorable accent. I think of Haiti. A live like this:

I'm a multi-sided person. Can I have one and not the other? Can I live my fifties-house-wife imaginary world and ignore the love I have for Haiti and its people? Can I live in Haiti and be ok with sacrificing the typical home-maker life?

Well... Last night, after feeling totally spent, I read this in my Bible: "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability." (2 Corinthians 8:3) I read it over and over and was totally in awe more and more each time. If you don't share my excitement, read it again until you do.

I continued reading and found this:

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that thought he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." (2 Corinthians 6:9) . . . "Our desire is not that other might be relieved while you are hard pressed, that there might be equality. At the the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what your need. Then there will be equality." (2 Corinthians 8: 13 & 14)

I love Haiti. Living there always sounded grand to me (mostly because I already know a lot of details to how living in Haiti is anything but "grand"). Only in two places have I ever been told that I was "in my element": after leading worship, and while I was in Haiti.

A lot can argue that it's too early to be thinking about this. But as long as I am being asked what I want to do with my life, I say it's perfectly justified. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, just that this is how I organize my heart. There is a lot to factor in, there's a lot of life to live first, and ultimately, I just want what God believes I'll be best placed. All I can really do right now is pray for that.