My Heart in Words

The Lord exposes to my heart His works through seasons. For the past three years, every March, due to lease agreements and the Will of God, my family and I move to a new house and attempt once again to transform it into a home. God saw it fit (for some reason) to continue the pattern again this year, this March. Now. I see how each house in the past years have brought me new growth. I see the lessons that come from each season and in return I harbor mixed feelings....

~I think of the good times and miss them so much it hurts. Then again, what good would it do to relive them? They have been lived, they are done, they are perfect, they are beautiful memories. All I do now is hold on to them, but seeing as that is all I can do anyway, it does more than suffice. So, I just smile.

~I think of the embarrassing times and wish I could redo them. Then again, I would have not gained the wisdom and knowledge that I received while reaching my hand to Jesus' loving out-stretched arm. I would not be the young lady that I am today. So, I bask in my life experiences.

~I think of all the hardships and burdens and cry out to the Lord, asking why He would do that to me, why He would change things when they were just perfect. Then again, I realize all the strength I have gained and how it just creates intimacy between Him and I. So, I feel safe.

~I think of the unknown that lies ahead and I'm afraid. Then again, I know that whatever happens I have a God who loves me unconditionally and irrevocably. Everything He does in my life is out of love for me. I have friends and family who will be there and helping me, even if I don't admit to it all of the time and they have no idea. So, I see brightness.

I am extremely excited to leave in this house the bad and troubling memories (though taking the lessons gained) and bring the good memories with me. I hope that this "newness" I am about to leap into will only bring healing.

As I'm sure many of you can relate, the changing of seasons and motions can be vicious and at times cause physical pain to the soul. I don't want to move again. But I am. We can't always control the seasons, but that's most likely a good thing. I have been relying on God's sovereignty. Although that's really all I have to rely on anyway.

My first house in Florida brought me pure growth as far as nearing myself to Jesus.

My second house in Florida (the one I am currently moving out of), however brought multiple life lessons. There was a lesson on Redemption, where I lived in my Bible and prayed constantly, I felt as if my mind as almost one with His as my Father took me back. There was a lesson on Thanksgiving, where the world felt perfect and I knew that He deserved never-ending praise because of it. There was a lesson on Patients, where I had to learn to live life happy and to the fullest as I waited for what I wanted. Then came the most brutal: my lesson on Dependence, here I had to learn to depend solely on Him while He moved some things around in my life. Now, my final lesson from this house, would have to be Acceptance. I think now, while writing this post, I have finally accepted the happenings of my life. I am bringing back optimism.

I am amazed at how much better I feel after letting go of my thoughts. I thank you sincerely for listening to them, as a real friend would.... I love the God who I can trust in and fully believe that everything will be ok.

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." - Gail Sheehy