When I Leave...

I look back at my old posts, but they don't feel like mine. I read them like a different girl, a different soul wrote them. I laugh at all the ridiculous grammatical mistakes, I smile at all the memories, and I wish I could have them back.

Sometimes we get caught up in the seasons. Our eyes are shifted from Jesus' face, where we vowed to fix them. We make that vow when the season is easy, when everything is ok. Its funny how its when the season brings storms that we turn our hearts to Earthly things. We need to remember that we're living. This is when we make our moments, in this blink of an eye that we call life. "Your life is the song that you sing, and the whole wide world is listening" - Matthew West. How are others seeing you? What really matters: how is God seeing you? We can easily mess our days up, but our days are what sew together our lives.

Then I think of the moments I have left, what I want to say and do in those moments.

What I want the world to be like when I leave.

Whom will I have helped?

What live will I change?

How will they remember me?

Will they miss me when I'm gone?

Essentially, I wonder what God has planned for me before I leave. I don't know what the play-by-play of the rest of my life is. He does, though. That's exciting! He knows if or, which of my plans for life with unfold like I think they will, and he knows the ones that will simply not happen. Its an enormous relief to know that someone knows what will happen. I hate not knowing, but I'd rather have Him in control anyway.

What's even more amazing is that He knows how the events of my life, lived already or not, will weave my part to this world. Most of us have wondered, "How will they remember me?". I contemplate. I wonder. I ponder. I hope for amazing memories, filled with nothing but love that mirrors Jesus Christ's. But that will take some work. (:

This is my heart...

Am I too busy chasing a temporary fortune

That my priorities get lost along the road

The seasons bring their moments

They linger for an instant

They never wait for you to pay the debts you owe

When I leave I want to leave a memory filled with love

The kind you don't forget

When I go I want to be known

As one who lived with no regrets

If life is like a flower

Am I doing all that's in my power

To leave a fragrance behind

It's time to count my blessings

Forget about my savings account for a while

I want them to say

What a glorious day

She had so much to gain

But she gave it away

And I want them to see something different in me

And that I'm going to be free

Some glad morning when this life is over

I'll fly away

To a home on God's celestial shore

I'll fly away

When I leave I want to leave a memory...

~JJ Heller