To Stop Singing & Start Worshiping

For those of you who are unaware: I am a youth worship band's lead vocalist & pianist. We play on Thursday nights to open of our youth group (and we rock). Always being attracted to the idea of being a worship leader, I enjoy it immensely.

There's this unbelievable "click" I have with God through music. It's indescribable, something you just have to feel. Last night, however, my leadership skills held none of that said "click." I suppose I had become to used to it. I had counted on the set and worship time to just fall into place as it usually and miraculously does. Last night, it just.. fell.

Most of the band couldn't play due to instrumental issues, so it was just the acoustic guitar, my keys, and my voice. The first song I lead was disastrous. I lead it out of order, couldn't see were my left fingers where playing because of where the mic stand was, which lead to a panic-overload in my brain and I lost where I was as far as playing the right chords. It was horrific. I remember describing it as my "personal hell." Finally the song ended, and not on a good note. Literally.

Thankfully, in the next song, all I had to do was sing. It was a song I know very well and have lead before. I was more than happy to have a break from the keyboard for once. As Travis strummed his guitar behind me, I sang. And that's when I decided that it was just for God. I instantly gave up on the people facing me. Hoping that, instead of noticing that I was a good musician (which I didn't give much evidence for that night), they could see that I wanted to be a worshipper and nothing else. I pray that they could have seen that, and chose to worship the Lord as well.

So, I sang, and I sang, and I sang. Closing my eyes for most of the song, I declared the lyrics to the Lord. I'm not saying that I lead the song well, for I honestly don't know. I wasn't paying any attention to that at the moment. The song ended and I walked off the stage, still embarrassed, but knowing that in the end I choose to worship rather than to sing.

I walked to the back of the room, not even wanting to see the reaction of the 40 teenagers. That's when Mr. Tom, a great man of God who was going to preach to us that night, walked up to me and placed a firm grip on my arm. He told me of how great I was, how much guts it too to lead worship, how proud he was of me. I was grateful for his words, but it was what I saw in his eyes that made me fight back tears. I have heard those words before. Honestly, I expected one of the adults there to tell me such that and I still find it hard to agree. But Mr. Tom's eyes held the fierce, powerful kind of sweetness. It was all I could do to not cry. In my lowliness, desperation and gratitude, I embraced him and thanked him. He doesn't know how much his words helped me.

I proceed my evening by slouching into a folding chair in the back, next to a kid I didn't know well to listen to Mr. Tom speak the Truth. He spoke about giving to someone in such a way to not persuade that person to give you something in return, but to persuade them to give to SOMEONE ELSE because of your actions. Then he asked the frightening question...

"WHAT ARE YOU GIVING COMPLETELY TO GOD RIGHT NOW?"

I had to think for a few minutes about how that applied to me personally. Then I thought that that most active answer would be: through leading worship. That's the Holy Spirit unraveled the rending I was doing to my own soul and laid it out for me in my head...

I wasn't giving that first song to God. It didn't even occur to me to open in prayer. I wasn't thinking of Him. And I'm still ashamed to admit that I, that person the Lord has entrust to lead a group of his followers in worship, wasn't envisioning His face in Heaven. That's why I received that "personal hell." I gave it to my self by not "acknowledging Him in all my ways" (Proverbs 3:6).

I feel better about the night. I'm at peace with it. I met God there, through failing and falling. He taught me, and I am a better worship leader today because of it. I love Him more after going through the pain I didn't on that stage (I hate calling it a stage).

As I'm sure you can understand, I am going to start giving it ALL to God. Not the just pure chords and lyrics, no. I'm giving it all. I'm giving my heart, my mind, my soul to Him in those songs. I'm giving it all to those whom I blessed beyond measure to worship with. I am going to stop singing for the sake of singing and I am going to worship.

Hello, Autumn...

The first signs of Autumn have presented itself...

All the kindergarten students in the class I work with are already planning Halloween parties and contemplating costumes. I miss the excitement and magic of Halloween dearly, but I receive my joy through them.

There is, of course, the seasonal Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice Latte, which I have yet to consume. The consistency, however, is comforting. I appreciate it abundantly!

There is the warmly familiar sight of the Autumn Pottery Barn magazine. You know you'll never actually buy anything, but I am emotionally attached to flipping through the red, yellow, orange, brown pages.

There is the reunion of those friendly scarecrows that find their early way out of your neighbor's garage and onto their lawn.

Yes, Autumn has sneaked its way into 2009 early this year. The colors and familiarities please my eyes so. The smells, such as my beloved Pumpkin & Spiced Apple reed incense diffuser, the crisp, sharp smell of changing leave and winds reach deep down into me. I look forward to Falling deeper into Autumn.

the Lord's word will never return empty.

Stop & Listen

As I was enjoying the view of the beautiful land that is Florida through the wonderfully big windows in my newly clean bedroom, I came to this shocking realization...

I have yet to hear God's voice.

I then began to mercilessly plague myself with questions, questions such as "What does He sound like?" "Is His voice loud, maybe frightening?" "Rather, is it a loving, nurturing sound?" The concept began to grow and grow within my mind until I felt my head about ready to burst. Of course, there is scripture discussing the Lord's voice, but I am sure you agree that it is simply not the same.

How strange, I thought. This God, this Father with whom I have grown so close to over the years has not once revealed His voice to me. I, His child, to this day could not point out His voice by ear. It was comforting, though, that I was drawn back by the absurdity that I did not know His voice, indicating (so I believe) that I am indeed close with my Maker.

So I sat there, by my big window, inhaling the sent of my Autumn candles, for quite a while pondering the mystery of how one can grow so close to another without even speaking words to each other.

It was at that instant, between feeling dumbfounded and not worthy of His speech, I realized that of course we have communicated! I hear God all the time! I am not merely talking into oxygen and gravity, I am talking to a God who hears, a God who listens, a God who indeed replies.

He answers my prayers, I do receive strength and that peace the passes understanding. I feel Him when I just open my Bible. My youth pastor put it as "discipline" to hear the Lord, and it is. You must have spiritual discipline to open a Bible, to turn off the music, isolate yourself and stop & listen. The results can be extremely clear, far clearer than any audible sound.

"In people we are looking for God to show up in big and glorious ways, and there were times when He came simply in a whisper or a breeze."

1 Peter 4:10

TLC for the Human Teenager

Those of you on facebook may have read this post already. It is one that I "tagged" all of the teenagers I know in. I wanted to post it here as well in hope that it may reach some troubled teenager on the public web...

Here is a post for those who are hurting from the growing pains of the teenage years. I would like to take the time to say that this is not a lecture. This is merely a journal entry I wrote that I wish to share with my friends, one that I hope will help them as it has helped me...
Very often lately many friends of mine (who shall all remain nameless), all teenagers, have expressed struggles or uncertainties to me. I can completely relate. I have growing pains as well. I feel urged by the Holy Spirit to share some things God has revealed to me.

Some of the growing pains my fellow teenagers have expressed are: struggling with school, beauty, confidence, friends, change, uncertainty in life, uncertainty in their relationship with God. All of these are completely understandable, reasonable, and fully respected. As much as I have tried to change it, I have found that these topics are unavoidable in being a teenager.

At this time in your life, you are trying to tangle through the life thrown at you, trying to figure things out. Things such as how you plan on spending the rest of your life, what kind of person you want to be, what your morals, beliefs and opinions are (not what other people want you to think – and hopefully not being swayed). It's hard to mold who you want to be all by yourself. But what you do and who you turn too (Jesus) can make a world of a difference. You don’t need any one who makes you feel bad about yourself in your life. Don’t feel like you need to adapt who you are to someone else to have a friend. I promise you now that you will always have Jesus and I.

Change. I'll admit right here and now that I don't like change. And unfortunately, I know dear ones who are wrestling with in currently. A friend of mine was telling me of how she was struggling with moving. She's starting high school next year, so you can say this change is hitting her hard. The only words I could find were these: "I'm sorry this is hard for you. But it will work out. When God doesn't give you a choice in life, its only because He's pushing you is a direction that is best for you, sweetheart. Just let go and let Him lead you." If God closes a door, leaving only one open (a door not looking too friendly), it's obviously the only path He wants for you. He's pushing you through it, only out of love. It can hurt, but the pain lessens once you accept His perfect Love and try to find the blessings He is so desperately trying to give you.

A LOT of teenagers I know are contelmplating what they want to do for a living when they get older. Is that what I believe a teenager's main focus should be? No. I know I'M trying to be a kid as long as possible. Although, it is a thought that burdens myself as well. But, I know exactly what you are created to do: live for God. I promise you, to worship and share His Love is the reason He puts air in your lungs. And it's something that you can begin to do RIGHT NOW. Also, in doing so, in keeping your heart fixed on Jesus' face, He will lead you through the wilderness and to where you are supposed to be in this world. Open a Bible, don't be afraid to tell someone of their inheritance to His Kindgom, and walk by faith. You will find a peace that passes understanding.

Now, onto another struggle of the human teenager: outer appearances. I know that how you see yourself is sometimes hard, and that we don’t always like what we see. However, that is how you were chosen to be made. God made you exactly how you are for a purpose. We all know that He does not make mistakes and that He wouldn’t chose to make you other than something He would find beautiful. Can there not be comfort found in that? The Lord made you, and He is prideful in His handiwork...
Maybe, just maybe it would help to stop comparing yourself to what this world (a world of sinners, mind you) has classified as “beautiful”. You are not any less beautiful because your hips and your chest aren’t the same size as Hannah Montana’s. You don’t need to wear the clothes that “everyone” is wearing to be gorgeous. Take a look at yourself, remembering that you were made by a Father who loves you irrevocably. Now, I want you to name at least 3 things that you love about yourself as a person and then 3 things that you love about your appearance. I know for some (you, God and I know who you are) it might be more difficult, but it’s a step I urge and challenge you to take.

I pray that if you are going through anything at all, this may help you through whatever you are going through. May God bless you and your teenage self!

Spiritual Gain at An Amazing Concert

Last night, I went to an amazing concert. I almost didn't go, but if I didn't go, you wouldn't have gained the spiritual growth or reminder that I did last night. Some of my favored (Christian) artists were there: Josh Wilson, Sarah Reeves, Micheal from his band Above the Golden State, Britt Nicole, and Danyew. It was amazing and heart-touching to worship with them all last night. All the artists were on stage at once. Who ever wasn't playing sat in chairs on the side of the stage or backing the artist up in instruments or vocals.

First up, Josh Wilson. Josh was amazing, I love his songs even more after hearing them live. He sang his song "Savior Please" and a few others. Britt Nicole backed him up on vocals. It was great to see him and learn more about him. He's a wonderful worship leader.

Next, was Sarah Reeves. Oh, how I already loved Sarah Reeves. Her songs are always poetic and she is a fabulous pianist. Worshipping God with her was a lovely experience. She talked about worshipping as not only going to church on Sundays or singing a song, but as a lifestyle. Then sang her first single "Sweet Sweet Sound", always been one of my favorites. I want that. I want to worship Him in the way I live my life! In the way I approach people, in the way I pray, in the heart that I have, in the way that I live the daily happenings of my life. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to do so. Sarah played her song "Come Save" to end her leading worship, and of course it was spectacular... Micheal, member of the band Above the Golden State, was up next. He is a great musician and was a great entertainer/worship leader. While he sang their song "At The Sound of Your Name" he let us be a part of his music, everyone was dancing and clapping. It was awesome worshipping God with a great crowd.Danyew, the newest artist of the group, took the mic. I was really surprised at his great talent and enjoyed hearing his story of how he left college to play music -- how he let everything go to follow the Will of God. He sang his songs "Streetlight" and "Beautiful King". His 'performance' was a great reminder of how God can be surprising, but we benefit from only thinking that He knows what He is doing, He is the God and we will end up happy to obey. Finally, was Britt Nicole. I didn't always think so much of her, thinking that her music was too 'pop'-y and aimed toward the younger youth. But. I. Love. Her. Even when she wasn't taking the stage, her love to praise Him was beautiful. She and her music were both so fun! The next moment, I was crying, so touched by her heart, music, and lyrics. I want to be her close friend, not just because she's famous. I want to be her friend because I love her evident love for God and I want to have that. I want a people like Britt Nicole in my life. I had been struggling with not feeling too close to God, wishing He was more center in my life. Seeing Britt and her faith completely renewed me. I was crying -- it was pathetic. She saw me crying and pointed to me (or so it appeared). She re-ignited the fire in my bones with her songs "Set the World on Fire", "That's How We Roll", and "The Lost Get Found".

At the end all the artists came together and sang "Heart of Worship", which was just beautiful...

After the concert we got to meet all of them!! I got a Sarah Reeves t-shirt, Harry a Danyew CD, autographs, and pictures!! It was amazing. I told Britt Nicole how the kids at TA looves her music. And told Sarah Reeves of how I adore and aspire to her piano skills. The guys were cool to talk to as well.

I'm praying that the Lord would seal the words He spoke to me at the concert in my heart, I never want to forget.